A Realization | kurooxkenma (Haikyuu)

3. that weird feeling

Later that day - Spring Nationals

Kuroo's POV

When we arrived to nationals, we met up with the rest of Nekoma. Everyone seemed nervous because Kenma would be absent in our next game. But I felt reasonably confident. The team we were up against next was somewhat good, but I'd say worse than Karasuno. So I think we have it in the bag, whether Kenma plays or not. "You okay now?" Kenma asked me, while rubbing my back. "I should be asking you that question." I smirked at him. "I'll be fine sitting out, it's my natural habitat." He shrugged.

"That's not what I meant kitten. I was talking about your head." I pointed out. "You do remember that we were stuck in a hospital for a while yesterday? Cause you hit your head?" I giggled. Kenma rolled his eyes at me and proceeded to walk away from me. "No kitten! Don't go! I was just teasing you." I said while catching up to him. "I'm going to go see Shoyo, wanna come?" He asked me. "Sure, as long as he's with the rest of Karasuno. I wanna see how they're doing." I agreed.

The two of us walked upstairs and into the gym where some teams already started to play. We were in the bleachers near the top of the building. Then we spotted Karasuno. "Kenma! Kuroo! Hey guys!" Shoyo said as he jumped around us. Daichi, Karasuno's captain, greeted us. Followed by the rest of the team. "Hey four-eyes, how are those blocks comin'?" I said to Tsuki, making him grumble. "It's Tsukishima, thanks. And they're fine, like you'd even care." He turned around and walked away, dragging Yamaguchi with him.

"I heard about how Nobehi injured you yesterday Kenma, how are you feeling?" Sugawara asked. "I'm okay now, I just can't play for today. "You're not allowed to play?" Shoyo chimed in. "Yeah the doctor said it'd be safer if I stayed off of the court for a day. It's only precautionary. I could probably play if I wanted to." Kenma shrugged. "I don't even think you should be playing for a good couple of days." I disagreed. Kenma gave me a weird look. "What do you think would happen if you bashed your head again?" I crossed my arms. "You are too protective of me weirdo." He replied. "Hey! I'm allowed to be protective! I am the captain! And your best friend!" I reacted, making him roll his eyes and walk away.

Kenma sat on the bleachers. "Is Kenma alright?" Asahi wondered as he joined the conversation. "That- I'm not too sure about. Ever since the hit, he's been slightly frustrated. It might not seem like it, but Kenma is usually in a good mood and I'm not seeing the cheery side of him right now." I shrugged. "I kinda get his frustration though, I'd be upset if I had to sit out a WHOLE game. I was already upset for getting benched when I was hit in the preliminaries." Daichi pointed out. "I'm not too sure that's what Kenma's upset about though. He doesn't like volleyball at all really." I said. "HUH?" The three of them said in unison.

"Yeah, Kenma told me about that when I first met him." Shoyo said. "But he's so good! Like one of the best setters I've seen! And that's coming from a setter!!" Sugawara expressed. "Yeah! The way I see him connect with you guys is off the wall! They way he sets is like he was made to play volleyball!" Asahi joined in. "I don't get it- why does he play if he doesn't even like it?" Daichi wondered. "I don't really know anymore, sometimes I can't even read him. I think I might still be the only reason he plays sometimes, than I see his pride on the court and I wonder where it's coming from." I narrowed my eyes. "I'll go talk to him." Shoyo said and started to walk towards him.

Kenma's POV

"Hey Kenma!" Shoyo said as he sat beside me. "Oh, hey Shoyo." I replied, as I played a game on my phone. "Is everything all right?" He wondered. I turned my head to him and he looked genuinely concerned. "I don't know." I shrugged, and turned off my phone. "So, does that mean that there is something wrong?" He asked me. "Yeah I guess." I looked down. "You can talk to me if you'd like, it might help you feel better." He mentioned. I nodded my head in agreement. "I think I'm upset that I can't play." I said. "WHAT?" He expressed.

"I- I don't know why. I guess recently I've got this super weird feeling that I get whenever I touch the ball- like a weird sensation in my hands." I explained. "Wait, you get that too??" Shoyo said with glee. "Whenever Kageyama sets a ball to me, I sometimes get a chance to see through a wall of blockers. Whenever I strike the ball it goes 'SWOOSH' and it smashes against the ground! I get the greatest feeling I've ever felt! It's the feeling of success, I've always wanted something like that! And I think that's what keeps me going!" Shoyo brightly smiled, which made me feel slightly better.

