It wasn't until Easter break that James and Regulus talked about Sirius again. It was a full moon, and James had said he felt a little nauseous, and wouldn't be joining them. Regulus and James had the room for themselves. They sat on James' bed, with butter beers and some apple sauce. James didn't really understand how Regulus could just eat apple sauce as a meal on its own, he'd always kind of considered apple sauce to be a broccoli kind of meal, its not a meal on its own, and an unusual snack. But Regulus looked cute so who cared.
"James?" Regulus asked. James, who had already been staring at his handsome boyfriend, hummed, letting Regulus know to continue. "Should we tell Sirius?" It was a question, for sure, but it didn't sound like one. It sounded more like a statement. James didn't know what to answer. He wanted to, he wanted to stop pretending because he'd been pretending to himself for a way too big part of his life but he was scared. He was so, very scared. Scared to lose Regulus, scared to lose Sirius, scared to lose both of them. He was so scared it made him angry. Because why was he scared. He knew exactly what would happen. Sirius would get angry and impulsive and say a few things he'd come and apologise for about a week after he'd said them. James would be very surprised if Sirius' reaction would be anything other than that. And yet he was scared. What if this time, Sirius meant what he would say. James felt bad, and angry at himself for ever daring to think that Sirius would be homophobic.
"James? Is everything alright?" Regulus said. Tears started to form in James's eyes, so he looked away.
"I- yeah I'm fine. I just-" James sighed. He didn't want to show weakness to Regulus, for some reason. Merlin, James. You sound like a pureblood. I bet mommy black told Sirius the exact same thing. James got angry at himself again. He'd been dating Regulus for months now! He was just such an idiot he- he- he-
He felt his temper build up. His emotions all somehow found a way to become anger. Anger because of his anger. Anger because he's scared to show Regulus emotion. Anger because he's disappointed in himself that he let his temper rise like this in front of Regulus. Anger because he's afraid he's going to hurt Regulus. James started hyperventilating, and he felt what he assumed were Regulus' arms around him from behind. Regulus took James' arms and prevented them from moving too much. Regulus' grip was tight, but not too tight where it felt like James was being captured. Regulus whispered calming words in James' ear, and slowly, James calmed down, and he started crying. He felt incredibly guilty for being so angry, and was very happy that even though Regulus let go of James' arms, he still kept hugging James to comfort him. When James stopped crying, he turned around to hug Regulus back.
"Thank you," James whispered. "How did you know to do that?" James felt Regulus smile, and they let go of each other.
"Sirius used to have panic attacks at home," Regulus said. James smiled and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend, who happily kissed him back.
"I'm sorry I reacted that way," James said when they pulled away.
"You don't have to apologise."
"I'd like to tell Sirius, but I'm just so scared. I keep imagining scenarios of different reactions he could have, and they scare me so bad, Reggie."
"It's alright. Maybe we should first just tell him we're not straight. That way he'll be less shocked."
