Toph & Zuko's Life Changing Field Trip

pt. 1 | Sokka

Waking from a restless sleep, Sokka kept his eyes closed and took a deep breath of chilly air. The sounds of the sea pulled him back to consciousness, and his stomach churned when he remembered the day. Pushing aside the messy bundle of Katara's handmade quilts, he willed himself to get up and put on his soft, worn boots and a second sweater. The sunshine was harsh, and the sky a vivid, mocking blue. He stumbled to the kitchen and pulled a container of broth from the ice box to heat for breakfast. After seeing the empty firewood box and feeling the tiredness in his body, he settled at the seat in the window to watch the ocean and chip off frozen pieces of broth to let melt in his mouth.

Today, three years ago, he lost Suki. Pain mingled with the cold air in his chest as he accepted that fact. On the first anniversary he had been a complete mess, walking through the house and touching each of her things to try and evoke some new, lost memory that he'd forgotten. On the second anniversary, little bits of hope and joy had finally begun to mix into the sea of grief, and he thought he might be alright again. 

But this year, for some reason, the grief had swallowed him whole again and each day was a battle. Although, this year had been filled with new challenges as life had started to resume again. This time he was grieving something new that he couldn't figure out yet. After the second anniversary he had assumed that he was ready to go back to his old routine and that maybe some familiarity would ease his heartache. 

But the moment he returned to the Southern Water Tribe to resume his duties in the military, something had come over him that he couldn't understand. He was haunted by memories all the time. Every moment, he felt something watching him, but nothing was ever there. Every night, he mistook the sounds of the ocean as battleships launching an attack, but he ran to the window only to find a calm and empty sea. Every other moment was filled with the emotions of every terrible moment he had ever experienced. The mounting uneasiness began to take a toll on him, and soon his hands shook constantly, and piercing headaches interrupted his day at unpredictable intervals.

Once, during a training exercise which he was supposed to be supervising, one of the headaches swept over him with no warning and his vision began to blur. The sounds of the soldiers grunting and shouting through their training became visions of the enemy rushing toward him and he found himself stumbling away as if to find shelter.

Panic took over his body and squeezed his lungs until he was gasping for air. The edges of his vision grew dark and his hands and feet were so numb he felt like he was swimming through air. Nothing had ever made him feel this way before. Rationally, he knew he had never left the training area, but those sounds had made him feel as though he were back on a battlefield, fighting for survival. 

Of course, he knew that soldiers carried bad memories, that was a given. But never had they held him with such a tight grip or muddled his sense of reality. What happened to the young soldier who was always so steady and level-headed? Or the bravery and instinct to protect that he'd felt since he was a small boy? When Sokka looked in the mirror and saw a shaking, disheveled man staring back at him, he did not recognize himself. So, he did something he had never even considered before, and abandoned his position. He gathered his and Suki's belongings, locked up the house, and headed to the one place he knew no one but his family would ever find him.