Goodbye My Delusion | TXT Beomgyu

11

When the bus reaches our destination, a hotel parallel to the beach of Boryeong, Beomgyu's head is still resting on my shoulder. He jerks awake when the engine stops, blinking at me with starlit eyes. "Are we here?" he asks.

I want to tell him no, just so that he'll return to sleeping next to me. Instead, I swallow and point out the window. "We're here. The beach is right next to us."

"Awesome." He jumps up in his seat, stretching toward the ceiling of the bus.

"Alright everyone!" says one of our chaperones, a lady with a pink blouse and bob haircut. "We're finally here. Everyone, choose a roommate and we'll hand you a key along with your room number. Then, we'll meet at one of the empty rooms in the hotel to go over our agenda for the weekend."

For a horrible moment, I believe Beomgyu will choose someone else as his roommate. But not a second passes before he puts his arm around me. "Good thing I already have the perfect roommate," he says.

I want to laugh or cry in joy. Instead, a sob gets stuck in the center of my throat. This boy is too good for this world.

Beomgyu and I are assigned a room on the highest floor, the tenth one, our exact number being 1004. We'll be sandwiched between Huening Kai with Taehyun and Yeonjun with Soobin.

I have to ask myself again. Is this real life?

Just a week ago, I was drifting throughout the city of Seoul with my high strung mother, trying to find happiness in late night meals, street food, and cheap fashion. Now, I'm actually living in my most ideal fantasy. People online would probably call it a fan fiction come to life.

Three weeks left. I have to savor it to the fullest.

"C'mon, I can't wait to see the room," Beomgyu says, once we're off the bus and the keys are handed to us.

The hotel has a bit of wear to it, its paint chipping due to the sea breeze and dampness that surrounds the area. The eggshell walls are fading to a light grey, and the couch in the lobby looks like it's borne the weight of at least a thousand visitors.

Still, Beomgyu shows no disappointment. I would think that he'd show a bit of his idol attitude, but he keeps on proving to me that he's one of the few celebrities who's truly grounded. He races past me, up the stairs and through the crowd of other students. I have a hard time keeping up with him, and by the time we reach the tenth floor, I'm panting and sweaty.

"Why didn't we take the elevator?" I ask him, hauling my backpack past the last flight of stairs.

He looks back at me, eyebrows raised. "You didn't see the sign? Elevator's broken."

"Oh gosh." I look back at the landing. "I'm not looking forward to my legs killing me during this trip."

"We'll get them properly worn in," he says. "I don't feel it as much. Maybe because of all of my dancing."

"I bet so," I say, as we enter room 1004. The room reflects its humble exterior. The place has a small TV, a desk, and not much else. We have to open a closet to get a hold of our mattresses, which I'm assuming will lay on the floor.

Beomgyu puts his futon next to mine. "These aren't too bad," he says. "Not a real bed, but it'll do for a few days."

"How do you do this?" I ask.

"Do what?" He peers at me with doe eyes.

"You're always so positive," I say. "I don't know how you do it."

He sits down on his futon, and I follow suit. He squeezes his nose. "I wasn't always like this, you know."

"What changed?" I ask. I notice the quiet in the room now, so separate from the bustle and life of Seoul. If I closed my eyes, I bet I could make out the roar of the sea along with its hearty breeze.

His mouth sets in a grim line. "I had a horrible time as a trainee, you know. I felt beaten down. Constantly nervous and defeated. I wrote a few songs about these times. Hopefully you'll get to hear them in the near future."

"I can only imagine how hard it was," I say. "You weren't even certain whether you'd ever debut, right?"

"Right." He sighs, casting his gaze upwards. "You know, I sometimes look back and wonder how I survived. Sleepless nights, my body constantly aching, my emotions constantly on a rollercoaster. I believe I only truly changed right before my debut."

I nod, waiting for him to continue his story. I realize how attuned I am to his every word, not wanting to miss the elements of the boy I've grown to adore so much.

"It was during the time of our evaluations. My teammates and I had to rely on each other like crazy. We made a pact that once we debuted, we'd show the world more purer and happier versions of ourselves. And it happened!" He gives me his warmest grin. "Debuting made me realize that my whole rough journey was worth it. Now that my dream has become fulfilled, I realize that I need to keep a constant positive mindset. Inspiring others to chase their dreams, whether it be singing or whatnot, is my life mission. People who maybe don't believe in themselves so much, I want to be their light."

"People like me?" I ask. I can't stop myself.

He grins again, showing his brilliant teeth. "Yes. People like you."