Into The Hills

Chapter 4

Elena's POV

I get home that night and Matt and I have a long talk that goes on for hours. Eventually, he agrees to change his schedule around so that me and him and Jackson can start spending more time together. The change makes me happy, although, I wish he had realized that he wasn't spending enough time with us in the beginning.

We go out as a family, baseball games, to the movies, the indoor swimming pool, we try to shower Jackson with the love he deserves but at the end of the night we just end up fighting.

"You know you didn't have to spend so much money." I say, one night as he gives me a slight glare. His blue eyes showing annoyance.

"Well, you said baseball and seats are expensive, dear." He bites back, laying on our king sized bed. He sighs deeply, taking off his shirt. I barely glance at him, as I turn away.

"Well, can't we go camping you know we're low on budget." I criticize, looking at the white wall, next to me.

"I'm not talking about this anymore, Elena. You're the one who made me cut my hours." I look over at him and see his eyes are closed, he rubs his temples with his fingers and it just makes me angrier that he would say this.

"I thought you wanted to, you know spend time with your family." I bite back, in a harsh tone, my voice rising.

He looks over at me, rolling his eyes.

"Don't expect me not to spoil my kid, Elena." He says, pulling the covers up.

"I'm not saying you can't. I just don't want him to grow up and expect everything from us." I say with an icy glare, and he opens his eyes, his mouth in shock, and I see the tiny vein in his head that always appears when he gets angry.

"You know this is what Dr. Bennett was talking about, you criticize everything I do!" He yells, his chest heaving from anger.

He did have a point, I usually did critique everything he did, I couldn't help it. It was a bad habit of mine and sometimes I would pick a fight just to feel something, like right now for instance.

"Well, sometimes you don't think things through." I yell back, I feel my face getting flushed from the anger.

"You know what if you're not happy then maybe we shouldn't be together." He says in a hushed tone, probably in fear our son was listening two doors down.

I feel my heart clench in pain at this comment, I knew he was right deep down in my heart and I find myself growing agitated as my thoughts drift back to Stefan. I cover my hand with my mouth, not because I am sad, but because I know that deep down I was still very attracted to this drug dealer, and it was putting a strain on my marriage.

My eyes well up in tears and Matt looks over at me, his blue eyes softening at my tears.

"Hey, hey. I went too far." He whispers, his arms find a place around me, as he cradles my head in his chest.

I cry into his chest, feeling the guilt set in.

Gently, he pulls back and we look at each other.

I see the same expression I saw in Stefan's eyes three days ago, pity. And I would take it. I couldn't be with Stefan and anger starts to burst through my tears as I cry. I find myself leaning towards my husband, trying to get my mind off the man that haunted my dreams.

I brush my lips against Matt's and he's surprised at first, his arms still around me, not making me feel safe or even loved but.. comfortable. His hands drift to my cheeks, cupping them as we kiss, his movements so gentle and his touch so safe that I find myself pushing him back on the bed, I sit on his lap, not breaking the kiss, my movements rough and unpredictable, that's what I really wanted.

Matt kisses me back his tongue exploring my mouth, he gently caresses my sides and I find myself getting turned off at this. I grab his soft blonde hair and tug at it a little, begging him to go faster, because I wanted to feel my heart race against my chest, dive into the fear of the unknown.

He breaks the kiss, panting.

"Elena, why did you just do that?" He asks, confused, his eyebrows furrowed.

I put a finger to his lips, not wanting to hear his voice, I kiss him again, pressing my small body along his strong one, I press so hard he's leaning against the headboard, a low moan comes from his throat.

He kisses me again.

"I love you." He says his eyes full of compassion as he looks into mine.

I feel guilt in the pit of my stomach as I nod, faking a smile.

"I love you too." I whisper as his lips gently press against mine, I feel myself growing agitated again at his pace. He slowly slides off my shirt, not breaking eye contact with me, little kisses hover on my neck and I moan, leaning my head back.

His hands move around my bra and I close my eyes, but he doesn't remove my bra just yet, he nips at my collarbone and I just want to kick him, tell him to move faster. But I keep my mouth closed, he slides off the straps off my bra as he kisses me, massaging my perky breasts slowly.

I can't even find a moan in myself anymore, my face is flushed but not from arousal but from impatience.

Finally, he slips inside of me, making low gentle thrusts, every time he would pick up his speed he'd go back to gentle thrusts, making me want to kick him in the ass.

I close my eyes and lean my head back, picturing a different face, his green eyes would stare at me intently, as he pounded into me, his pace would be fast and hard and he's mouth would latch onto my nipple, probably nibbling it and his fingers would always be down there, adding pressure.

I hear Matt cry out and I'm so absorbed in my fantasy that I cry out along with him, meeting my end with him.

I feel my cheeks flushed as he leans down and kisses my forehead, I turn away, as his arms wrap around me, feeling less then content at the sex I just had. I don't remember it being this bad, I mean we had a kid, was I always into gentle movements?

I try to think back but I feel myself closing my eyes, I sit up in bed and go to the bathroom, getting my pills from the cabinet, I had tried to stop taking them ever since Matt and I talked but I've realized they are what keeps me from going insane in this boring lifestyle.

I lean down in the tub again and pleasure myself, once I meet my end there, I get back into bed, going on my side, I lay there what feels like hours, tossing and turning.

Dreams come and go and slowly morning creeps it's way through our window. I stare up at the ceiling, frustrated. I'm still in a high the word doesn't seem quite right. Matt says he's going to take Jackson to school and I just nod, not really moving.

My thoughts drift back to Stefan, and I close my eyes, feeling my heartbeat pick up.

I had no reason to see him but for some reason I wanted to, I know it was just lust but it was the realest thing I felt in months.

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