Feelings

Love

Sometimes we don't know how to say a few words
Those words are powerful and maybe hurtful
It maybe turn into a heart to heart conversation
Maybe to not face that, I'll write about them rather

These words maybe seem negative
But they are indeed very positive, look on the bright side
Please try to understand my perspective too
And if not possible do not be hurt, I'm trying my best

I realised it's my fault, I was way to attached to you
Everything you said, every word, I took it to my heart
I begged inwardly for appraisal from you
You were and are very important to me

Those words you said to me but didn't mean
Since your anger got the best of you
Even those I can never forget, the scars they left
I know it's my fault, but I can't help it

I became so dependent on you, it wasn't love anymore
Every word I said that hurt you, I cried the whole night for it
I regretted being attached to you so much, I still am affectionate
Those were really good times but it has to expire

Like you perhaps know about my mental health
I wanted to die so badly
But then I thought of you and I couldn't, a good thing
And you liked me they way I way before, I'm sorry

I discovered it quite late but thankfully not much
The root cause of it was you, my affection for you
I wanted to prove myself to you and everyone else
I was afraid I might let you down infront of everyone else

I was scared you might feel bad so much that
I forgot even I was a human being, with emotions
The more I suppressed them, the more dangerous they became
I might not look like one who cares about others but I do

I was afraid of revealing it to you, it would upset you
I did the worst in those tests in which I saw you looking up to me
I don't blame you, I blame my attachment with you
They didn't let me breathe, gave me anxiety attacks

I know it's my fault, I'm learning too
Rather than focusing on literal meaning of your words
I realised I should focus on your emotions behind them
I don't know if you know this by now, I love you very much

At times I felt like a psychopath, I was scared of myself
But it isn't a really bad thing after all
I'm learning a lot, becoming stronger mentally and emotionally
I hope now you'll understand the reason behind my behaviours

And maybe understand me more...