Into The Hills

Chapter 26

Stefan's POV

I wake up woozy, as I grip the table for support, pulling my numb body up, I must have did 3 too many lines last night, I wipe at my nose, and see the powder still there, I groan lightly, and sit up, feeling jittery as I make my way, sitting down on the red leather couch, I lean my head back, sighing deep.

No nightmares, and no dreams, this whole doing hard drugs again thing was turning out great, if it meant that I had no more nightmares, and I was numb to everything around me.

I decide to make myself a sandwich, my hands slightly shaking as I spread the mayonnaise on my bread. My stomach grumbles in complaint and I roll my eyes, finishing the last touches of my sandwich, I hadn't ate since last night, and I feel the pang of hunger hit me, as I eat the sandwich fast, my mind on more cocaine as I devour the sandwich, I feel it go down my throat, as I sit down on the couch, bored out of my mind. I don't know what to do, or think, or feel anymore, all I want to do is lay here, and not think about shit, let my sadness take over me, so I can get up and do more drugs.

Suddenly, I am interrupted at a soft knock at my door, I grunt softly, not expecting anyone, and half of my mind tells me to ignore the person standing outside that door, but curiosity takes over, and I find myself getting up, and heading to the metal door. I open the wooden beam, and slide the door as best as I can, my teeth grit when I realize who it is: Elena.

Why was she back here? Didn't she know I wanted nothing to do with her? I feel anger bubble in my chest, but I lean against the door, my eyes raking her body, she's wearing a nice blue summer dress, her cheeks flushed red from the sun, her long brown hair down her back, and her brown eyes focused on me, she allows me to stare her down, God, she's so beautiful but then I remind myself what she did to you, and my jaw ticks, as I stand with my arms over my chest, my breathing heavy as the anger sets in.

"You don't have to say anything." She says, quietly, as she stands in the doorway, I raise an eyebrow at her, wishing I was high, and I had no emotions towards this, but I know no matter what my mood, she will always have a tug on my heart.

I loved her, I still do.

"I just.. I wanted you to know that I'm leaving.. Matt found out and everything is a mess." She says, looking into my eyes, and I know she doesn't want my pity, and I won't give it to her, as she gently reaches up and touches my cheek, I feel a shiver run through my body at the simple gesture, her warm hand still touching my cheek as she searches my eyes for some kind of emotion.

"I'm leaving.. and I wanted you to know.. I don't regret a single thing, I don't regret us, Stefan. I know you want nothing to do with me, and that's fine. We all need our space, but we were meant to be, I'm sure of it.. I love you. I love you so much. But, I need to figure out what I'm doing in my life, get it together, and maybe, you'll be a piece in the future.. I don't know. But, I don't regret us." She leans in closer, and I feel her warm breath on my cheek, as I close my eyes at her words, they make my heart flutter a little, but broke it at the same time. I don't regret us either, I fell in love with you instantly, I need you, Elena... I want to say, but I keep silent, as I watch some tears fall from her brown eyes, she puts her other hand on my cheek, inching closer.

"Please.. kiss me." She whispers, her brown eyes closed, I gulp low, so she won't hear, she had no idea the effect she has on me, part of my heart was breaking in her embrace, while the other half remained beating, her eyes closed, as she waits for me to do something, but I feel like I'm drowning, I suppose I better give her this kiss, just one more.. one for luck.. luck of a better life for her, Lord knows she deserves it. I hope you find what you're looking for, Elena. Even if I couldn't give it to you. I think, as I lean down, and gently connect her lips with mine, their warm and soft against my lips, and I groan low, as she pushes her lips more into mine, begging for more, but I can't.. I can't do it. I pull back, her eyes still closed, as I watch her intently, my green eyes scanning her lips slowly, it's taking everything in me not to plunge back in and kiss her, show her how I really feel, pick her up and take her to my bed, and never let her set foot out of this house again, but like I said I can't, she scarred me too bad, and it made sense she was leaving, just like I said she would in the beginning.

She finally opens her eyes, as her brown eyes search through mine, sadly.

