Love Is Bad.

- Chapter 16 -

yesterday lots of things happened. I fought with Aaron and I even ended up fighting with Emma too. Emma still doesn't know why I'm mad at her or maybe she's pretending not know. I'm not really sure. but to be honest, what she did made me stop trusting her. she was such a B*tch to me and she used me. but actually, she's the one who started the war. I hate people with two faces like her. I hate liars. and she's gonna regret that sooner or later because people that treat me like a game make me so angry that I show them how the game is played.

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I was walking on my way to my classroom with Wendy. I didn't know that my direction was in front of Aaron's class until I saw him. I looked at him and he was already looking but when he saw that I'm staring too, he quickly looked away. he was now facing someone I didn't recognize and they were both talking. I ignored my thoughts of telling me to apologize to him and just went downstairs to enter my Maths class...

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Now, it was 10 am. I was already home since I only have 2 classes on Saturday. I opened all my social medias and just kept listening to music while thinking....

I thought that if someone really loves you, he won't handle a day without talking to you.
What if Aaron really got over me this time? what if he gave up on me? what if he really get hurt? what if I made him think he's not good enough? what if I really did break him? what if he won't talk to me anymore? what if he'll find someone better than me? what if he'll find a girl that appreciate his love? ...

all of these thoughts were on my mind. but if he really loves me, he'll talk to me again, right? unless it was all a lie.... however, I was already planning to apologize to him on Monday at school.

it was 5 pm now. I was eating salad while surfing the net as usual. suddenly, I got a message from......

Aaron. it said:
"I love you.  are you still mad, babe?"  I was reading his text in shock. to be honest, he surprised me. I didn't expect him to talk to me. I didn't even have a good answer for him and yeah, I said nothing. I just sent this emoji :
" '___'  "

minutes later, he said again:
"I love you"

I couldn't tell him "I love you too" NO WAY. NOT AGAIN. I knew he was still mad at me but what I didn't understand was *why is he still talking to me?* I have to admit it. I know I hurt him. I could read the broken expression in his eyes today. the way he looked at me just made me feel bad about my self even more..
"ok. I was going to tell you *I'm sorry* anyway..."  I said.
"it's okay, babe. no thing happened actually. you're my life"  he answered.
Damn, HOW CAN SOMEONE BE THAT PEACEFUL?
"No, I know that you're mad...." I said.
"it's okay, it's okay! Don't think about it. I'll forget that anyway" he answered.

I couldn't say anything. I just sent a sad emoji :
" :( .... "
"what's wrong, sunshine?"
"nothing!" I lied.
"I love you for whatever you do to me. even if you hurt me, I still love you :-* "  he said.

for a moment, I felt really upset. I also felt bad. I know I don't deserve him. I don't deserve these sweet words. I know I'm not good enough for him and I'll never love him back. it's true that I like him but I can't fall in love with him. I just CAN'T. and I'll never be able to. I couldn't break his heart and tell him the truth though but I also couldn't use him and lie to him. however, the idea of him playing with my feelings like every other bad boy was still in my mind...
"....I love you too! <3 " I answered.

after that, we were just talking about classes and stuff. and of course, he kept saying that he loves me over and over as always.

BUT WHAT IF HE REALLY DOES LOVE ME?
Nah, he doesn't. STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT, DAISY!!! - I kept saying to my self -

it was already 7 pm now and he just went to do something I don't know what it was.

however, I sent a last text to him even though I knew he won't answer until tomorrow. It said:
"Can I ask you a question? "

yeah, you might be confused but I really had lots of questions through my mind and I needed answers. I'm just not brave enough to ask him...

I needed to make him feel comfortable when I'm around though. I really wanted him to treat me like his girlfriend and his best friend at the same time. so, at least, we'll get to know each other much better and talk about everything. we won't hide anything from each other and we'd just know every single fact about each other. I really like that kind of relationships and if he'll ever be able to make that happen, he'll probably win my heart easily and I won't even think about leaving him... YEAH, that's how I wanted us to be so bad !!

I could already imagine how cute we'd look if we'll try to be comfortable around each other and stuff.. because let's be honest, whenever we're together, he'd never look into my eyes and we'd both talk about nothing which makes it really awkward.

I REALLY HATE THE AWKWARD SILENCES WE HAVE.

and oh!! DIDN'T I MENTION THAT? Aaron got a problem in his leg (I don't know what is it since I didn't ask cuz I forgot about it) and I think he'll do a surgery soon... OKAY, I hate talking about these stuff. it makes me think I'll lose him and I won't see him ever again...... what if he'll get worse? I'll really regret hurting him that way....

I was also smiling now while thinking about the fact that he promised me he'll never smoke again just because I don't like boys that smoke... ISN'T THAT JUST CUTE? oh gosh, I need to stop thinking about him. it's not like he'll really stop smoking just for me, right?

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that was all chapter 16 ;)
hope you liked it.
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keep reading if you wanna know what'll happen next :)
I love u <3 Bye!
- Daisy -