The Scars left by Memories

I Can't Do This Again

"Okay. Explain it to us again, please."

Mike sighs. He had the losers all meet up again so he could explain how they can defeat Pennywise this time. But so far, they were all confused.

"Tokens. We all need to find tokens. Something from our past, something of remembrance of the first battle. That's how the ritual will work. We are all going to have to search for them. If we complete the ritual, IT will die. For good." Mike explains for the second time, using less words this time.

"Ah. See, you just got to put it into dumb people words for us to get it." Richie says.

"So you all understand now?"

"Yeah." Bev nods. "... I think I already have mine." She says, glancing over at Ben then back at Mike.

"So do I." Mike nods. He is already prepared for all this, so he's known what his token would be for a long time now.

"I-I think I know where to get mine too." Bill states, looking down at his hands.

"So Rich, Ed's, Ben and Stan just need to find there's." Mike concludes, looking at everyone.

"Sounds right." Ben agrees.

"This shit fucking sucks." Richie sighs, running a hand over his face.

"I know." Bev spoke, fiddling with her fingers.

"Stan?" Bill says.

The boy hasn't said a thing for the past half hour. He's just sat there, staring at the ground. The boy is always quiet, but not this quiet. Bill has noticed. And it is beginning to concern him.

Stan looks up at them. His lips are pursed. Everyone knows something is wrong, now that Bill has said something.

"W-What do you think of all t-this?"

He shakes his head. Everyone stares at him. He bites the inside of his cheek.

"I can't do this again, guys." He says quietly.

Everyone is now confused. What does the boy mean? He has to do this.

"Stan-"

"No." His head shakes, voice getting louder now . "I can't. I won't. You guys are going to be better off without me anyways."

"Stan, it only w-w-works if we're a-all there-"

"How do I even count?!" Stan yells in frustration, standing up. "I'm not strong enough for this. You guys know this! You're better off if I don't come along, you can just do this without me, you'll find a way."

"Stan, w-we'll p-protect you." Bill says, standing up too. "It's okay. We w-won't let y-you get h-h-hurt-" he says, reaching out and touching his shoulder. Stan shoves him away, cutting him off. He stares at his curly head boyfriend with wide eyes.

"That's exactly why I shouldn't go!" Stan throws his hands up. "You're all going to be busy trying to protect me, and one of you are going to get yourself killed in the process! That's why I don't need to go, because I'm only going to make it harder!"

"We can't complete the ritual without you!" Mike says. "It's the only way it'll work. We all have to go, we have to bring our tokens-"

"Mike, I'm not fucking going!" Stan screams again. He is so angry and scared right now that his eyes are filling with tears. He can't handle the pressure. "I can't! O-okay? I just can't! I-I'm sorry!"

"S-Stan" Bill reaches for him again, trying to comfort him. Stan steps back, getting away from his touch. He shakes his head, pulling on his curls.

"I'm sorry." He repeats softly, before darting out of the clubhouse before they can stop him.

And now, there is only 6.