Shell Of A Man

5 - Let's Start Again

PAST:

After the Labor Day weekend, tables turned around a bit. Jason realized that he was indeed attracted towards Ray and hence became less hostile towards him. On the other hand, Ray became completely detached and wanted nothing to do with Jason whatsoever.

The few times Jason hung out with the group, Ray completely ignored his seldom efforts to talk and mostly kept to himself. Seeing Ray's behavior, Jason also kept a viable distance. They both only interacted when it was absolutely necessary.

The tension between the two was so thick you could cut it with a knife, and everyone saw it. Though, no one knew what to do or how to get the two even talking about it. Being the common link between the two, Jessica came to the rescue. She decided that she and the group would gang up on the two of them at her birthday party and wouldn't let them leave until they sort out their differences.

It was kinda given that Ray would be at the party, him being Cody's roommate and a good friend of everyone else. Still, Cody decided to formally invite him, and as expected, he accepted the invitation.

Now, it was Jason's turn. Jessica and Jason were in a class, waiting for the professor when she brought the topic up.

"You see, my birthday is coming up. Fourth of October. We will all go to a club or something after the classes, and you are coming," said Jessica.

"No, please. It's really not a good idea," said Josh.

"Why so?"

"You know, I don't really see eye to eye with your friends, and..."

"And, Ray will be there." Jessica completed his sentence.

"Yes."

"What do you have against him, huh? I know he's a bit flirtatious, maybe a bit promiscuous too, but his heart is in the right place. And, I know you have a thing for him, don't you dare deny that. I have seen you checking him out like a million times now. Why not just give in?" Jessica asked.

Jason gave out a deep sigh. "Cause he's everything I am not," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"At first, I thought that he just wanna hook up with me and move on. You know how gay guys are, right?" Jason asked.

"I am well versed, yes. And, to be honest, I thought the same thing."

"But, that's not how he really is, is he? After the whole scene at the party, I started noticing him. Behind all that flirt is a good heart. On countless occasions, I have seen him helping people. Whether it is donating to the homeless or helping the elderly, or even helping out other people with school stuff. I have heard that he helps out at some shelters as well.

He is so nice, so chirpy. It's like, he lives in a bubble where the world is very good. And, believe me, there's no place for me in it. If anything, my presence is only gonna break it," said Jason.

"Oh, you are so very much mistaken. Ray has been through a lot. And, he's much stronger than you think," said Jessica.

"Of course, he's strong. Have you seen how comfortable he is in his own skin? Or how confidently he walks as of nothing scares him? Or how he never hesitates to speak his mind? Those aren't the qualities of a weak person. If anything, it makes me weak because I lack all of those things."

"I don't see the fucking problem. Where's the fucking problem?" Jessica asked, irritated.

"The problem is that he's so good...and I am not. He's sensitive and emotional. I am not. He's kind and considerate. I am not. He needs someone who can complement those traits, not someone like me, who doesn't feel anything, who's dead inside, who's just a shell of a human being. I am not good enough for him."