salt air and serendipity [lrh]

five

Alone time with Ashton Irwin was a rare occasion, but when I really needed a friend, I knew he'd be there. We kept our one-on-one interactions brief unless one or both of us had specific plans to try with each other that night. I just didn't know where else to turn.

Last night was terrible. The day already began in a weird place, finding Luke in my bed and my journey down the stone path I hadn't ventured on in months. I kept to myself during the day with Calum and Luke, only speaking when spoken to or to ask the occasional question to Luke. He and Calum seemed to get along quite nicely, which made me happier than expected. I'd hope this would go the same for the rest of the guys, I really liked Luke and wanted him to stay, but part of me was scared. He had talked about moving so much, maybe this was just a small part of his journey. A blip in his life. Maybe it meant nothing to him.

The rest of the day was a blur. Nothing much happened, Calum, Luke, and I just sat on the beach talking and I was barely listening. The only thoughts my brain could stay focused on were about Ricky. Anything that happened or was said ended up leading back to him in my mind. I didn't want to plague the boys with my blueness that I decided to cut the night short.

They both walked me home before the sun even fully set which was out of their way but appreciated. Watching them walk away in different directions, I stood outside my front door. I didn't want to go into my house, but I didn't want to stay out either. Seeing Luke walk away from me with his back turned, in Ricky's clothes, caused my breathing to hitch. From far enough away, he looked like him. He was taller than Ricky, but not by much. His build was similar, being a giant but seemingly not grown into his full body yet. His hair was shorter and a bit darker, contrasting mine and Ricky's bright blonde hair, but still shined golden under the sun. And the clothes set the sight in.

I swung my front door open and head straight for the stairs, unfortunately, not fast enough for my parents not to call me over to them. They asked what was wrong, why I was home so early, what I was in such a hurry for.

"It's none of your business."

"Actually it is. You're our daughter." Says my mother.

I don't know what came over me but I just started sobbing the minute those words left my mother's lips. She tried to come over to me to hug me, but I shoved her away, almost throwing a fit at anyone's touch or consoling words. That's when the yelling began. My father, mother, and me all screaming at each other. For what? I couldn't even say why. But all I know is I ended my night without dinner and slamming my door so loud it rang through the house.

I haven't left my room since then. It's now around 6:00 PM the next day and I hadn't left the room to go to let my parents know I was alive, to get food, or even to go to the bathroom. The last time I was like this was about seven months ago, but that lasted three entire weeks. I wouldn't let that happen again.

About an hour ago, I got a text from Ashton asking if I was going to go over to Michael's to hang out with all of them. I said no, with no excuse. He knew something was wrong so he just showed up outside my window. Climbing up every morning was Calum's thing, but all the boys knew about the ladder and used it on occasion. They'd be blind and stupid if they didn't.

I let him up. I had no choice when his eyes met mine looking up at me with concern. I threw down the ladder, watched him climb, and then closed the window, sitting right back down on my bed in the exact position I had been in for the past 21 hours.

We had sat in silence for a while. I didn't know why he was here. He could be hanging out with our best friends who were perfectly capable of socializing right now, but instead, he's with me, his other best friend, who couldn't even form a coherent sentence without tearing up.