The Second Partizan - 2

Good - Part 7

You don't know what to do with yourself, sudden adrenaline has burst into your body, erasing the exhaustion inhumanly.

You run outside into the cloudy morning, the rain has finally stopped but the ground remains wet, soaking your still bare feet. It's amazing what emotions can do to a person, just a minute before you were cold, hungry and longing for sleep. But now you're running outside without a trace of common sense in your mind.

You collapse to the ground on the outskirts of the forest, pulling your knees into your chest and pushing your hair back.

Why Lottie? Why is Lottie always first? Why am I second best?

Every time.

You try to push out the intrusive insecure thoughts, but they don't go away. The voice in your head is chanting it over and over.

Jamie likes Lottie because you're not good enough. You got caught. She's better than you, she's kinder than you, she's smarter than you.

"Shut up." You murmur to yourself, fighting back the urge to cry. You can't cry, Jamie likes Lottie and that's it. There's no point in crying over something you can't change, something that's already happened.

Is this heartbreak? You wonder. Is this what everyone avoids? Why people close themselves off?

Like Jamie.

Your fighting doesn't work, and salty warm tears drip down your cheeks.

You fall asleep.

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"Y/n. Wake up."

You groan, confused by the heat and noise. You're in a bed by the feel of the sheets and the heat, but your eyes seem glued shut.

"Who is it." You mumble, rolling onto your face.

"Get up." It's Jamie. You feel like bursting into tears right then, but stop yourself, rolling back over and avoiding his eyes. He's leaning over you, scrutinising your face with tight lips. You notice you're now no longer wearing the kimono but the t-shirt and leggings that were underneath.

"I thought you were ill." You state.

"I got better," his face suddenly creases into worry, "y/n they caught you...and then you didn't come to see me. You ran outside and fell asleep on the wet grass...why?"

You sit up slowly, watching his face studiously, "you were worried about me?" You can't help your voice cracking slightly.

"Well yeah I jumped off of a building and left you with the master of the Leviathan. I hoped you could take care of yourself...and you did, good."

"Good? I was terrified Jamie. They locked me in a room and brought Julius and this other girl to interrogate me...I didn't tell them anything and escaped a few hours after they put me in there." You bring your eyes to the floor, rubbing your arms.

"I'm sorry." His tall and muscular frame towers over you, he's like a huge, angry wolf; his looks opposing to his words.

"You shouldn't have jumped, you could've died...you nearly did. That was 10 times more scary...knowing you were alone after a fall like that, probably with a concussion or bleeding. And I couldn't do anything. It would've been so easy to break out from that stupid Rabbit's grip, but I froze up. I let them get me." You feel your eyes watering and nose stinging, trying to hide your face from the partizan. He can't see your weakness. "You could've died Jamie."

"But I didn't." He has a bandage on his head, squashing part of his fluffy black hair.

You turn away from him. "Can you leave? I need to sleep."

Jamie sighs, but reaches out and gently touches your shoulder. "Thank you y/n, you're an incredible partizan...you started only a few weeks ago and yet you're better than most. It's very good."

He leaves and shuts the door. You stare at the wall...astounded. 'Incredible'? You face the door, unable to process his words, his touch still lingering on your shoulder.

You flop back onto the bed, wanting to yell from annoyance. Does Jamie like Lottie? Was that a mistake? Why else would he be holding her hand? But then he's said that about your partizan skills...and he hugged you before at Tompkin's manor...and there was that moment on the balcony. Has he moved on? Was that whole thing just 'friends'?

The door creaks open again and a head of blonde tangled curls peeks around it. You can't help but feel slightly annoyed at Lottie, even if it's not her fault in the slightest that there's a possibility that Jamie likes her.

"Has Jamie come to see you yet?" She asks, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her.

You nod, sitting up again and giving your sister a small smile.

"Um...why did you leave and collapse onto the grass this morning?"

"That is...a reasonable question. May I ask how you got me back inside?"

"Well...we tried to stop Jamie but he wouldn't listen, he picked you up like you weighed a feather and got you in in no time." She seems amused at the memory.

You falter, imagining Jamie carrying you for the second time. "Oh...that's nice..."

"So? Why did you leave?"

"Oh yeah um...I dunno."

"Seriously y/n you can tell me! Were you scared? Of what he would think?"

"No..." you freeze, debating whether to tell her, "the truth is Lottie. I like him...I have since Tompkin's manor. I saw him holding your hand and I got jealous I guess."

A smile bursts out on her face, puzzling you, why is she so excited about it?

"Why? He was asking about you, he was practically begging me to get you and that's the only reason. When I tried to get you to see him you were gone, I told Jamie I'd spotted you on the grass outside and he suddenly had a massive burst of adrenaline. He ran straight outside to get you."

You stare at her with your mouth agape, she giggles. "Y/n I wouldn't be surprised if he likes you too."

"What."

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The next day you've completely avoided speaking to Jamie. Mostly because you're scared out of your mind to go near him.

Unfortunately, when he walks towards you after lunch, it's quite hard to.

"Are you avoiding me?" His eyes dart across your face, taking in every inch of your expression.

"No."

"Hard to believe." He crosses his arms and you try to prevent yourself from physically shaking with nerves.

"How are you?" You ask, flashing the boy a grin.

"Good."

Your gaze flicks to his feet. "That's good."

"Have I done something y/n?"

You look back up. "No! Not at all don't worry, I'm just feeling...off."

"Off. Because of the Leviathan?" He looks as if he's staring right through you, as if his eyes can see all your thoughts and feelings, spinning and bubbling in your mind.

You nod and he continues, "I didn't want to rush you into it...but me and Saskia came up with a sketch of the master. You didn't see his face did you?"

"No, the only faces I saw belonged to Julius and mean lady. Now that they know I'm gone there's no doubt they've left that building they trapped me in."

He steps closer to you. "What was it like?"

"Not...nice." You see the wave of uncertainty wash over Jamie's features. "But I'm fine."

"Good. I don't 100% believe you, but...good."

You genuinely smile at him and he starts to walk away, you spot something shiny and blue sticking out of his back pocket.

The pen from art, he still has it? Your smile grows wider. "Jamie...wait!"