A Realization | kurooxkenma (Haikyuu)

17. anxiety

a couple months later

Kenma's POV

I think at this point, I'm really starting to feel stressed. It's near the end of Kuroo's final year at Nekoma and the thought of that is really weighing me down, more than ever before. Is it cause we're dating and I won't get to see him much? Or maybe it's something else? Like that really scary feeling that we'll have to go our separate ways because we like different things. Maybe because I'm starting to think that someone amazing like Kuroo won't let a stupid relationship get in the way of school. Maybe it's because I'm starting to realize that I'm probably not that important to Kuroo, not more than his future.

"Hey Kenma? Are you okay man?" Tora asked as he walked up to me. I took a deep breath. "Yeah I'm fine." I stared off into the distance, trying to ignore his annoying presence. "Nope you're lying, you have that unsatisfied, sad look on your face." He insisted. I audibly sighed. "When is Fukunaga coming?" I asked, skipping over what he had previously said. "He should be around here somewhere, I told him to meet us outside at two." Tora shrugged.

The three of us decided to do something together... (well, more like the two of them and somehow I was dragged into it), so now we're going to get some takeout together. They were both jealous of all the third years spending so much time together for graduation, so they insisted that we should do something as a group too. (Which again, why did I have to be a part of this?) It's the beginning of March and yet, we seriously have to go and do this today? It's really not that warm out too.

"Hey guys!" Fukunaga said as he ran up to us with a big smile. "Kozume, you doing all right?" He said and gently patted my shoulder. For some reason, Fukunaga was good at comforting me. He had a certain friendly vibe about him that was nice to be around. "I'm okay, can we just do what you guys wanted to do so I can go home?" I rolled my eyes. "Oi! You're such a downer! Let's have some fun!" Tora grinned. "Yeah, it's not too bad, we're just getting some lunch and walking around. We can leave at any time." Fukunaga reassured me. I nodded at him, to silently thank him for being so considerate. Yamamoto on the other hand was being as annoying as ever, but he's not always bad to be around.

I really like my friends, I do. It's just difficult for me to do stuff like this sometimes. All of my friends are really outgoing people that help me get out of my comfort zone and they all have some sort of motivation. But I'm really just an awkward person that sits on my ass all day. I don't know why I'm even lucky enough to have friends, cause I'm really just an arrogant asshole. I really do want to be here with them, and they'll definitely get my mind off of things. It's just hard for me.

"What are we thinkin'? Pizza? Curry? Ramen?" Tora asked. "Oooooo I haven't had pizza in a long time." Fukunaga said as he rubbed his belly with a big grin on his face. I laughed at the weird face he was making and both of my friends shot their attention right at me. "What?!" I froze. "Sorry, we were just worried about you, you don't seem like the usual Kenma right now. It's good to see you laugh." Tora scratched his neck. I looked over to Funkunaga. He nodded and gave me a big smile with a thumbs up. I felt myself starting to blush so I walked ahead of them. "Let's get pizza already so I can leave!" I yelled. I heard giggling behind me.

The three of us walked around the local area and we bought a pizza, as well as some other snacks. We found a table in the restaurant and we sat together, talking about whatever was on our minds. It was nice, really nice to talk to them like this. I didn't really think about anything else at the time because we were just being idiots, talking about nonsense. Until Tora asked a question that threw off the mood. "So did Kuroo make you come with us?" He wondered. I felt my face move to a frown from hearing his name, and then it all came back to me.

"N- no, he wasn't home today." I told Tora. The space fell silent. I started my day today with waking up and walking over to my boyfriend's house to then hear from his mother that he wasn't home that morning. Apparently he was "out with a friend to tour some school campuses". He didn't tell me about hanging out with a friend and he never told me about going to his possible future schools either. He never even let me know that he wasn't going to be home today. Not even a single text.