A Realization | kurooxkenma (Haikyuu)

7. the truth

Later that morning - Nationals

Kuroo's POV

We eventually made our way to the Gymnasium and we had won our first game that day. Kenma seemed like his normal self, but something was definitely up. On the bench, I tried to make conversation but he sorta ignored me and told me to focus on the game. That is something Kenma would usually do, but it felt all wrong. It could've been just me overreacting, but I'm not too sure cause Kenma seemed odd. He was playing normally and he was doing so well as always. He was normally good at volleyball, and today he still was. But there had to be something wrong. "Kuroo!" I heard yelling behind me. I turned to see where the ball was, and there it was, on the ground in front of me.

"Kuroo?? What the hell was that man??" One of my teammates yelled. "Sorry! My bad!" I apologized. Okay maybe it was me that there was something wrong with. I was so focussed on Kenma, that I forgot how I was in the middle of a volleyball game. Every point counted today, because if we won, we'd be sent to the next round. Closer and closer to winning nationals. So that was really not cool of me. For the rest of the game, I seemed to fumble balls and play like I didn't know what I was doing. I tried so hard to calm down, but I would get this weird nervous feeling whenever I touched the ball. My coach called a timeout.

Kenma's POV

Kuroo seemed super weird today. I was trying so hard to act normal around him, but I could tell he was really upset about something. It was probably about my panic attack to be honest, but I already told him I was fine. And I'm playing pretty well today. So what's on this guys mind? "Kuroo, what's going on out there? You look like Lev right now!" Our coach pointed out. "Oh, I'm not doing that bad am I?" Kuroo joked. "Hey!" Lev said and crossed his arms. Some of the guys started to laugh. "We're doing a pretty good job today kids, but we can't lose the captain or we're losing our leadership. Got that number one?" He said and nudged Kuroo. He nodded. "Good job so far guys, keep it coming." Our coach finished.

I tapped Kuroo on the back. "You look horrible." I told him. He looked down at me. "Well that's a little rude, don't you think kitten?" He said. "Don't call me that anymore." I said, wishing that I hadn't. "What, kitten? But- that's your nickname." Kuroo awkwardly laughed. "I don't like it anymore." I stated, making myself want to jump into a trash bin. "Kenma-" He said, starting to understand me. The whistle was blown and we all ran back on to the court. I felt like my limbs were about to fall off, it's like they weakened, almost. I can't believe I just told Kuroo that. I hope I was doing the right thing.

After the game

We thankfully won our second game of the day and that meant we'd be moving to the next round. The guys all wanted to celebrate our victory at a restaurant. But I didn't really like that setting. "See you guys tomorrow!" Kuroo smiled and waved to Nekoma. "What are you doing?" I said.  "What do you mean? I'm going home with you, I know you don't like restaurants." He smiled at me. "You should just go with them." I let out, trying to keep myself from breaking down. "I'm always keeping you from going with the team, Kuroo. Go, I'll just eat at home." I smiled back at him. "No, Kenma. I want to hang out with you." He insisted.

"Hey, guys!" I yelled, to get our teams attention. "Kuroo's going to join you guys today!" I added. They all cheered. "Kenma, let me just go home with you." Kuroo told me. "You never go out with them, I don't want to stand in your way anymore." I faked a smile. "Are you sure-" "Please, just go." I ordered, while pushing him towards everyone. "Call me when you get home." He reminded me. "I will." I nodded. I turned the opposite direction, towards the train and felt Kuroo's eyes burning through the back of my head. I turned back and waved my hand in the direction of Nekoma, to essentially signal him to go with them. He stood there, with his hands in his sweater pockets.

I knew he knew there was something wrong, but if this goes as planned, I'll never have to tell him that I was in love with him. We can be normal friends again, just how he likes it. I waved and then immediately turned away. My face heated up and my eyes started to get watery. It felt so wrong. Everything that I was used to and that I loved so much had to go away. I had to stop. Because it was wrong. But it hurt so bad. I got on the train and held myself together. I had to distract myself, but I couldn't. I tried playing video games. I tried listening to music. Nothing would work. So I just had to wait to get home.

