A rose to grind

- 32 -

By the time I had woken up, I noticed the empty space beside me on my bed. Hazily, I peeled my eyes open and was greeted with the fluorescent sunshine pouring in through the enlarged window. It must have been the work of Etienne. And it came to me a surprise how he managed to wake up so early. But, I supposed that it was the perk of being the one inserting it in, not the one being inserted in. My rear ached as I shifted up and sat up on the bed.

The headboard supported my weight as I lazily reclined back into it, having exhausted all my energy during bedtime activities. I managed to retain the peace for a few moments, my eyes closed, ears picking up the song of the cicadas chasing each other in the sky, or perched on the branch which tapped against my window over and over again.

Suddenly, a cacophony of shuffles came from the entryway. I opened one eye, and perceived Etienne's refreshed figure. Afterwards, I closed it shut. I could already imagine Etienne's disappointment smothered on his face. Nevertheless, he didn't voice anything. The only noise that could be detected were the nigh inaudible footsteps approaching the foot of my bed at a leisure pace.

"Is it swollen?" The bed dipped under his weight. Now, I fully opened my eyes. Etienne's buddha smiling face appeared in front of me, and he pulled me by my neck as if going to kiss me, but he paused mid-way, staring amusedly at the clear show of disapproval on my face. He still didn't release me, but never initiated anything.

All of a sudden, he whispered, "Thank you for staying by my side, even if you don't mean to."

He unexpectedly brought me closer and pressed our foreheads together, the tips of our noses touching, our breaths interweaving, and our lips barely centimeters apart. He said in the heat of the moment, "I never imagined that I'd fall so deep. At first, I just wanted to see the type of expressions you would make towards me.."

He retracted, but his fervid gaze trailed down to my lips. In a trance, he reached out to caress my bottom lip with his thumb, parting my lips and palpating my teeth, "But, before I knew it, I wanted to own every part of you, every shift of your expressions, every slight movement, and your smell. I've always loved it. But, I like it better that you smell like me. It makes me seem some sort of like an animal, right? You know, Yugo, as long as you keep me by your side, I'm willing to become a cat, or a dog."

In the midst of his soliloquy, I didn't interrupt him. I figured that he was like a crazed peacock during his mating season; if you interrupt him, he'd go mad.

He laughed mockingly, as if he was mocking himself, "When nightingale died, I quietly buried him. No one would remember him except me. I think it's a shame that they would never cease to remember him. Then, I thought to myself that I didn't want to die alone, well, without you," he grabbed my forearm and set his face in between the crook of my neck, just as he had always done as if he were a critter waiting for praises, "If I die, Yugo, can't you die with me as well?"

"Enough is enough, Etienne," I separated myself from him. A look of distraught streaked across his face, "Though we may have connected our bodies twice, that doesn't mean I'm going to love you. You know that very well, don't you? As long as you keep loving me..."

I smiled, pinching his chin. In a low voice, I continued, "I won't return back your affectations."

Etienne lowered his gaze, intending to hide the deep pools of complexity swirling within the golden pupils. He laughed lowly, "Unexpectedly, the feeling of getting my heart crushed over and over again feels quite delicious. Only you have the power to make everything so enjoyable. I'd believe you if you said you were a hypnotizer. We're adults now, Yugo, don't treat me like how you treated me back then."

"Then, how should I treat you?" I countered, "A rational adult would cut someone like you from their lives. I believe I'm not in the right state of mind." I couldn't help but erupt into a bitter round of chuckles, "I like to do something that benefits both parties. Even if you're on the shorter end of the stick, in the end, isn't it enjoyable deluding yourself? Isn't it fun rolling in bed all day?"