The Hardest Heart (A Farewell, My Love Story)

Chapter 1

First things first, gotta set some stuff straight:

1. For those of you who are unfamiliar with farewell, my love, PLEASE check them out! They're SO good! (facebook.com/farewellmyloveofficial) And be on the lookout for A LOT of amazing things this year from them (music, merch, and video wise!)

2. The band has gone through a line up change a little while ago, BUT for the first part of the story, im using the OLD line up, which is: caleb harbin-vocals, gary grant-bass, robby creasey-guitar, chad kowal-drums/back-up vocals.

3. The band has 3 new members though, BUT they will come later on in the story. Robby and Chad are still in the band though: Ryan Howell-vocals, Chad kowal-Drums/back-up vocals, Robby Creasey-guitar, charlee conley-bass, logan thayer-guitar.

Anywhosies, enjoy ch1 ^_^

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   It's been the LONGEST 2 years of my life without my friend Clayton here with me. He committed suicide when we were 17 and seniors in high school thanks to a bunch of cowards, also known as bullies. We have been best friends since we were 3, and nothing made my life more complete than having Clayton around. He didn't even get to graduate, get into photography school, and start his professional photography career he's always wanted to. He didn't get to live his life and be happy. All because of the stupid ass football team at our school. He couldn't take it anymore, and I tried stopping him. Thinking of this brings back so many memories, and tears in my eyes. I sometimes can't live with myself knowing he's gone...I started cutting after his funeral, heavily smoking, drinking, the whole ten yards. I just don't know what to do with myself. Right after Clayton was gone, the bullies targeted all their hate towards me. I was bullied also growing up, but never as bad as Clayton was. I'm SO glad to be out of that hell hole of a school.

   I can't forget my other best friend Sydney. She's my sister from another mister! I honestly don't know where I'd be without her, or how I'd cope with Clayton's death. She has talked me out of suicide I don't know HOW many times. Eventually, her parents got fed up and payed for me to get professional help. I'm stuck talking to some psychologist once a week for an hour. She was a lovely lady, but come on. I actually live with Sydney. Here's the thing, my father died of heart disease when I was 5, and my mother abandoned me like trash and put me up for adoption without looking back.  At least she was nice enough to make sure I got to to keep in touch with Clayton, because she knew how much he meant to me.

   I've been from foster home to foster home until I was around 7, and eventually, Clayton's parents took me in because they all missed me too much. I lived with them until all the bullshit and drama started, following Clayton's death. I then moved in with Sydney and her family because Clayton's house bought back too many memories. I still keep in touch with his parents and visit them, since him, Sydney, and I live in different parts of the neighborhood. So it's not that far of a walk. It was so much fun living with Sydney though! I was an only child and so was Clayton, which is part of the reason why we were so close. Sydney has a sister named Lily, and she's only a year younger than us (18).

   So here I am, laying on my bed in my room watching Farewell, My Love on youtube. It was just Robby and Caleb, but it was still a lot of fun. Caleb has the voice of an angel, I swear! Someone recorded when they went live. Thank you, stickam! Sydney found them on the front page, so we decided to join in on their chat. We've been talking to them through stickam and facebook and we've been in love ever since then. They actually are the reason I'm trying to stop smoking. It's been about 3 weeks since I've put a cig to my lips. As for the drinking and self harming? Not even CLOSE to stopping. The guys are gonna be on stickam again tonight and I can't wait! I REALLY fancy their drummer, Chad. He's gonna be on the stickam this time. He's the most gorgeous guy to walk this planet in my opinion! I havent had a crush like this since Clayton...We actually dated for 7 months and then called it off because we were better off as best friends. Theres something about Chad that interests me, not just his looks ;) I can't wait until they do a full band stickam. Gary's a cool guy.