Shell Of A Man

2 - Shattered

PRESENT:

Left alone on the sidewalk, Ray was devastated. Every fiber of his being was torn apart as he saw Jason walk away. His whole world collapsed in front of his eyes in a matter of seconds.

Ray had always had hope. He believed that one day he will meet Jason and apologize, and then everything will go back to the way it was. He was certain of it. That's what kept him going. But, what he had anticipated for the past eleven years, just didn't happen.

Ray could feel the ache in his chest, his body giving up. He fell down to his knees, a single tear rolling down his cheek. There was chaos inside him. He wanted to break down, cry his guts out, but couldn't. Somewhere deep inside, he couldn't accept what transpired, and that's why his subconscious refused to cry.

Ray somehow managed to pull himself up. His body felt so heavy, he just wanted to lie down, but he stood up and hailed a cab to his office. There was loads of work to do at the office. He couldn't let his personal life stop him.

On the way back to his office, it got harder and harder for Ray to control himself. With every passing second, the reality was settling in. Jason wanted nothing to do with him. He had moved on. When Ray walked into the office, he was nothing more than a walking corpse.

Ray's zombie-like state did not go unnoticed by Leonard. Now, Leonard and Ray were not the best of friends, but they had what you can call a good professional relationship. Prior Espinoza McLaren, both of them were senior associates at Hills & Jones, a law firm in Boston. When Leonard joined Espinoza McLaren as a Junior Partner, he made an offer for Ray as well. He knew what a great asset Ray will be for his uncle's law firm.

When Leonard saw Ray, he immediately knew that something was up. A party animal looking so down, something had to have gone wrong. He had never seen Ray in such a state before. He quickly made his way towards Ray and stood in his path.

"Holt, what's wrong?" Leonard asked.

"Nothing," said Ray. He didn't even look up to whoever was talking to him, just tried to walk past them.

Leonard grabbed Ray's shoulder and jerked them, somewhat bringing him back to his senses. "You can talk to me, man. Come on," he said and dragged Ray to his office.

Leonard made Ray sit down and gave him a glass of water. Ray tried, but even swallowing water was hard for him at the moment.

"What happened, Raymond? Talk to me," said Leonard.

That was it. That's when Ray broke down. He couldn't even balance himself on the chair. He fell down to his knees as he sobbed his guts out. Leonard tried to console him but didn't have any luck. He just sat there, holding Ray.

After twenty minutes or so, Ray finally pulled himself together. Leonard picked him up and made him sit on the chair. This time, Ray downed the glass of water.

Both men just sat there quietly. Leonard didn't know what to ask, and Ray didn't wanna talk. He just kept playing with his lighter, turning it on and off, again and again. Focusing on the flame was helping him to tune out his thoughts.

"You want a smoke?" Leonard asked.

"No, I promised him that I'll never smoke again."

"Promised whom?"

"Jason," said Ray. He finally looked up and saw a confused look on Leonard's face. "My college boyfriend, remember?"

"Ah, yes. You never really told me what happened between the two of you."

"One mistake...that's all it took. One mistake."

"What did you do?" Leonard asked, but Ray remained silent. "You cheated, didn't you? I have seen you get loose after drinking." Ray just nodded, tears still rolling down his eyes. "Why," Leonard asked.

"It was a mistake. I had no idea what I was doing. But it wasn't what broke us up. Had I told him I wanna fuck other guys, he would have totally been on board. He was always up for what I wanted to do. I was very important to him, and he treated me so. Always putting me first... He used to call me Blondie," Ray chucked.

"Then what was it?"

"It was the fact that I broke his trust. He had been through so much. He always kept to himself, but with me... He told me his truths. He opened up to me, trusted me with the most important things in his life. He shared his deepest darkest secrets with me, Leonard. He put so much effort into our relationship, and I... I broke it all. I promised him that I will never smoke again, but I did. That night, I..."

Before Ray could continue, someone stepped into Leonard's office. It was Oliver. "Sign these and then fax them to Mr. Crest. I am leaving for New York tomorrow. You'll be handling the case now," he said and left. It was common knowledge that Oliver doesn't like Leonard. But he was a professional and knew better than to let his personal feelings come in between of their professional relationship.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" Ray asked. Leonard just took a deep sigh. "It's written all over your face," Ray added.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"Why do you always have to fall for the straight ones?"

"Believe me, if I knew that, I would fix it," said Leonard.

"But, why does he hate you so much? Is he homophobic? Or did you make a move? What?"

"No, he isn't homophobic. He's genuinely one of the nicest people I have ever met. But, as you said... One mistake...that's all it takes."

"I understand," said Ray and stood up. He fastened his suit jacket's buttons and fixed his tie.

"Where are you going?"

"You have work to do. I don't wanna burden you."

"No, I don't. Now, sit your ass down and tell me everything about you and Jason," said Leonard.

"Leonard, please. I can't," Ray said with a shaky voice. Just his name was enough to bring the tears back out.

"Ray, you don't have a lot of friends. Please, let me be one. You have helped me countless times. If it wasn't for you, my career would have been over. Please, let me help you with this. And, I promise that talking about him will make you feel better. I am saying so from personal experience. Ray, please."

Ray took a deep breath and took his suit jacket off. Next was his tie. He never really liked wearing them in the first place. Then he poured the two of them some whiskey and sat back down.

"It's quite a long story."

"I've got time," said Leonard.

As the whiskey disappeared, Ray told Leonard everything about his relationship with Jason. He skipped the secrets, of course. He couldn't betray him more.

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A/N: What did you think of this chapter? Please let me know in the comments.

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