Soothe | Bakugo x Reader

Chapter 39

Sakino keeps bugging me about it all day and all night. My phone won't stop buzzing. I've had to put it on silent and even had to mute her on all my social medias a couple of times because of how hectic my phone becomes. She won't stop pestering me about it! Every hour of every day, I get a text or a phone call or even an email come through asking about if I have said anything. It's gotten to the point where I don't even answer anymore. What's the point? She should know the answer by now and she shouldn't keep pestering me about stuff that doesn't even matter. I get to choose what I do, not her. She doesn't decide what I do or who I talk to or what I talk about. No one does.

Every nightmare that manages to weasel its way into my brain, I shrug off and tell Katsuki it's just me having a bad mental spell (which isn't wrong! I'm slightly stretching the truth) and that I'll be fine. Each night, waking with a cold sweat, Katsuki is there for me. He doesn't understand what's going on, sure, but he still holds me close and keeps me grounded enough to fall back asleep. To help me feel comfortable enough to release the string of consciousness and allow slumber to wrap its tight arms around me again and again.

But it's the same nightmare. Over and over. Again and again. Each and every night. It doesn't stop. Not for me. Not for Katsuki. Not for anyone. It's like a wasp that won't leave you alone in the summer time when you're wearing a bright colour. It's never ending. It'll never stop. Never. Not even for a little bit. As much as I want it to end, I know deep down that it won't ever go away. It'll come back again and again, all over again, until I eventually lose my mind. It's almost like he's winning...

That he's coming to get me again.

Dreams are always the same. A dark alleyway, pitch black. The sound of footsteps. My breath slowly trickling from my lips. Chest hurting. Unable to feel my feet from how fast I tried to run. Throat closing up. Chest unable to handle the beating of my heart. Stomach acid threatening to expel itself. The menacing glint of the knife in the light. That sinister grin that makes my stomach coil uncomfortably and my saliva turn sour.

Those hazel eyes that bring me nothing but fear...

What am I suppose to do?

Nothing... I can't do anything. All I can do is push this down. Bottle it up and hope that it'll just go away after a couple of days. Hope that I will never see that face or those eyes ever again in my entire life. Pray that he'll never try for a second turn and ruin my life even more. Hope and pray that Katsuki will never ever find out about this whole situation. He doesn't need to worry about me when he's already got too much to worry over. I'm not important enough for that...

Besides, I don't need to worry. I'm never ever going to Katsuki's agency for the rest of my life until that bastard is dead and/or missing and/or fired. It's a win - win situation! I never have to worry about seeing him nor do I have to worry about my anxiety playing up.

I just need to keep it on the down low.

My mother doesn't even know what's going on. I hope to keep it that way. The last thing I need is her screaming at me down the phone to come home and never leave again. She worries too much. My mom doesn't know when to stop worrying and she'll keep going until it drives her insane. She's a worrier. Always has been and always will be... yet when she found out that my boyfriend is the number two hero, it's slowly begun to put her mind at ease.

Sighing gently to myself, I sit on the couch in the lounge of Katsuki's home while flicking through my comfort series. A faint smile on my lips as I nibble on some chocolate from the 'emergency pick - me - up' kit that Katsuki had made for me when he did a workshop for kids to show them how to make their own little wicker basket full of treats to help them cheer up after a bad day. Katsuki filled mine with all my favourite candy and chocolates and a couple of miniature stuffed animals and stress balls that I may need.