The Change Within

㉙Make It Feel Better

 
Taehyung did everything he could; he spared no effort to find an answer to the question that occupied his mind for two days now, but he still couldn't think of any other reason he didn't want Jeongguk to go back to Johan.

He didn't know why only that thought made him feel sick to his stomach and even angered him to the point where he snapped at his roommates for no reason at all at times.

I hate this feeling, fuck, fuck! How can I make it go away? Taehyung clutched the edge of the couch so hard his knuckles turned white, a cloud of distress drawing all his features downwards. He eyeballed the variety of drinks lined up on the living room table and grabbed a bottle of soju as a frustrated sigh slipped through his lips.

"Are you drinking from now?" Jeongguk bobbed into the room and examined him in depth as he perched next to him. "It's new year's eve, so it's going to be a long night. Please don't be drunk for the most of it."

"At least if I'm drunk I won't think about anything," he uttered below his breath before he chugged down more of his drink, and it took him a moment to realize that Jeongguk had heard him and was now staring at him with obvious confusion swirling in his eyes.

"Tae, seriously, what's wrong with you these days? You seem different, and I don't like it."

"How am I different?"

"You know, you don't talk to me much. You don't tease me back. And this is kinda embarrassing to say, but you don't even give me any hugs anymore," he spoke with a deep pout on his lips while he kept his head down, feeling sudden spikes sting his chest as he voiced out the complaints he didn't know that bothered him so much.

Taehyung released all the air from his lungs with a heavy sigh and placed his soju on the table, his eyes saddening more and more as he just then comprehended how distant he had become. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me." He scooted closer and crawled into his hug, burying his face in his chest.

"You know what's wrong. You just don't want to tell me," he whispered as he fastened an arm around him and ran his fingers through his soft hair, leaning down a notch to draw in a pull of his comforting fragrance.

"I... I don't know, Kook."

"I noticed you started being like this after our conversation about Johan. Is it about him?"

Taehyung tightened his grip around him unconsciously as he ducked his head even more. "I t-think I'm selfish," he blurted out before he could stop himself, his heart roaring in his ears.

"What?"

"I think—I just think I w-want y—"

"At least get a room, you guys," Hoseok snickered as he made an entrance with Yoongi by his side.

Taehyung lurched back, but the younger snatched his hand before he could stand up. "What? You want what? Tell me." His words came out fast and anxiously as his enlarged eyes bored holes into him.

"Nothing, nothing," Taehyung spluttered, refusing to meet his gaze as he tugged his hand with more force than he wanted, catching Jeongguk off guard. He swiftly grabbed his drink and stormed off to his room without saying anything, leaving the other three staring at him in puzzlement.

"What happened?" Yoongi asked as he sat on the couch, and Hoseok followed a second later.

"I hate you both so much right now."

"Yah! What did we do?" Hoseok shot him a huffy glance.

"You interrupted us! Couldn't you see we were talking?"

"So what? Go talk to him again."

"There's no way he'll say it now." Jeongguk let his head fall in defeat and gripped his hair, analyzing Taehyung's words in his attempt to understand what he wanted to say.