~Mikey's POV~
I take my place on stage. It's almost a ritual. They ask where we want to be set up at, we put Bob in the back, closer to Frank's side, Gerard is front and center and Ray and I take the other side. Frank will do his damage on that side of the stage while Ray and I play more calmly, but still emotionally, on our side. Gerard will come over and mess with us once in a while, the horny bastard. He'll stroke my chest or something, or he'll come up behind Ray and sing in his ear. That sets my teeth on edge. I can't stand it when he's doing it to Ray. He knows, but I also understand his impulsiveness. He can't be bothered to fight it, and I don't care as much as I think I do, to be honest. But when it's after the show and we're all winding down, Ray and I will talk amongst ourselves, usually accompanied by Bob, who knows my real feelings for him. Bob keeps his mouth shut though, because I'll break one of Frank's many guitars on him if he slips up. I'll sit Bob between us, wanting to be near Ray, but farther away at the same time. Like a fire. Wanting to be close for the warmth, but far enough away you don't get any smoke or embers in your eyes. It's a touchy feely thing and you have to move sometimes. Nonetheless, our bunks are always above or below the other's. Bob will sleep on his own in a corner bunk while Gerard and Frank sleep with their bunks in line. One was at the head or foot of the other.
Sometimes at night, I'll have trouble sleeping and Ray will be awake, even if I have to wake him up, and he'll help calm me down. I usually fall asleep during these conversations, since I've calmed down and I can sleep peacefully. It's comforting, knowing that someone's there to help me through it. Alicia is my wife and all... But sometimes I think she doesn't quite understand. I love her, but I think... I think I love Ray more, to be completely honest. He gets me. More than Alicia. But I know he would never feel the same way. He's happily married to Christa and I would never want to do anything to come between them.
The last song we play is Famous Last Words. Gerard said he'd written it for me, because of our time in the Paramour Mansion. I'd rather not dwell on that, but sometimes my mind wanders back. Usually when it's night and I'm the only one awake other than spazzy Frank. Gerard comes over to me, slings an arm around my neck and finishes the song, striking a dramatic pose. He says his farewells and loves and the lights go out, the curtain falls and the inner demons are caged again. He hugs me as soon as this happens and whispers in my ear, "I love you, baby brother." I smile and nod, a bit too choked up about knowing he cares to say anything. I glance at Ray to see him looking at me. I look down and go to put my bass guitar away. He does the same with his. Gerard, Frank, Lindsay and Jamia are having a moment over on the side stage.
Everyone in the band knows that the whole, 'Frerard' thing was made real a while ago. Fans don't know that. They think that it's all for show. Lindsay and Jamia are okay with it. I look down, my eyes beginning to water. I shut them tight and take a few deep breaths. I think to myself, 'So what if you'll never be as happy as your brother. Doesn't matter. As long as he's happy. As long as he's happy..." I repeat it, but it's not working. I open my eyes and see a few tears fall onto the body of my bass. Then I will the tears away. If anyone asks, my eyes were watering from the bright lights and I'm tired. I shut the case and straighten up, accidentally bumping into a familiar chest. I glance up at Ray, who's 3 inches taller than me and much more intimidating, what with the muscle he has and all. I'm just skinny, scrawny, 5'10" Mikey. I smile nervously at him. Bob's already retreated to a couch and is about to fall asleep, so he's no help right now. Ray leans down and whispers in my ear.
"When we get to the hotel, you'll be coming to my room. No later than 1 in the morning." I shiver slightly and nod. He pulls away and is gone instantly. I look down and sigh, fighting the tears again. If only he knew. I glance at Gerard and Frank, they're holding each other. Maybe I can just... Do what they did. I should just tell him. If he doesn't feel the same, so what? I can move on eventually. Or can I...?
