Love, On Read (MxM)

Chapter 30: Like a Korean Drama

A/N: :)

The air was crisp and chilly outside. It was probably dipping into the high forties, and I wasn't prepared for walking in this weather. I had managed to cross the busy intersection, attempting to blow some steam off and calm myself down by walking through the park. I circled the path as I tried to steady my breathing and racing heart. Was cutting him off and dumping an iced beverage in his face that terrible, or had it been entirely overdue? It was for the best, right? Had he not mentioned his dying mother, I was sure I would have done much worse or would've liked to.

But, even if that had gotten me banned from that coffee place, I didn't mind; I had Haruto make mine at the regular spot.

It wasn't until the fourth lap through the park that I started to shake, the adrenaline quickly dying as I could feel the stresses and anxieties of what I had said and done coming full force. I was rude, probably insensitive, and in a way, just as much of a hypocrite as they were. Benjamin's mother was dying, and I had basically told him and his mother's wishes to fuck off. I regretted it, slowly feeling the racing thoughts and emotions consume me as the cold air set in. I didn't even have my jacket, assuming I'd head straight home after meeting with them.

I found a bench to sit down, the emotions from my past returning tenfold as the memories of their bullying, taunts, and everything hit me again. Why couldn't they have just left me alone? Why did they have to come back once I thought I had everything figured out and moved on?

Running a hand through my hair, I tried to reassure myself that the—whatever lingering feelings I had between them—was completely done and over with. I didn't need them.

And yet, the tears felt warm and steady against my cheeks, their salty taste as they slowly reached my mouth, the silent sobs wracked my body.

It was all too overwhelming.

I just wanted to curl up under a blanket, warm and safe from this bitter cold, and tune out the rest of the world.

As I pulled out my phone to check the bus times, I groaned, realizing I had missed it two minutes ago, the next one not for another hour.

I cursed myself out loud, wondering if I said the profanities enough, I'd feel a little better. I remembered the way Mason had affectionately touched him, the way he had silently asked if he was alright. I just wanted that, too. Was that too much to ask? To feel warm and comfortable in the presence of another person?

The closest thing I had felt that warmth and affection were with Haruto. He had always made me feel special and comfortable within the cafe, even outside after his shifts. But it was just a friendship, maybe not even that. He was just a guy who made the best cold brews at the coffee shop I frequented. It couldn't possibly be like Benjamin and Mason.

And I couldn't fathom letting the fantasy of him and me turn into yet another chance for me to be let down again. I already entrusted Haruto with so many secrets; losing that friendship would be just as painful.

I shook the thought from my head, watching as the few joggers passed by in the frigid cold. They glanced in my direction as they passed, probably wondering what kind of idiot would be sitting in the cold like this.

I fished for my phone in my pocket, hoping it had enough battery to last at least a phone call. My thumb scrolled through my contacts to see if I could ask anyone for a ride. It was probably a mile walk back home, but I didn't want to walk in this weather, nor did I think I could get there without sobbing in the middle of the sidewalks. I was sure Courtney was probably on a date with her girlfriend again, and I doubted any of my other college acquaintances had a car.

Which left me with Haruto's number. He had written it on a napkin one day, sliding it to me as we watched a Korean drama Haruto insisted on watching during his lunch break. I had teased him and said I'd never keep it, but sure enough, I held onto that napkin for over a week before finally programming it.