Death Formula | KTH ✓

13. And the Third Rule

The star-studded clear sky above me appeared like an ancient velarium. Lit only as it was by the slender moon, the stars and the neon fluorescent light of the cityscape, the caliginous sky adorned the serenity what the land beneath couldn't.

I looked up at it and sighed like a slight spring breeze, soft and gentle, almost lost against the drone of the traffic as I and Taehyung trudged alongside on the street. The raucous honking of the vehicles passing by was forsooth a foe of tranquillity but for the first time, I remained impassive and apathetic of it.

"Aren't they ethereal?" I heeded his deep voice beside me.

"What?"

"Stars."

"Without the dusky night, the stars are nothing," I replied, a way of me telling him that the sky was the one that gave the stars the beauty that they've been known for.

The darker the night, the brighter the stars.

"I could not have said it any better." Said he as I gazed down at our feet that took steps in synchrony.

"But don't you think that they're beautiful?" He repeated.

"They are," I answered truthfully. Though I hated admitting it.

"And so are you." He said, suddenly averting his eyes from me only to get it on the pebbles which seemed like a matter of fascination as the boy dedicated himself in kicking them cursorily as he internally was battling to not crack a smile though I could sense the corner of his lips tugging upwards.

"I'm ugly."

"You're not ugly. You just don't consider yourself beautiful. You know, everything in this world has flaws, Soa and that's what makes the thing uniquely beautiful." He corrected.

"You are beautiful. Just like the stars." He assured me. This time looking into my eyes without any hesitation even though his ears had turned scarlet.

"You're right." I began. "I'm just like the stars—beautiful but do you know that the stars are nothing but a ball of fire? They're burning themselves, Taehyung—they're burning until they die. I am burning too."

He went quiet.

This was what he used to do always. Whenever I would say any intimate thing, he would just go speechless. Sometimes, his stillness would scare me precisely right now. Perhaps it was the moonlight making his skin so pale, of the lack of wind letting every hair hang without movement, I'm not sure. He didn't even blink, just kept his eyes on the road ahead as though he forgot that I existed beside him.

"Do you miss Aera?" He suddenly asked and I nodded looking down on the concrete beneath my feet.

"It's been six years and there's not even a single day when I don't miss her."

"Soa, you have to move on. Every one passes on, they all move from being a person to a cadaver. The person who left you would themselves not want you to mourn for them for your entire life. They would want you to enjoy the cycle of life. At one point you may have a life full of joy and love, then it is a time of celebration and thanks. At another point life can be filled with suffering and struggle or cut short by violence, then it is a tragedy greater than Shakespeare ever wrote."

"Who are you? A philosopher?" I chuckled darkly.

He chuckled too, shaking his head. "Perhaps, it's time for you to learn a new rule of Death Formula."

"What?" I looked askance.

"The third rule of death formula; learn to move on."

"This is crap. It's like indirectly you're telling me to forget Aera."

"No. I don't think so—look, it's like this—Those painful memories are books with chapters, deep and horrible; and so you leave them on the shelf to gather dust. You can pick them up if you need to learn something, to gain a perspective that helps you to create your own good story. In the end, by moving on what I mean is for you to be the one who can control these memories and not the brain. The brain shall only show you these things when you are ready to see them when you're ready to pick them up and learn from them and that's when you would know that you've healed completely"

He was right. I knew it yet I wasn't ready to accept to move on. Perhaps, like what everyone said it doesn't work in one day; all it required was the constant struggle, a battle that had to be fought with my own self.

And under the billions of diamonds, sparkling above me, I watched my feet take steps across the concrete pavement, my dusty canvas sneakers next to the clean white pair of Taehyung's, we walked abreast as the gravity woven us to the ground.

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This chapter, I believe is the heart of the entire book and frankly saying, I've read it over and over again not because I wanted to edit it, only because I believe in each word written here, in this chapter. Something is soothing in reading it all over again.