Toph & Zuko's Life Changing Field Trip

pt 4. | Toph

"Hey Sokka!" Toph called, gliding into view on a slab of earth. Her cheery grin made Sokka's shoulder slump even further, but she pretended she didn't notice.

Toph had been the first to track him down when he'd run away, but none of his friends had gotten him to admit what had happened. Even Katara couldn't get him to open up, and Toph suspected this had hurt her. After the dozenth time visiting with no luck, Katara had resigned to being shut out and gone off with Aang again on some new trip. But Toph was determined not to be shut out. She didn't expect to ever find out what was going on, but she wouldn't let him isolate himself, at least. 

Deep down, Toph was really worried. To her, grief was something tangible; it was something heavy that the body carried after loss. After Suki had passed, every step she took showed heavy masses of grief instead of the usual forms of her friends. At the end of the day she was grateful to put her feet up and disappear into a quieter world.

"Hey," she said again as she grew closer, softer this time. She couldn't see the purple half-moons smudged under his eyes from lack of sleep, but she could tell from the way he carried himself that he wasn't much better than the last time she visited.

Sokka's grief had shrunk over time, but it was still there. Now there was something else too, buzzing in his chest like a beehive. An anxious energy that made her uneasy. It had been so painful to watch him lose Suki, and the idea of him becoming that frail and tired being again hurt her heart. Her problem was, she knew how she felt, but she didn't know how to say it. She didn't know how to help or be there or do something productive. 

After all they'd been through to end the war, she knew that losing Suki must have felt so unfair. They'd waited so long just to be together in peace, and now she was gone. She wanted to tell him that he could be angry if he wanted, and it was okay to still be sad. She wanted to tell him that hiding from the world wouldn't make any of it go away. As much as she pretended it didn't bother her, she wanted him to stop shutting her out.

"I don't really feel like visitors today, Toph," Sokka answered.

"You never feel like visitors," Toph chuckled, and continued past him towards the cottage. It stung every time he said that.

"Toph," Sokka said, his voice was stern and hoarse. "Please. I don't feel well today."

Toph's heart sank, and that little sting turned into annoyance. She stopped and turned around. "Sokka, how long has it been since you've seen anyone?"

"I'm fine. I have everything I need." He continued, in the same tone. He wasn't sure why felt so on edge, today, but for some reason he had no patience for this routine.

"Well if you're sick, someone should keep you company -" She started, but Sokka cut her off.

"I said I'm fine."

"Sokka, I'm just trying to help," Toph said, her voice rising with her frustration.

"I don't need help, nothing's wrong."

"Bullshit!" Toph yelled, "I'm not buying it."

"You don't have to, but it's the truth," Now Sokka's voice raised, too. He pushed past her and trudged toward the open door.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Why is everyone pestering me?" He retorted, not turning around.

"Because," Toph shouted, her hands clenched into fists now. "Suki wasn't the only person who cared about you. But apparently, she was the only person you cared about!"

With that, she summoned her rock slab towards her and sailed away on it before Sokka could respond. The forest sped past around her in a blur, and she curved around each boulder in her path as quickly as she could. Hot, angry tears were forming, and she wanted to be far away before they started to roll down her cheeks. Near the bottom of the hill her ride hitched on a tree branch and sent her tumbling the rest of the way down. Angry, covered in dirt and scrapes, and crying, Toph marched back to the road vowing never to talk to Sokka again.

Of course, by the time Toph had reached the train station her fury had calmed into a quieter anger, and by the time the train had reached her stop, she was only annoyed. She knew she should have controlled her temper, but he'd never been so stern before and it had caught her off guard. She knew she sucked at consolation, but she wasn't sure what she'd done to make him so upset.

By this time, she'd also figured out that new, buzzing weight he was carrying around. Sokka must be struggling with anxiety. At least that was a lead, but she knew it was useless to try to get any more information from him. The city sidewalk was cold and wet from recent rain, and from the almost empty streets she could tell it must be nearly dark. Her footsteps slowed as she neared her street, trying to prolong the walk. Maybe she should stop obsessing and just let him hide away and be miserable.

Toph sighed as she reached her apartment door and formed her bracelet into a key. Inside it was just as cold as outdoors and the air smelled stale and musty. Toph had yet to admit to anyone that she was in between jobs. Her dream of teaching metal bending was not working very well so far. None of her students seemed to be able to pick it up, and after her third unsuccessful class, she'd been let go from the earthbending academy. 

She wanted to start over in a new city, but she was also running out of money and was too prideful to ask her parents for help. Before it had been exciting to be starting from scratch, but these days she found herself wishing for a real home. This apartment was temporary, and it always felt like a stranger. She couldn't stay in the earthbending teacher's apartments if she wasn't a teacher anymore, so she'd had to find somewhere to stay until she could get organized and figure out a plan.

Her visit to Sokka had chased away her appetite. She tried to at least make a cup of tea, but her feet hurt from her tumble earlier and she couldn't stand to wait until the water was hot. Wrapping herself in a blanket, Toph sat on the floor by her little radio and listened to the evening news while sipping her luke-warm drink. Her chest felt hollow. She set the cup down and reached for the little shoes sitting on the radio, in the same place she'd left them last night. Holding them to her chest, she promised herself she was going to find somewhere to settle down and then she was going to bring Lin home. 

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