Under My Skin // KYLO REN FANFIC 18+

Bruised

The door of the training room hisses open, both Ben and I instantly locking eyes with the man in the doorway.

"I forgot my-"

"YOU!" at once Ben is on his feet, his frame towering over my crouched body. All of the force surrounding Ben abruptly starts burning like a torch has been lit beneath him. He extends his fingertips out towards Hux.

"Ben, please-" 

THUD

He holds Hux inches in the air by the neck from across the room, slamming him into the wall.

"GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T KILL YOU RIGHT HERE AND NOW!" Ben roars, his bottom lip quivering. Hux's hands grasp at his neck, trying to get a single breath past the force suffocating him. Panic fills my chest and throat and at this moment I don't see Ben anymore at all. Getting to my feet, I scramble over to the poor ginger general, struggling to breathe. Ben's eyes watch me, his eyebrows twitching.

No... not Ben.

This isn't Ben at all.

This is Kylo.

"LET HIM GO!" I shriek, anger boiling within me and spilling out into my words. Kylo's fingers flinch. Miserable sounds come from Hux's mouth as he splutters hopelessly. "Let him go, Kylo," His eyes dart across the room as he draws in shaky breaths, relaxing his hand. Hux plummets to the floor. His neck is bruised in shades of purple and blue, but other than that he seems to be okay. I can feel my anger in my throat, making it hard to swallow. Supporting Hux back up from the floor and onto his feet, I catch Kylo's eyes one last time before helping Hux out of the training room and closing the door behind us. 

---

It was naive of me to think that he'd be the same boy that I remember, or that I can change him. How utterly full of myself would I have to be to even toy with the idea that I alone could reverse years of damage? I can't even begin to process the emotions clouding my thoughts. Somewhere deep down, I can't help but feel flattered that he would have killed for me. It's a horrible thought and I know that but I can't shake it. It makes me feel guilty, though. It's my fault Hux got hurt and it's my fault for making Kylo Ren act out. The way his energy entirely shifted stills sends a chill down my spine that won't leave.

My eyes sting as I lay down on my bed, my knees up against my chest. My tears feel warm on my cheeks compared to the cold emptiness of space around me. I think, somewhere between the kisses and the gentleness, I forgot who he is. Hux in the end seemed more or less unphased by the whole ordeal, suggesting that it was a frequent occurrence between them. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.

A red light flashes from the door and I have to force myself out of my blankets and over to the com. 

"Who's there?" I ask groggily, adjusting my singlet. 

"Gwen, please-" Kylo.

"Go away," I release the com button, but he keeps talking to me through the door. I back away, lifting clothes till I find my lightsaber I keep hidden and strapping it to the hem of my pants. I realise that just telling him to go away and not opening the door is futile, as he uses the force to open the door and close it behind him. He stands less than a metre away from me, his hair sweaty and messed. He draws in a sharp breath, looking me over. I purse my lips and wrap my hand around the hilt of my saber, just in case.

But I needn't worry, in the end.

My fingers loosen their grip and my jaw unclenches as he falls onto one knee, his head looking down. "I fucked up, I know that now," his voice is raspy like it's fighting through tears. "My whole life I feel like I've been waiting and waiting for something that was never coming," his words are shaky. "When I was away - just before, I couldn't..." deep breath. "I couldn't stop thinking..." he looks up at me, finally, with begging eyes. Tears well up and his eyebrows furrow to the centre of his face. "I couldn't stop thinking that maybe you are what I've been waiting for."