Feelings

Someday

It can't be expressed in these few lines
It's a personal experience of around five years now, alone
But atleast I can give you a summary

Although I don't know if you'll understand
They say to empathize you have to face it
But it's been too overbearing for me now, I want to say

I've been trying on my own for a long time
I don't expect anything from you
Just a little bit of understanding, can you?

I always loved to confide in you
But because of your responses to some events
I took a breathe and a step back

I have been battling a few mental health issues
I know you could have guessed from my behaviours
But I don't know if you understand the gravity of it

It isn't about will power like people say
As far as I have understood it, it's about love
And my inner child wants to be understood

I wanted to tell you the day I realised my condition
But I neither had the guts to nor do I have it today
The reason why I am writing these few lines

I don't know if you know how exactly I've been
Well, at times I cry everyday without any reason
Little do you know, I've cried often infront of the whole family

Depression? It's not just that
Once something like this starts, related health issues emerge
It's like a chain reaction, little did I know

Well but depression wasn't the first thing I faced
It was the first that I noticed
The first condition I faced was anxiety attacks

If ever I have the courage to send this to you
I would like you to know I have been facing
Suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety attacks

It's pretty common, that hurts honestly
Let's hope together that it doesn't get worse than it already is
At times I am barely able to breathe, don't worry though

I may have borderline personality disorder too
I've some unhealed trauma, I'm working towards them
Don't worry, I'm seeing good results too

Someday I'll explain everything to you in depth
But I want you to know a brief about this
Someday I'll dare to speak to you in person, someday