"I have a key to suicide; the death formula."
***
BOOK ONE OF DEATH SERIES
In which, an unfamiliar boy attempts to guide Kang Soa out of depression and from her intentions to commit suicide only by a formula.
A mysterious boy,
A depressed girl,
And...
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Boring.
Everything felt boring.
Even breathing felt boring.
Each time I took a deep puff of breath in, I felt tiresome and exhausted for my stark white life had no vivid memories, only the dismal ones that bored me from within and it certainly wouldn’t seem wrong if I say I was in a pit of despair of such a kind that the sensation was deep within my gashed heart, which pounded steadily, sending the burning pain to every cell in my body though I did not complain as though it was natural for me to be sad, depressed, or downcast, as though it was the genuine version of me.
Nothing evoked a cheerful feeling in my dreary mood like the blossoming of spring, the petrichor fragrance of monsoon, the charisma of summer and the longing wistfulness of fall because instinctively, I had embraced the fact that I was hopeless.
I had accepted to be numb and flow with the river of a chaotic world where the oar of my boat was in the hands of others. I had accepted to feel nothing except woebegone.
That was me.
However, when I looked out of the window at the passing cars on the land and the passing clouds in the sky, nothing appeared to hold congruency to my wan nature for in a world where everyone was moving, I was still, lost in the labyrinth of my pessimistic thoughts that drown out the noise of the passengers in the bus.
Parting my lips, a galled sigh exited as nostalgia held me by my shoulders and then in a blink of an eye I was back again on those familiar passing streets, holding my father's hand, timid and shy and contrastingly tiny amidst the jostling horde of towering people who walked with purposefulness in their strides beside me on the pathway, creating a fearful maze for a little life like me.
“Daddy, will I get lost in the crowd?” I glanced up at my father.
“No, not until I’m by your side. I will never leave your hand, Soa.” he had said, assurance in his eyes.
Today, in spite of the promises and unending assurances, the warmth of his hand disappeared, leaving mine cold: I was truly lost in the crowd.
The bus in which I had boarded and which was supposed to take me to my destination, made a boisterous sound of a woman speaking, informing the passengers regarding the location.
When the bus came to a gradual halt and the doors opened, I took it as a cue to exit and found myself already out on the street, blinded partially by the bedazzling sun that remained determined above my head. It made me ponder upon the mood swings of nature for a day ago, it was shedding the tears of gloom from the grey clouds but now was thrilling with the unexpectedly bright sun.
Adjusting the straps of my heavy satchel on my skinny shoulders, I sighed deeply before dragging my reluctant feet towards the way I wished I could never go.
Another day of the humdrum of school.
I despised school since there was never a day when I wasn't bullied endlessly. Perhaps, I could not be so invisible to others or vanish away like old Gandalf just so I wouldn't have to execute their every command for fear of being beaten to a pulp or facing other dreadful punishments instead I was forced to complete anything they asked, including their homework. Hyunwoo and his gang of infamous pals tormented me mercilessly, so much to the point where I couldn't get the moral courage to report to the teachers.
My frail feelers wobbled as I took a step inside the empty school corridor which would soon be occupied by a sea of students donned in red and white coloured uniforms. Hyunwoo called me half an hour before school so that he could take his assignment from me.
"Kang Soa," I shuddered as I heeded the low pitched husky voice of Hyunwoo.
I turned around to face him and his notorious friends, my hands instinctively began to fidget as I gazed down on the beige floor of the hallway.
"Look at this chicken," guffawed his friends, rupturing the serenity of my ears.
"Have you done my assignment?"
"I couldn't complete it."
"What did you say?" I flinched at his grumbling voice. His friends murmured to each other.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't have finished mine if I had done yours,"—still glancing down at my shoes.
With his nose flaring, he immediately grabbed the juice can from his friend, flung it in the air and spilt the contents all over my head, soaking me from head to toe.
I squinted my eyes tight and tolerated the harassment.
"It's time for you to get going, guys. I'll take care of this." His companions stalked away without a word of revolt.
"Do you think you can escape me?" he asked, devilishly smirking as he took slow draggy strides towards me, his loathsome eyes boring into mine.
"What are you doing?" I stammered, backing up till my wet back landed against the icy locker behind me.
"Do you enjoy disobeying me?"
He strangled my throat, causing me to choke and pant for air as my oxygen supply dwindled. My hands quickly flew up, slapping his bulging arms in an attempt to extricate myself, but my efforts were futile when he rammed my head hard against the locker.
"Please ... stop," I begged, choking, but he ground me to the locker violently.
A smack landed on my left cheek with the force of an electric zap and I saw the corridor moving or rather shaking from an imperceptible earthquake.
"You will be held accountable!" My eyeballs started rolling towards the back of my skull, and black dots started to contour my eyes as if ants were crawling to cloud my vision.
Yet again, I surrendered.
The obscured darkness began to tug me in its fathomless chasm of gloom and I like an obedient child enthralled and spellbound, followed it noiselessly.
