Country Girl at Heart

Chapter 13

"Rise and shine, inmate." An irritating voice wakes me abruptly. I groan when Wren turns the light on and I'm blinded.
     "Go away." I roll over.
"Think I'd rather stand hear 'n bug you."
"My alarm hasn't even gone off yet. Can't you at least give me until then?"
"No need to worry 'bout that, I came in here and turned your alarm off this mornin'. You slept right through it."
I snuck back late last night and didn't get to bed until 4am so I don't have trouble believing him. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Decided to give you the day. Figured Becky could use some help out back in her garden."
I sit up slowly. "That's random."
"Not random at all. Dawson mentioned you might be interested in it."
I'm both mad and glad Dawson said something. Glad because I am actually interested but mad because I don't want to spend the day away from him. Now I have to go hang out with Becky and hear about how amazing Alabama is.
"Make sure to wear those overalls we bought'cha. The garden can be just as dirty as the ranch. Maybe even more."
Turns out he's right. Digging and planting and working in soil gets all over me. My knees, elbows, hands, face, and hair are covered by the end of the day. I m going to have to take a major shower after this and somehow find a way to scrub underneath my fingernails that are long over due for a manicure.
"Don't worry, them nails'll be fine. You get used to it," Becky laughs at me.
     "Say that to my now chipped white quartz gel."
     She shakes her head for the thousandth time today, as if she can't figure me out. I've got her all figured out though. Becky is like an open book when you get her talking, which isn't hard to do at all. One question and she goes babbling on into multiple different stories that have nothing to do with each other. The one nice thing about all the stories is that I also get to learn a lot about Wren.
She tells me about a scar the size of a mason jar on his left shoulder blade from when one of the machines caught his shirt and almost took his whole arm off. She almost starts crying when she tells me how a horse fell and trapped him in a canal once, almost drowning him. The story of how they met isn't at all as interesting as how he met Mom but it's cute in different ways. It says a lot about his character because apparently she was pregnant with another mans child when they met. She ended up losing the baby but Wren was more than willing to take on a new born and a 10 year old.
     I realize he only waited 2 years until moving on from us... Becky must have been a real catch to do that. Maybe having Ali, who is the same age as I am, filled a hole in his heart.
     It also makes me wonder if losing a baby sister is what made Ali so against accepting me from the start. It would make sense. Being told you're going to have a sibling, imagining the future with her, and then losing all of it suddenly. That's a lot for a 10 year old to handle. She probably feels like I'm replacing her unknown sister somehow. It makes me want to be nicer but I can't get past the whole 'if you don't respect me, I don't respect you' ego trip I have going on.
She finish's another story I wasn't listening to by saying, "That's right 'bout the time we hired Dawson to come help out 'round here."
Using the opportunity, I ask, "How long has he been coming here?"
"Few years now. He's really taken a likin' to Wren." She helps me plant some seeds. "Apparently he's taken quite a likin'ta you too."
"What do you mean?" I busy myself with getting the placement just right in the soil.
     "You think I don't notice the screen door squeakin'  shut at too early an hour every mornin'?"
     I cringe. "I didn't think you could hear it."
     "Wren might be a heavy sleeper now but I'm up every time."
    "Sorry for waking you..." I'm not sure what she wants me to say. Obviously she already knows what I'm sneaking out for.
     "Oh no darlin', it ain't you that wakes me. I'm used to bein' woke up 'round that time the last 8 years'a my life."
     "Since you met Wren?"
     She looks at me with a gaze in her eyes that tells me  what she's about to say hurts. "Your daddy's been havin' nightmares since the first night you were gone. Wakes up in a fright, sometimes yellin' your name. Sometimes your mama's..."
     "Oh." I don't mean to say it so short, it's just... the pain from imagining him having nightmares because of us and the fact that I actually feel hurt that he was so hurt shocks me. He made it clear he held on for a long time when he told me about him and Mom but the kind of trauma that wakes you up every night for years and years must have been excruciating. But something doesn't add up. "You said he was a heavy sleeper?"
     "Now, I said. He's a heavy sleeper now. Ever since you got back he hasn't woken a peep. Sleeps right up to the alarm. 'Course It's been so long my alarm clock is usually him wakin'. Now I guess I gotta get used to sleepin' in. That is, until you go a'course," she says while patting down the dirt around the lettuce.
     If the news of the nightmares hit me with a ton of bricks, this truth hits even harder. It's like an elephant  sits on my chest. "What do you think will happen when I have to go?" I whisper.
