Love, On Read (MxM)

Prologue

Oliver's POV

I should've never fallen in love with Benjamin. Maybe then I wouldn't be sobbing over a Facebook post at three in the morning. I honestly should've been asleep. I had an exam later on in the morning, but I had been tossing and turning since midnight. And after seeing this photo, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to sleep now.

It was a simple selfie. One with his hand poised for the camera alongside his boyfriend Mason, who wore a matching ring. Mason was another football jock that was friends with us in high school. I hadn't known he was interested in males, but I never thought Benjamin was either.

The caption read, they say if you like it, put a ring on it, so I did.

Cheesy. Just like him. Mason probably had teased him about his cheesy phrases and lines just like they had in high school.

I should've been happy for him. Should've been smiling, and calling him to tell him that I was happy for him. But we weren't like that anymore. We weren't best friends, weren't two peas in a pod like they called us our whole lives. No, we were barely above being strangers now, reduced to mere Facebook friends. With all the lies and secrets he kept, I don't think there was ever a way to get back to the way we were. Especially with the way he abandoned me when I needed him most.

And yet, that should be me in the photo, I thought selfishly. But I knew that foolish thought was just a mere remnant of the little hope I had for my childhood crush. With the sheer thought of what those rings entailed, it only made it worse. Had he been open about his identity, open about the sheer idea of being friends with the openly gay kid in our class, maybe it would've been more than a simple crush.

He ruined that, I reminded myself. He pushed me away, scorned me in a blink of an eye after coming out to him. After dreaded weeks of building that courage, only for him to walk away and refuse to talk to me. And then the hate he had shown, the taunts and endless bullying that had ultimately pushed me to transfer schools. To know that he felt the same was damning, to say the least.

And with Mason of all people? He had been his partner in crime, another football jock that followed him like a lost puppy during Benjamin's taunts and harassments. He had been the very one to see the bruises, the gashes I got from Benjamin and his buddies bullying.

And despite it all, I had told Mason about that stupid crush. Trusted him and his stupid kind eyes. Told him how I felt about my best friend. To think they got engaged felt worse than the punches they threw. Benjamin had been my friend first. My childhood best friend. Then Mason appeared and suddenly I was discarded, a mere face in the crowd.

I felt betrayed. Raw, and sore from the memories of high school. It wasn't a pleasant time, it wasn't a time of finding myself. No, it had been a time of hurting, of running, and hiding everything about myself.

Benjamin had always been my rock, the person who had been there through all the bullying over my height and appearance from elementary school to the first two years of high school. And for him to discard all those memories we shared over two simple words? Was Mason and the rest of his football team that important to him? Was his reputation and desire for a sports scholarship important enough to throw a 12 year friendship down the drain? For once, I was alone. I had no one but Benjamin all this time.

I had moved on by myself, pushed past the bullying, the slurs, the constant torment, and got through it. Alone, without him. Betrayed, but determined to amount to something, I had focused on my studies, transferred to a different high school and became a wallflower to pretend things were fine. Slipped under the radar for the most part before seeing college as my escape. Things had been fine, I had new friends, even some regular hang-out spots.

So why did it hurt so much to see this damn post? Why was I sobbing?

To think I thought I had gotten over it.

I stared at the photo through my tears, wondering if things would've been different, would I still be in his life? Would there have ever been a possibility of that being me beside him instead?

I sighed before setting my phone face down. I couldn't stare at it a moment longer, didn't want to see all those happy congratulatory comments and reactions. They were out of my life, there was no reason for me to get this upset over a post. 

Not even a minute later, I received a ping. With a groan, I picked it up, only to see a notification from Facebook Messenger. Frowning, I did a triple take, afraid to even tap and open the message.

I squinted my eyes to make sure I was reading the username correctly. Benjamin Adams.

With a lack of judgement, I clicked it, surprised to see not one, but three messages.

Hey, it's been a while.

You doing alright?

Can we talk?

He was known to text like this, never in one message. He'd rather send a string of short messages. Probably the only thing about him I really knew.

But knowing Benjamin, those simple texts were just out of obligation. Maybe Mason had told him to, or Benjamin was doing it to brag about how happy he was with Mason. It was possible Mason had sent them too, given that he knew about my silly crush.

It wasn't for my sake. That's for sure. Everything he did never seemed genuine anymore, especially when it came to me.

He was never mine to begin with. I should've known I would always be on my own. After all, I had been on my own for years since then. All I had was myself. I didn't need him or anyone else, even if the apartment felt cold and empty.

With renewed determination, I ignored his message, before setting the phone down, and trying to sob myself to sleep. I felt so alone, but like back then, I'd move on. I'd persevere on my own just like I had all those years, even through my parent's divorce. For now, I'd leave him on read, just as he did with me.

Maybe then, he'd learn to finally leave me alone.