~Mikey's POV~
I almost thought that what I was hearing was far too good to be true. If you think about it, I was far too naive in all of this to be thought of as intelligent ever again. I sigh and run my hands through my hair again. Ray's informed me and I know he's blaming himself for not thinking more thoroughly. Then again, not to insult him in any way, he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, if you catch my drift. But then my thoughts were brought back to Alicia. I lost something good because I loved something else. I knew there would be no chance of getting her back in any way, shape or form, so I knew that trying to get her back was out of the question. I gave a cry of rage, frustration and pain and tore the wedding band off my finger, flinging it across the room. I saw hers on the dresser and I just threw myself back on the bed, covering my face with my hands. And I began to cry.
I cried because I knew I was being heartless for thinking that maybe my life would be better without her. I felt Ray's calloused hands running over the top of my head. It was comforting, really it was, but it was only making me feel like that much of a worse person.
"I'm. So. Fucking. Heartless." I cried, still covering my face. Ray tried to hush me, saying that I wasn't, he should have thought of locking the door, etc. I shake my head violently. I know that I would look a mess if I pulled my hands away now. My face would be red and tear-stained. My nose would be a brighter red than usual and my eyes would be all swollen and red. But then again, I needed air. My hands over my face was cutting off the precious air I needed and my head was pounding and hurting. I pull them away and sit up, quickly hugging Ray's neck as my head goes to the hollow of his neck. His arms go around me and one hand is rubbing my back gently as the other holds me close.
"You aren't heartless, Mikey. You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen. Scratch that, you DO have the biggest heart I've ever seen. And I don't want to see you break it. It was my fault." I shake my head again.
"That's not why I'm heartless, Ray!" I cry again. I want to explain, but I can't stop sobbing and I myself can hear how broken I sound. He holds me ever tighter, kissing the top of my head.
"Then please, explain. It's hurting me, seeing you tear yourself up like this, Mikey." I nod and try to take a few deep breaths through my mouth, since my nose is clogged up now.
"I-I-I'm heartless because I thought that my life would be better without her. I thought that if I could forget her that I would be happy. And I know I would be, but I feel like an awful person, because I told her I loved her, but I hadn't loved her for so long. I feel heartless for leading her on, Ray. Because I am heartle-" His lips are on mine and I know that if I try to pull away he'll hold me there, so I don't do anything, not even kiss back. But I do calm down. He knows that it's working when I sigh contently. He pulls back, a hand on each of my cheeks, which was how he'd managed to hold me there.
"Listen to me, Micheal James Way. You. Aren't. Heartless. You have a huge heart. Such a huge heart it shouldn't be allowed. You say you haven't loved her for a while, you had your reasons to not tell her. I understand, even if I don't. I do, Mikey. And I'm sorry. So sorry. I fucked up big time and pretty much screwed over both of us. And for that I am sorry." I nod and wipe my nose on a tissue he hands me. I look a mess, my glasses are all askew and I can't find my shirt. I know it's hear somewhere, but as long as we're here, I suppose I don't need it.
Just then the door opens and turn away from it, because I still feel like complete and utter crap. But when I hear Gerard, Frank, Lyn-Z and Jamia all talking at once, I turn to them. They shut up immediately. Then Gerard steps forward. He explains everything. And I blink a few times. Did they think they could pull one over on us?
"What kind of fools do you take us for, Gerard?" I ask. He looks at me, shocked. He blinks a few times, imitating me, but not mocking.
"What do you mean? We're dead serious. You can go and ask them yourselves..." I roll my eyes. After everything that's happened, I don't want anything but to be left alone by everyone but Ray. This wasn't supposed to happen and now they thought they could pull one over on us.