     "I reckon I'll find out when that time comes, won't I?" She passes me the watering can. "Now enough'a that. I'm still waitin' on the details 'bout you and Dawson."
     I make a twisted face. "Ew. I don't want to talk about the details with you, no offense."
     "You're at least being safe right? You're usin' condoms and all?"
     "Oh my god! Becky?!" Did she really just ask me that?! Can she get any more invasive, jeez!
     "I'm just bein' the responsible parent and askin'! You don't have to go and get your panties in a wad."
     "Well it's weird! I don't want to talk to any parent about my sex life."
      Her wide eyes tell me she thinks she caught me. "So you are havin' sex?"
     "No!" I hand her back the can harshly, grabbing at anything to get my attention away from her.
     "Lexi, darlin'... you know you can talk to me 'bout anythin' right? I don't know how it works with your mama back in the city but here you can open up about anythin' without judgment. And don't worry 'bout me tellin' your dad or nothin', I get it."
     I don't even know what to say to that. The way it works back at home is this would never be happening in the first place. Mom would never ask me about my personal life, she wouldn't want to suffocate me like most of the other parents she knows. I basically have the freedom to do whatever I want and not have any consequences. Coming to me about my sex life isn't something she would ever think to do. She probably just assumes I've figured it out by myself. Which I have. Very much so. I don't need help in this department.
     What I do need help with, and this may be something Becky can give me advice on, is what I should do about my feelings for Dawson when time is up. It's getting closer and closer. We only have a week and a half left. That's only 10 days! 10 days until I go back home and don't have any more opportunities to talk to someone about things I should probably be talking to someone about.
     "What if I get nightmares, too?" I whisper. "Wren started getting them when two people he cared deeply about left and never came back. What if that's what happens when I lose Dawson?" I've stood so strong by my stance on how to handle it but the closer I get to actually having to deal, the more I panic and have no idea what I'm doing.
     "You don't see yourself doin' long distance?"
     "There's no way that would work... I think we both know that. That's why neither of us have brought it up. He wants to stay here and settle down with a wife and kids."
     "And you don't see yourself doin' that? You'd make a wonderful mother and your children will be breathtakingly beautiful. And blonde." Joy shines through her eyes.
     "Of course I want that but not as soon... and in a completely different location. Plus, I still want to travel abroad... maybe spend a semester in Paris or something." Saying this out loud is making me realize we really don't have a chance. Not without one of us losing our dream. "Life would crush us."
     "Ya know honey, you're only seventeen. It's okay to want more outta life 'fore givin' it to someone else. You should do everythin' and anythin' your little heart desires. If that's goin' to school... then do it. If that means settlin' down and havin' kids... you should. If it means travelin' the world and never stayin' in one place then go for it, darlin'. Dawson should do the same, and if it's meant to be... it will be. If not, let it go, and be happy that it happened."
     "So... don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened?" I sigh. "Easier said than done, I think."
     "You're right, it ain't easy. But nothin' worth havin' comes easy. If you need'ta go out and live a lil 'fore it's time to see if life would crush ya, well, like I said... it won't be easy. But you'll never know if it's worth it if you don't try."
     The way she's talking about the situation is making it seem like we're trying to be together for the rest of our lives. I never thought about us this way. Never, ever. I haven't allowed myself to think that far ahead because I had it embedded in my mind that we would never have a chance anyway. What's the point of day dreaming about something you know can't happen?  
     But what if...
What if I leave here and we go find ourselves and grow as people, live out part of our dreams just to come back together. What if I get sick of the busy, eccentric, loud city and crave being somewhere simpler. What if Dawson ends up venturing out of this town and falls in love with the personality and character of a wilder environment?
     What if we could work?
     I could be a ranchers wife and make sandwich's, mend the garden, take care of the kids with a man like him by my side. He would be the most outstanding husband. I just know it.
     Or what if! What if... he becomes the father and husband he wants to be while supporting me, his wife, as I break the glass ceiling. I would be the ball of spit fire he so much enjoys now, but imagine who I'll be 5, 6, 7 years from now when I learn to harness it and use it to its full potential.
     "So many what if's..." I whisper as I come out of thought.
     "There are." She stands up and wipes her knees, flinging chunks of dirt everywhere. "One of 'em bein': what if we miss lunch and them boys we're so worked up over don't get fed. Imagine that."
I smile thinking about their reaction if I don't show up with those brown paper bags and a Mountain Dew. "Yeah you're right," I stand as well. "Enough of this random therapy session. What's meant to be will be, right?"
