Death Formula | KTH ✓

19. And the Abrupt Halt of Her Heart

It was a bright Sunday morning with no traces of dark gloomy clouds. In the brilliance of the day, the yellow yolk shone above the horizon with dazzling pride. With my dress straightened and clean, my eyes no longer sagging, I visited my mother just like the usual days.

Once I entered the room and clanged the door shut behind me, I whirled around with a huge smile on my face. "Mother! Good morning!"

She merely cracked a tiny smile but her eyes told me she was happy to see me.

Plopping myself on the chair next to her bed, I began unfastening the food bag that I brought along with me, taking out the boxes. "I got some fruits for you and oh-this, here is kimbap; I made it early in the morning today...thought you might have gotten tired with the ugly hospital meals, aren't you?"

She was still looking at me with glistening hooded eyes. Her face prominent with wrinkles was rather paler than usual. An eerie feeling began debouching in my heart like a stream of water into a silent pool, bringing back the unwanted thoughts of losing her.

"Soa..." The moment my name left her parched lips, I was left startled by her strangely thickened nonetheless cracking voice as though she was being strangled.

Instantly, I got alarmed, worry conjured my eyes as I spoke rapidly. "Mother, are you feeling okay? Should I call the doctor?"

Her eyes crinkled ever so slightly, her cheek muscles giving up on the attempt to display a beam and at that point, I realized the harsh reality.

She was growing weak.

"S-soa..."

I leaned closer. "Yes, mother. Tell me. Speak to me."

My eyes swam up to my sockets for I hated to see her in this condition. In such a vulnerable condition. Only the brave would become vulnerable emotionally, for trust would take strength, lowering their shield was what named brave and my mother was brave as she lowered her guard just for me.

"The time... has come."

My breath hitched. Even after trying so hard to stop me, a sob escaped from me and then relentless tears followed suit.

"No. No mum, please don't say this. Please don't. We'll get through this together, I promise, just hold on."

Her shaking cold hand reached out for my quivering ones, intertwining the fingers as her thumb stroked the back of my hand gently. "My daughter." She said.

"I... I wish you never had to go through all of this." She choked. "I wish you...could live a healthy happy life like other lads. I wish...I wish..."

"I am happy. I am absolutely happy mum because I have you."

She exhaled a heavy sigh, her eyes threatening to close and I can swear she was doing all in her might to keep them open.

"With or without me, ...Soa but this- come here." she beckoned me closer, putting our intertwined hands on my heart. "This rhythmic beating... of your heart is your reason for living... it is your purpose,... my love."

I nodded, tears spilling out.

"I'm sorry...sorry for everything."

"No, mother! It's always been my fault for not loving you. For not understanding that you might have been struggling yourself too. It's all my fault for not taking care of you when father left us. I love you mother. I love you a lot. Please don't die on me like this."

"My child...my everything..." Her voice became fainter, her hand that was still placed on my heart was shaking.

"I...."

"Mother..."

"I...I love you, Soa."

And then, all of a sudden the electrocardiogram did a beeping noise and my head jolted up to see a straight line on the monitor.

Mum's hand went limp in my grasp.

Right then, terror became an intangible force and pain turned into an evident human with a dagger as it stabbed me right into my gut, twisting it to make me cry in agony.

Whilst my mother's limp hand still clutched with mine over my chest where my heart was beating, I buried my wailing face into her chest where her heart had unfortunately come to an abrupt halt.