I finally got off of the train. I ran, and I mean I ran home. As soon as I locked the door behind me, I fell to my knees and let it all out. I was crazy in love with Kuroo and staying away from him made me finally realize it for sure this time. He was so important to me, and having to stay away from him will be so fucking hard. I might have to stop playing volleyball if I want to get him off of my mind. Maybe I could start dating and seeing other people to fall out of love with Kuroo. That night I couldn't sleep. My eyes wouldn't shut at all. I was so tired, yet nothing would work. There were only tears. I wasn't crying, I was just thinking of him. And it made tears escape my eyes. I wanted to hold him close so badly, even if we couldn't be together. But I knew that was a horrible thing. He wouldn't like that.

I heard my bedroom door open. I knew it had to be Kuroo. My parents were never around. I felt his presence standing beside my bed. "K-Kuroo? What time is it?" I asked him. "You didn't call me. Or answer my texts." He told me. I ignored him. "I wanted to know if you were okay." He said again, making me want to cry. "Can I spend the night here?" He asked me. "Mhm." I replied, while sitting up and moving over for him. He got into the bed and turned his back on me. I sat there, puzzled. He didn't tell me what was going on, or why he came. He didn't even touch me. It made me feel horrible. I stopped myself from reaching out and touching him. Instead I decided to use my words. "What's going on Kuroo?" I asked, using his actual name.

He turned over and glared into my eyes. "Why won't you touch me anymore?" He asked. I felt myself start to tremble. "You won't call me Kuro anymore. I can't even call you kitten. And you push me away when I touch you now, too!" He made it clear that I was acting strange. I threw my face in my hands to stop myself from crying. "I have my reasons." I mumbled. Kuroo took my hands down. "So tell me, please! I'll do anything kitten." He begged me. I swiped my hands away. "Stop calling me that!" I directly yelled at him. He looked like he was going to explode. "I'm going to go sleep on the couch." I said, and tried to get off of the bed. Kuroo grabbed me and stopped me from going anywhere. "Tell me what's going on Kenma!" He yelled.

"IM IN LOVE WITH YOU!" I screamed.

Kuroo's POV

I let Kenma's hand down and widened my eyes in surprise. Nothing made sense. Why would he try to get away from me, if he loved me? "Kuro, I can't touch you without falling more for you! I know it's wrong. That's why we can't do stuff like this anymore." Kenma cried into his hands. I started to understand, and I knew I couldn't let him think that way any longer. "Don't ever say that." I ordered. He looked up at me with confusion in his eyes. I moved closer to him and gently pinched his chin. I brought his face closer to mine and our lips met. I made sure to kiss him slowly, so I didn't step across any lines. He didn't pull back and our lips moved in sync for a couple of seconds.

I pulled back and changed the angle I was at. I pulled him in again, but this time, my hand was placed on his cheek. I felt his tears leak into our kiss, so I pulled back and wiped them away. "What are you doing?" He whispered. "I'm in love with you too." I said, while pulling him back in, starting to kiss him more passionately. But then I felt a large force against my chest. Kenma pushed me back, making me tumble on to the ground. "YOU'VE JUST DECIDED TO TELL ME THAT NOW?!" He yelled. I scratched my head and nodded. "Kitten, I seriously thought that you wanted to stay friends, and only friends. So I never said anything cause I didn't want to ruin anything we already had." I told him.

He had an irritated look on his face. "KUROO! You told me that you didn't like anyone! So I thought you'd never like me! That's why I've been so distant! So I could fall out of love with you!" Kenma revealed. "Oh, kitten." I said, while kneeling beside the bed. "I'm so sorry. We should've been more honest with each other." I said. He looked at me and more tears fell from his eyes. The face he was making looked so new. I've never seen that expression on his face. It looked like he was relieved and it also looked like he wanted to blow up. I tried to hug Kenma, but he pulled away and I watched him pull the covers over himself. He hid and didn't make another sound. I smirked. So this is what he's like when he's in love.