A rose to grind

-15-

       "I love you."

There was this voice whispering into my ears, like a sweet lullaby killing me to sleep. Their voice, low-baritone, vibrating enough to shift the earth's surface. A hint of deep anguish was laced in his voice, seeming as if he were a puppy, howling and wailing, almost begging for his owner, who was sure to abandon him. A steady stream of tears flowed perpetually from his rapidly blinking eyes, and pupils that stared obstinately at me and nothing else.

As if my body was someone else's, a low laugh escaped past my lips. My own voice, which sounded distant even to my own ears, resounded ostentatiously, like a god ruling over the mortal realm. I was unstoppable, and destructive. I had to be killed.

         "We can talk through this," the voice sounded urgent. I could somewhat make out the tall silhouette of his, edging closer towards me. My own feet, which I had no control over whatsoever stepped back instinctively. I could feel the deep hurt emanating from his wobbly tone. "I don't want...I don't want for our fates to end like this. I don't want to keep on killing you again and again. Please, please. I love you so much—"

"The price of your love is something I'm not willing to pay," my lips moved automatically on their own. A cruel smirk hooked the corner of the thin features. It was odd, how my heart was beating at such an irregular pace, yet cryptic and heartless words flowed from my lips, as natural as breathing. "Is this is what you call love...I don't want none of it. Go ahead. Kill me! In the end, that's your objective, isn't it?"

        "We can change the fates we're enslaved to! I'll do it with you. If you die again, I think I'll go insane!" At this point, the other man was shouting his words, voice cracked but filled with an abnormal sense of determination. I was inclined to believe him, but my body moved faster than my mind.

"If you're not going to kill me, I'll do it myself," My eyes flashed. I looked behind me, still seeing the bustling city beneath me, and oh, it looked more beautiful than I remembered. It was like the sweet, sweet moment of procrastination, the short-lived moment before death, where you began to appreciate things that seemed so mundane and uninteresting before. Now that I stood before it, I wished I could have a few more seconds to admire the view.

As if the man was reading my mind, he surged forward, charging towards me at full speed like a national football game. I clicked my tongue, feeling rather disappointed this fleeting moment of bliss was so short. I neared towards the edge, the farthest, where I felt the wind tousle my hair comfortingly, but it didn't condole me in the slightest bit. I felt far more remorse.

Even when my chest hurt, my breathing growing stagnant as the harsh cold nipped at my skin. I smiled, for the first time in ages, filled with contempt. I spat out brutal, and merciless words, hoping to slash the man even deeper than any knives. "I love you. Do you believe me?"

His hand stretched out to me, in hopes of reaching for my hand, but unfortunately, I had already stepped back, and felt wind caressing my back. The tip of his fingers brushed against my jacket. Through the haze of my eyes, as I started falling from the top of the sixteenth floor, which happened to be the roof, I could make out the blurry silhouette of his tall figure, hunched over and hand reaching for nothing but empty air.

I laughed, and the wind seemed to carry the heinous and insane laughter all the way down to the ground. The person, who I assumed, could have been someone special to me, called out desperately behind me, with despairing pleas.

No matter how much he prayed, this body of mine was already bound to die. And no miracle could ever save it.

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