A Realization | kurooxkenma (Haikyuu)

6. a panic

Kenma's house - that night

Kenma's POV

I woke up from sleeping, drenched in sweat, head to toe. Everything was blurry and dark. I just had a nightmare and I felt my heart rate speed up. I knew that I was in my bed, but it felt like I was in the middle of the ocean, floating on a piece of drift wood while fighting for my life. I started to hyperventilate and then I was sent into panic mode. I wanted to scream, but I had to keep myself together. I yelled at my phone to call Kuroo. "Kenma it's 2am, what's going on." I heard Kuroo say. "I need you, please hurry." I struggled to let out. "Kenma what's going on?? I'm coming right over!" He said. It felt like a million hours had passed when Kuroo broke into room.

Kuroo's POV

I ran into Kenma's room and finally realized what was happening. My Kenma was in the middle of a panic attack, his shirt was soaked from what I assume was sweat, and his hair was all over his face. His cries were so loud and heart breaking. I turned on the lights and ran straight to him. I sat him up and tore his shirt off. I grabbed a hair tie and pulled his hair out of his face. I then picked him up and held him in my arms. I sat back down on his damp bed with him in my arms. He grabbed my shirt and cried in my neck, forcing me to hold him tighter. "You're okay, I'm here kitten." I repeated over and over again, until he stopped crying. He had trouble breathing, so he started to hiccup. I tried to position him so that he could breathe a bit easier, but he wouldn't let me go.

Kenma gets panic attacks sometimes, but this one was so much more intense than his other ones. I find it strange how the whole bed is covered in sweat, like he had woken up in it. It's possible that some of it was his piss, but it didn't smell like that. I carried Kenma to his bathroom and stood him up. "Hop in the shower kitten, I'll clean up your bed." I said and rubbed his back. He nodded. I left the room and got some new sheets from the closet. I entered his room and stood still as I looked at his bed. I threw my head into my hands immediately, out of pure stress, sadness and anger. Why did Kenma have to get these stupid fucking panics? He's just a normal damn teenager. I fucking hate seeing my best friend in that much pain. It rips me apart.

Tears ran down my face as I pulled Kenma's bed apart and replaced all the old sheets with new ones. I wiped my wet eyes and heard the shower turn off. I grabbed a change of clothes for him and brought them to the bathroom. I heard him cry from outside and so I knocked on the door to let myself in. There he was, in a towel, just letting it all out. I put his clothes down and grabbed another towel. I wrapped it around his upper body and hugged him along with it. I wrested my head on his shoulder and he leaned his head on mine. We stood there for a couple seconds in silence. My plan was a success because he stopped crying. I used that same towel to wipe his tears away. Then I started to dry his hair with it, and he just watched me.

My overall goal of tonight was to just make him feel better, so I really had to stop myself from thinking about how I was in the same room as my basically naked crush. I moved down to his upper body and patted everything dry, including his arms. "Okay, you can do the rest." I winked. He nodded. I started to leave the room, but he grabbed my hand. "No, stay." He ordered. "Oh, so you want me to watch you dry yourself kitten?" I teased. He ignored me, which was expected. "Turn around." He told me. I did what he told and waited for him to finish drying himself off and change into clean clothes. When he finished, he spun me around and held his arms out. I picked him up by his thighs and walked out of his bathroom, making sure to turn off the lights.

Kenma practically fell asleep in my arms as I walked with him, back to his room. I opened the door and put him on his bed. "I guess you want me to stay?" I predicted. "Hm." Kenma nodded and held his arms out for me again. I got into his freshly made bed and crawled in-between his legs. I laid slightly on top of him and wrested my head next to his on the pillow. I wrapped my arm that was closest around him, to make him feel safe and secure. "Is this okay?" I asked him. "Hm." He said, meaning yes. "Okay, you can sleep well now kitten, I'll protect you." I let him know, which was the actual truth. Even though we had a two games the next day, I was prepared to stay up all night, to watch over him. I was willing to make that sacrifice.

"No, you can sleep." Kenma mumbled. "I'm okay," he paused, "now that you're here." He yawned. I held him tighter as he said that. I wanted to tell him right now how madly in love with him that I was, but I knew he'd tell me how weird that was. He'd say that that's not how friends work. And I'd have to agree with him, because I will always, and I mean always support Kenma. I was so tired and weak from helping Kenma around that I felt my eyes slowly close. "Good night Kenma." I breathed out. Kenma mumbled something else, but I couldn't make it out. I was planning on asking him what he had said, but I fell straight to sleep instead.

The next morning

I woke up in Kenma's arms. He was sound asleep as I remembered what I was doing in his bed. Last night was a nightmare. And I'm glad I could get Kenma through it and to safety. I slightly sat up to check the time. It was 5:27am. "Kenma, it's time to wake up." I whispered into his ear. He grumbled and slightly moved around. I sat up and faced him. Since I was in top of him, I was right in his face. "Wakey wakey kitten." I poked his nose. His eyes opened and met mine. I gave him a small smile. "Are you going to be okay to play today? We've got two big games." I asked him. "Yeah I should be." He replied. "Okay, please let me know if you start to feel otherwise." I said. He nodded.

I laid back down on top of him. "Kuro." He let out. "It's okay, we have time- just a couple more minutes." I said. "We have to get up Kuro, come on." He said. I didn't budge. "Please kitten, you're so comfy." I begged. "Kuro, stop." He ordered. So I sat up and got off of him. "I'm sorry." I immediately said, feeling bad for keeping him in that situation. "No, it's okay Kuro, I'm just worried about today. I want to be prepared. So we should go early." He suggested. "I don't want you to push yourself kitten, you just went through a panic attack and we just got back from the hospital. This might be too soon." I said and pulled him back.

Kenma's POV

Kuroo continued to find different ways to touch me. This time it was my hips, and I wanted it so bad, but I knew he didn't mean it anymore than in a friend way. So I pulled his hand away. "Maybe you're right, but I feel okay now." I said, while standing up and putting slippers on. I started to walk towards my bedroom door. "Kenma look at me." Kuroo said. I turned to him. He sat on the edge of my bed with worried eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked me, seeming genuine. "Cause last night, I was scared for your life Kenma." He started. "You were soaked in your own sweat. You were crying like you had just been shot. And it didn't stop, for like a good half an hour." He told me. I watched him break down. "You are so important to me, and seeing you at your lowest point made me realize that." He stated.

"I'm okay." I told him. Which was half the truth. "Okay." He nodded. "But it doesn't seem that way." He added. I gave him a confused look, even though I knew that he was right. I knew I was better than last night, and I knew I would do fine in today's games. But, my heart was broken. Kuroo didn't love me back, so I wanted to start keeping my distance. It would be better for both of us. "Can you hug me? Can I really know that you're okay? Can you stop lying to me?" He said, sounding desperate. "Kuro, I'm okay, you don't need me to hug you to know that I'm okay. Weirdo." I told him, making it seem like I was back to normal. But Kuro knew me well.