"When do you get the feeling?" He wondered. I looked at my hand. "I think I always want to do the best for my team, so whenever I set and we gain a point, I feel like I weirdly accomplished something great." Then I started to think of Kuroo. "Whenever I set, after a point- or even if it's not a point and it was just a bad play by my teammates, they always tell me how good I am and whatever- it makes me feel good. And this is cocky but- I like it. I think that's what keeps me going." I smiled. Shoyo smiled brightly at me again. "You know that's a good thing, right?" He laughed. I smiled. "I guess you're right." I nodded.

"So this is your first time that you're upset you can't play, huh?" Shoyo asked me. "Yeah, I guess it is." I answered. "That's also a good thing." He smirked. I furrowed my eyebrows. "That means Kuroo isn't just the only reason you play, now you can start to enjoy yourself more." He nudged me. I looked over to Kuroo, and he was looking over at me already. He gave me the thumbs up, which is something he does when he's asking me if I'm okay. I gave him a thumbs up back to let him know I was actually okay now. He smiled.

"So everything's cool?" Shoyo said. "I think so, thanks Shoyo." I nodded. "You know what I just realized Kenma? Now that I think about it, the time I wanted to play the absolute most was when I lost." Shoyo said while placing his hand on his chin. "It was when I lost to Aobajohsai, I was at my lowest point. It made me want to play more and finish that stupid deuce. And even though we won against them the next game we played with them, I felt satisfied. But I'll never forget that feeling of not wanting to stop playing." Shoyo added.

"You say 'I' a lot Shoyo." I pointed out. "You know that day wasn't just your fault right? It was all of Karasuno. If you're taking the blame for that game, you really shouldn't." I said. "I think my whole team feels that way." Shoyo laughed nervously and scratched his hair. "I find that weird with volleyball players. You all take the blame for mistakes when it's really just a team effort." I shook my head. "You say that like you aren't also a volleyball player. You sound like an old man." Shoyo tried to hold in his laughter. I looked over at him and made a face, which made us both laugh.

"Kenma! Kuroo! Coach is calling us, we've got to go!" Lev called from behind. "I've gotta go Shoyo, thanks again." I said and patted his head. I watched Kuroo wave to the boys from Karasuno and look over at me. I gave him a happy look as we walked by each other's side. "What's that about?" He nudged me. "I'm just in a good mood." I stated. "Are you now? Cause I swear... like maybe a little short of ten minutes ago..." "Shut up." I interrupted him. "What was wrong?" He questioned me. "I think I'm upset that I can't play." I snickered. "If it's about me Kenma, I am too, but you don't have to worry. We'll do just fine." He assured me.

"That's the thing though Kuro, its not about you." I said. "Oh?" He said out of surprise. "I want to play, because I just..... want to play." I told him. He put his arm out to stop me. "I'm sorry- WHAT?" He looked at me with wide eyes. "Yeah." I said and blushed slightly. Kuroo looked like he was scanning the room as he looked both ways down the hallway. I looked as well, there was no one there. Out of nowhere, I felt myself being lifted up. "Kuro! What are you-" "IM SO PROUD OF YOU!" He cut me off and hugged me as tight as possible. I didn't know what to do, so I just hugged back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.

I don't usually hug Kuroo, so this was really nice, but I had to somehow make it seem like I wasn't enjoying it. "Okay you can put me down now." I ordered. He did as I said and put me back down. I straightened out my jacket and looked back up at him. His eyes looked watery. "Aw Kuro." I said and wrapped my arms around him again. "Don't be sad, okay? We still have to win the next game and I know that when you're emotional, you don't play as well. So seriously stop." I said.

"Kenma." He said. I stepped back. "I've been dreaming for those words to come out of your mouth, you know that right?" He said. I was taken back by what he just said. He was dreaming of it? Why would he dream of such a stupid thing? "I never understood why you continued to play, you only ever said that you did it for me. Which is seriously so flattering, because you're my best friend." He paused. "But- kitten, I was so worried about you. Ever since you agreed to play with me. I never understood if you were truly happy or not." Kuro revealed. I didn't know what to say. "Hearing you say that makes me so unbelievably happy Kenma."