It's like my thoughts are consuming me every breath I take.
"Don't eat that."
"Your worthless"
"She's gonna leave you"
"You don't matter"
I'm drowning every step I take into this place called home.
Wether that's school, a house, the woods or a field,
I still don't know where my home is cause every little thing I do I get lost.
Not lost as in location but lost in thoughts.
Not positive but negative.
I wish I didn't care about how people thought of me or how I dressed or how much weight I gained in that one meal.
But, I do.
I care about every little thing in life but when you try and speak to me I say.
"I don't care." To push you away.
To push you into a cupboard until I'm ready to play with your feelings again.
To push you into a pool of worries just because of how I spoke to you today.
But I honestly "don't care."
Or do I?
No I don't.
Or do I?
NO I DONT.
Stop it Sophie your thoughts are taking over you again.
But do I care?
"Ugh will you just shut up!"
"You ate all that, didn't you?"
"Your still worthless, aren't you?
"She's going to leave you, isn't she?"
"Your still don't matter, do you?"
I'm controlled like a doll in a puppet show
So I hang my head low
Hoping no one will ask me if I'm okay
Otherwise I'll just have to look away
Because I can't cope with this today.
I shouldn't have to be ashamed of who I have become
Because that shit just makes me numb.
Its okay not to be okay,
Just like they all say
But trust me one day
You'll see the beauty of the world in the best way.
~
Don't give up because then they've won!
-
Authors note:
This wasn't the best but it was just a rant. I hope you all are great! I'm proud of you <3
