Country Girl at Heart

Chapter 18

The lights in the house have been out for an hour but I can't seem to fall asleep. I don't how I could after the night I just had. Going from the sadness of the party, to the confidence in walking in, to the fight with Ali and the cry fest after... the fear of the cops being called and seeing Dawson handcuffed... the disappointment on Wren's face... to now.All alone in my cloud sheets bed surrounded by rainbows that aren't doing a very good job at creating a happy environment. At this point I'll only be able to register rainbows with darkness because of this trip.
A crack at my window forces me out of bed to see what it is. I'm relieved when I see Dawson climbing up the side of the house. He raises the window as sneakily as he can before stepping into my embrace. I hug him tighter than I ever have before. This will be one of the last before I leave.
We find our way to the bed and he enfolds me into his side. I latch on like an octopus using every limb and part of my body I can to hold him.
"You're right," he whispers, "these sheets are terrible."
After everything, I find it in me to laugh. I laugh so hard I have to cover my mouth from being too loud, but eventually it turns into a sob and I'm a mess all over again. I've never been this emotional in my life. I cover my face because I don't want him to see me ugly cry. This can't be the last memory he has of me.
"Hey..." He turns to his side so we can face each other. "It's okay."
"No it's not. None of this is okay. I don't want to leave you."
"Can you look at me?"
"No..."
"How else am I gonna be able to memorize this face of yours if I can't see it?" He's right. I can't deprive us of anything at point. I slowly give him what he wants. "Thank you," he whispers.
We stare into the others soul for hours. Kissing and touching but not in a sexual way. He's too much of a gentleman. It's so innocent how he is literally trying to memorize every dip and turn and hump and freckle and feature. I let him caress it all. Let him kiss, and brush, and gently swipe over my face with his finger tips. He knows this is a pivotal moment... I can see it in his eyes.
"We still have one more day," he assures.
"It's not long enough."
"But it's all we have."
"Will you forget about me... when I'm gone?"
"You really think I could?"
"I don't know... I don't know what you're thinking... or feeling... you're so composed and I'm over here blubbering like an idiot."
"I got too much to say... And I don't think I could put into words what exactly happened between us here. I just know from the moment I saw you I knew I'd get my heart ripped out by the end'a this."
"My heart hurts... too much." I want to tell him how badly I'm about to stay. That I want to stay. It's killing me not to share it with him. But it would only make this harder.
"You know somethin'?" he says with a pep to his tone, "you're gonna go back home and live the life you told me about. You're gonna follow your dreams and become the woman you want. You'll find some lucky guy who can give you the life you need, who can afford to take you 'round the world and cover you in diamonds. And if he doesn't, shoot, I'll fly there and woop his ass for ya." An unexpected laugh escapes me. "I'm serious, Lexi. You can't let this hold ya back from nothin'. Go and live your life and let this stay in the back of your memories while other new ones come about."
I look up at him with tear filled eyes. "What about you? Will you get what you want?"
"What I want will be on the other side of the country, so not fully, no. But I'll manage. I got the ranch and the animals. I'll dive into work and you move on with your life however you see fit. I don't want the memory of us to be tainted. I want you to look back every once in a while and be okay."
"Smile because it happened, don't cry because it ended..."
"Exactly."
I cuddle into his chest. "I'll never forget you, cowboy."
"And I you, city girl."
"Why do I feel like this is goodbye?"
"Don't worry, we still got one more day."
That is the only thing keeping me alive right now.
We still have one more day.