~Mikey's POV~
I'm the first one back on the bus, my usual reluctance to leave the stage is completely gone. I need time to think, and I need the quiet of the bus for that. I roll into my bunk, because getting undressed would prove unnecessary, as we were staying at a hotel tonight. I slide the curtain shut and close my eyes, thinking hard. I hear footsteps on the bus, more than one pair, so I don't say anything, hoping no one noticed my absence. I mean, it's not like I contributed to anything but the music, it seemed. I rub my eyes and pull the covers up over myself. Maybe I can get some shut-eye for a bit and they'll hopefully wake me when we get to the hotel. My thoughts remain on, though, how can I tell him?
I feel someone shaking my shoulder and I open my eyes to see Gerard above me, shaking me awake. He laughs at my tiredness. I just sit up slowly ,rubbing my eyes and scratching the back of my neck. He sits next to me awkwardly.
"Awake, I see?" He asks uncomfortably. I shrug. I am, physically. But mentally I'm still dwelling on the dream I was having. It was perfect. For once I wasn't having a bad dream and Gerard woke me up from it. I sneak a glance at him.
"What's wrong, Gerard?" I ask. He bites his lip.
"Well, Ray told me what he told you... And, uh, it's almost 1." My eyes widen slightly. He gives me his room number and I nod, bolting off the parked bus and into the hotel lobby. The woman at the reception desk doesn't seem to give two shits that I'm running. I run up the stairs to the third floor, not wanting to wait for the elevator. I reach the third floor and begin looking for the room number, continually glancing at my watch.
12:56...
12:57...
12:58...
12:59...
There! I knock on the door, somewhat quietly. I hope he won't answer. I'm too nervous. No matter what, I would tell Ray tonight. But... If he had fallen asleep or forgotten, then maybe I could stall a little longer.
But, despite my hopes, he opens the door, smiling kindly. I smile back and give a little awkward wave. He opens the door, letting me inside the room. There's a single king-sized bed and, y'know... Normal hotel stuff. He's shut the curtains though, which is a normal thing for us. He throws an arm around my shoulders, sitting me down in an arm-chair and he sits across from me, on the bed. I chew nervously at my lip. He looks me dead in the eyes and I shy away a bit.
"Mikey... I need to know something." My heart beat quickens in fright. What will he say? What?!
"Okay, Ray. G-go on." I stammer. He smiles half-way.
"Uh, well... I needed to know... What you feel about me." I blink a few times. Maybe I can play the safe route...?
"W-well, you're v-v-very talented and, and you're a great person. You're.... You're look up to by a lot of people. You're just an awesome person all around." He shakes his head.
"That's not what I meant. I mean how you feel towards me. Do you hate me?" He thinks I hate him? ... I shake my head. I could never hate him. Never.
"I could never hate you, Ray. Never!" I say. He frowns.
"I... I don't believe you, Mikes." That does it. He thinks I hate him. He really thinks it. I bury my face in my hands, hating the stupid hot tears that spill. I try to keep my shoulders from moving, but it doesn't work.
"M-Mikey!" He says. I hear the bed creak and I feel his hands on my wrists, trying to tug them away from my face. I jerk out of his grip. If he thinks I hate him then why should he care about me? I stand up quickly and run towards the door. I turn back to him. He looks upset.
"If you think I hate you, then you're completely wrong. I love you, Ray. I couldn't hate you. I just wish you would believe me." I open the door and slam it shut, running back down to the tour bus before locking myself inside. Nobody else is in there. I curl up in a random bunk and soon sleep overcomes my distraught mind. What had I just done?
I hear banging at the door of the bus when I wake up. I crawl out of my bunk, only to fall onto the floor a few feet down. I realize that I'd climbed into the bunk above mine last night on accident. I sit up and go to the door of the bus, unlocking it and letting Frank inside. He looks at me and sighs in relief. He hugs me tight.
"Mikey! Where the hell have you been? You never went to your room last night! Gerard was wigging out when he found out that you weren't even in Ray's room." He steps back. "Why'd you lock yourself on the bus?" I look away. He gets in my face a bit. His eyes widen. "Mikey, you were crying last night. Your eyes are all glazed over and they're bloodshot. What happened?" I can't take it. Ever since I woke up, I just wanted to cry again. I hug Frank tightly, burying my face in his neck. He pats my back soothingly.
"Mikey-" I hear Gerard's voice. Frank's pulled away and my brother holds me tight. "Ray told me." He whispers. "I'm sorry, Mikey. I'm so sorry. So sorry..." I can't say anything. I pull away from Gerard and crawl back into my bunk. They don't bother me.
At least I figured out how to tell him.