"I want you to have this." She whispers, as she reaches down, slowly, lifting up my palm with her warm hand, I feel her open it, but I don't dare look down, not wanting to cry in front of her, I feel her place the picture in my hand, before I can register it in my brain, my face blank, as I look up at her, there's tears in her brown eyes, and I want to pull her close and comfort her but my arms feel broken.

She gently reaches up and caresses my cheek with her warm fingers, I feel my lips tremble a little at the innocent but powerful gesture.

She smiles softly at me, and my face softens a little, I close my eyes, as I feel her warm breath on my cheek again, she pecks it, and then puts her lips against my ear, causing me to shiver out of surprise a little.

"Goodbye Stefan, I'm still counting on us." She whispers, and I grip the picture in my hand, as I close my eyes, I hear her close the metal door, and I finally open my eyes, I look down at my palm, and see the picture crinkled in it, Elena in my plaid shirt, laughing like she's free, and now she was, she let me go, and I let her go, just like it was supposed to be, two strangers now, like we were before this all happened, and the crazy thing is, I didn't regret a single moment with her, I hated that she lied to me, I really hated it, every time I thought about it, I felt like throwing something to the ground, but I'm no fool, I still love her, so fucking much, and now she's gone, away, never to be seen again. I crumble up the picture in my hand, not wanting to look at it, anger floods through me as I march back to the couch, grabbing a joint I must of rolled last night and left on the table, I raise it to my lips, as I set the picture down, my heart racing as I take the blue lighter lighting the joint up, I inhale and watch as the smoke blows out along the room. I feel a tiny bit better, but as I stare at the picture on the table I feel sick to my stomach. I slowly take the picture from the wooden table, and make a flame with the blue lighter, pain floods through me as I hold the picture above it, watching it catch fire, the brightness burns my eyes, but I don't dare look away, watching the flames lick her body away, until it's just my plaid shirt now, I feel a sick feeling of satisfaction come over me, as I watch the flames go higher, burning her face out of the picture, but sadly not my heart. I burn myself when it reaches the top, and I curse lightly, blowing on my fingers, the picture is gone, and I never have to look at it again, and as I finish my joint, I laugh, because I know that I still love her, picture or not.

Suddenly, sadness washes over me again, and I feel it tugging at my heart, I grit my teeth, begging myself not to cry, I hit my head with my fists, anger flooding through me, as hot tears make their way down my face, that's it, it's over, I have nothing to live with anymore, no one to love me. I had lost everything, my business, my brother, my girlfriend, my pride, my emotions, I was like a zombie now, roaming around but not really belonging anywhere, I don't even remember the last night I slept, sleep that's what I needed, I needed to sleep for very long time, and never wake up, the world would never have to be disgraced by my presence in it. I grab my drugs with shaky hands, I find some of the prescription pills I used to sell Elena, Valium, her drug of choice, the drug I was going to end my life with, I laugh bitterly , and pop off the cap, shoving the pills down my mouth, I feel hot tears in my eyes, as I cry, weep, actually, my mouth full of pills, suddenly, I want to spit them out, and not do this, but I remind myself I have nothing left to live for, and might as well die the cliché death of a drug dealer: overdose.

I swallow the pills, and lay down, I don't feel anything at first, and I begin to worry, maybe I didn't take enough, but slowly my body breaks into a sweat, and I know their working, my heart racing against my chest, trying to keep up with the pills I just ingested, but I kind of laugh at it's struggle.

Suddenly I hear a pounding on my door, and I groan, trying to get up, maybe it was Elena trying to tell me she's sorry, well guess what? I don't give a shit, I'm a dead man, now. No one can stop me, I feel my body begin to relax, but suddenly, I feel like my heart is going to beat right about of my chest, as I look up, I see Damon above me, and I can't tell if this is a dream or not, because I feel his feather light touch on my shoulders, and I feel myself smiling, but I can't hear anything he's saying, all I know is his blue eyes are wide, and he's shaking me, but all I hear is the pounding of my heart in my ears, and suddenly, I feel very tired, as my eyelids droop I struggle to stay awake to see his pleading face one last time, but I feel my body slowly drifting away, my eyes closing, as I feel his shakes become mere pushes, and then... nothing. I don't feel a damn thing.

XXXX