She nods with pride. "You got it', darlin'. Now let's go inside and whip up some pickles and cheese."
"Becky?" I call her to turn around. "This was nice."
She winks, "However you decide to handle leavin' what you got goin' here, do it with your all. Don't hold back. Got it?"
"Got it." Something possess's me to wink back and in doing that I have no idea who I've become; winking and getting advice about boys and major life decisions from Becky of all people.

"Don't mind if I do." Dawson takes a bag then walks away to sit up on the fence around the horse pen.
Becky just so happened to forget to pack Wrens entire sandwich so he's forced to go inside to find it. I have a feeling she did it on purpose. She knows I might need time with Dawson to think everything out.
     I take out my own sandwich but stay where I'm at in the shade of the stables. I watch him for a while. Admiring, lusting and being indecisive over him. The longer I look the more I see. The more I see the pure light that radiates all around him. The wicked enticing smile and gaze. The knowledge he somehow holds even though he's only been on this earth for nineteen years. This boy has helped me see things about myself I didn't know could exist. And he does all of it without trying... he's just himself.
He's Dawson Priest.
For a split second he stares right back at me. I don't grin with seduction like I usually do. There's no twinkle in my eye or slink to my step.
Without warning, he walks to me, taking off his hat and hanging it on one of the pillars on the way. His hair is officially at that length I've been waiting for it to be this entire time. He's so perfect in every way. I'm sure there are plenty of things to uncover still but from what I've seen... he's perfect. It saddens me I may never be able to uncover them.
Neither of us says anything when he puts down the food from my hands then places them on his chest. I can't look at him directly so I take out my anxiety on his shirt by bunching it in my hands and closing my eyes.
     He takes my face and hangs my head back. "What's goin' on in this head of yours." He kisses me. "Huh, city girl?"
I let out a tight breath, trying to inhale as much as I can so I don't pass out and embarrass myself. "A lot."
"Hm..." He kisses me again. "How was your day in the garden?"
This time I open my eyes. "I'm not happy about you telling Wren... but it was much needed... so thank you for knowing I needed the push."
"We all need'a little push every now and again. Myself included." I wonder if that's a hint for me? But what could he possibly need a push for? There's only thing that comes to mind... "You gonna tell me what's wrong?"
I shake my head. "I don't want to ruin anything more than I will. No point in stressing twice." Even though that's all I've been doing the entirety of today.
"Yeah, you said that." He tilts my head even further so I'm forced to look up at him. "What do you need from me?"
"Kiss me," I whisper.
My eyes flutter shut as soon as his gentle caress spreads from his lips to mine. He doesn't intrude my space or move to go further than a mundane peck. Which is appreciated.
"You know what I need from you?" I pull back enough to breathe each others air. "I don't want to wait until the last day anymore. I don't want to leave here wishing I didn't wait... and wanting more." I move into him but a rustling from someone walking up pushes us apart. Dawson grabs my food and leans casually against the stable door as if I wasn't just telling him how much I need him. All of him.
Wren appears, stopping when he sees us. "What's so funny?"
I notice Dawson not able to hold back a grin. "Nothing, sir."
"Horse shit, what were the two'a ya doin' just now?"
I glance around, too in my head to think on my feet.
"I was just... makin' fun of how dirty Lexi got out there in the garden."
Wren seems to buy it because he does a quick one over of me then visibly relaxes. "Told her she'd get dirtier out there. You should probably go get cleaned up."
     "I'd like to ask real quick... sir." Dawson pushes from the fence, throwing away the food in the process. "I got somethin' real special planned for Lexi but I'd have to steal her away from another one of your evenings."
     Wren looks between the two of us, just as in thought about this proposal as I am. That special thing he wants to plan... I know exactly what it is.
     "That's fine as long as it's not Sunday. Sunday is for family day. I'd like to spend that time with her before she goes."
      A growing tinge in my heart strings come to life. It never occurred to me that leaving Wren will be just as hard, if not harder, than leaving Dawson. He's been so generous with letting me come here in the first place. Opening his home and heart to the the long lost daughter he hasn't seen in years. It probably killed him when Mom called and bombarded him with my stipulation. I've been such a love sick puppy recently, I forgot there's another person who will be just as effected by my absence.
"Maybe you can teach me how to grill a steak or something this week?" Now is a better time then ever to make up for lost time. Not that I have any interest in knowing how to grill but I know he takes great pride in his ability to whip up a good steak.
"I'd like that very much," he holds back a smile. "Now go get cleaned up."