Ludic Selcouth #3: Dancing Keys

Key #19

"Hey.. I think I saw Kerry and Juliana outside when the curtain suddenly moved a bit." bulong sakin ni Ashi pero hindi naman inaalis ang tingin sa harapan kung saan kasalukuyang nagdidiscuss ang professor.

My forehead creased but my heart also pounded. I haven't seen them for almost a couple of weeks now, I really thought they wouldn't talk to me anymore after what I did. That's why.. ano kayang ginagawa nila rito?

"Really? Baka iba ang sadya." I replied on a hushed tone. Nakita ko sa gilid ng mata na nagkibit balikat lang sya at hindi na muna nagsalita dahil napatingin sa gawi namin yung prof.

"Ingay." I heard Ivoice said, she's sitting behind us this time. Lihim akong napairap pero hindi nalang ako nagsalita.

I was fidgeting while waiting for our prof to finish talking infront. Nasa labas pa kaya sina Juls?

Nang tuluyan siyang magdismiss ay mabilis akong tumayo at inayos ang gamit. "Kins, mauuna na ako sayo ah? Kailangan kasi ako ni mommy sa bahay." tumango lang ako kay Ashi at isinukbit na rin ang bag sa balikat.

I was expecting to see Kerry and Juliana when I left our room but I also saw Aiken waiting.

"Hey.. let me carry your bag." agad na lapit ni Aiken at akmang kukunin ang bag ko pero inilingan ko siya. Kaya ko namang buhatin ang sarili kong bag.

"It's okay, Aiken. Thank you."

"Ava." mabilis akong napatingin sa gawi nila Kerry. They're looking at me and Aiken with suspicion. I cleared my throat as I gripped the strap of my bag tightly.

"I— I need to go home early today. Mauuna na ako." pag-iwas ko at akma na sanang aalis pero mabilis na nahawakan ni Kerry ang braso ko at tiningnan ako nang matalim.

"You need to talk to us, Ava. Are you just really going to throw away our friendship that easily? Kaya mong sumama sa iba pero samin na matagal mo nang kaibigan ay hindi mo kaya?" I can now sense the bitterness in Kerry's voice, Juliana is just looking at me seriously.

Binawi ko ang braso habang diretso pa rin ang tingin sa unahan. "Hindi ako sumasama sa iba. Just leave me alone, Kerry. I will do no good in that friendship that you're talking about." sarkastiko siyang natawa at saglit na tumingin sa likod ko kung nasaan si Aiken.

"We want to understand you but you're being unfair. Gusto lang naman naming iparamdam sayo na hindi ka nag-iisa, Ava. Why do you have to push us away?" nang igala ko ang paningin sa paligid ay pansin kong may mga nakatingin na samin kaya nakagat ko nalang ang labi.

"I think you three need to talk first. I'll leave, call me if you need me, Kinsella." I heard Aiken said before he walked past us. Lumingon pa sya at bahagya akong nginitian at mukhang pinapagaan ang pakiramdam ko pero hindi ko sya nagawang ngitian pabalik.

This is what I'm saying. Kerry and Juliana will think differently once they saw me going with someone while I'm pushing them away.

"If you really understand me, you will do the favor that I'm asking, avoid me. I don't have time to hang out anymore." muli na akong naglakad papunta sa escalator pero ramdam kong sumunod pa rin sila.

"Stop drowning yourself with your piano, Ava! This is not you!" hindi ako nagsalita at nagpatuloy sa pagbaba. Dumiretso na rin ako agad sa parking lot pero nakasunod pa rin talaga sina Kerry.

"C'mon, Kinsella Ava, stop doing this. We're not giving up on you! You've been through a lot, huwag mo nang pahirapan pa ang sarili mo!" napatigil ako sa harapan ng kotse dahil sa narinig kay Juliana. Ikinuyom ko ang kamay at galit na hinarap sila.

"Yes, Juliana! I've been through a lot! I'm not okay! I am wrecked! Kaya hanggang kaya ko ay ayokong sumama sainyo dahil madidisappoint lang kayo kapag nakita niyong hindi na ako katulad ng dati! I can't pretend that I'm okay around you two! You know me so well! But who am I kidding, huh? Alam kong ilang linggo lang ay maibabalik niyo ako sa dati! Your supports will keep on pushing me to do the things that I truly wanted. I don't want that! I'm trying to be the daughter that both mom and dad wanted since the very beginning! Ayoko na.. ayoko na ulit malagay sa sitwasyong sisirain ako dahil lang sa sinusuway ko sila.. Pagod na ako.. kaya please lang.. just stop making this hard for all of us.."