Nothing Left To Lose - (A Jamie Dornan Fanfiction)

18. NY Part IV

I was already on stage.

The stage was huge...

And everybody was sitting near the back of the auditorium because that was where they were instructed to sit.

I couldn't even think straight - I was so nauseous. I was shaking. Nervous.. anxious. Excited beyond belief as well. All I could think about when we pulled up to the campus was how blessed I was to be given such an amazing opportunity. Not many people get chances like this every day; being a Juilliard kid was pretty extraordinary, and very rare.

I was already sitting at my piano that was placed there prior to my audition. I was behind a curtain; a very large and dark curtain. It was almost pitch black back here, but I could see the lights up above me, waiting to be flicked on.

I said one last prayer before the curtain drew back, and there in the front row were three judges, much like American Idol. The looks on all three of their faces would be described as nothing more than, lifeless. They had the expression that would convince you that your audition was terrible, even if it was magnificent. The lights shined right into my eyes, and I automatically squeezed them shut, which honestly made me look a bit unprofessional; as if I would never be used to the lifestyle of shining lights and enormous amounts of people.

Once my eyes adjusted, I saw the faint figures of my family, Al, and Jamie in the very back. I once again grew nauseous, more than I already was. But, I then looked at the beautiful instrument that sat right in front of me, and a wave of excitement washed over me - it felt like I was at home.

The man on the very left slid his glasses down onto his pointed nose and looked down at the papers in front of him. "Miss Elizabeth Collins, correct?"

A small microphone was hooked to my dress, so it wasn't a problem at all for him to hear my response. "Yes, sir."

"Playing the piano, I see.." He murmured to himself, as if he was trying to get his facts straight. "Alright; whenever you're ready." He concluded, leaving it all up to me, at this point.

I cracked my knuckles, inhaled deeply, then exhaled deeply, and readjusted the sheet music resting against the piano, and began playing. Once I started, I realized how calm I was. It felt like I had done this my whole life (haha), it was the easiest thing in the whole world to me. I started singing the lovely melody that was Maroon 5, and the lyrics flowed with the movements of my fingers, and surprisingly.. I felt fine.

I owned the song, basically.

Once I finished, I again inhaled pretty deeply, and looked down at the emotionless panel of judges, to see their faces with complete satisfaction.

To my surprise, of course.

"Elizabeth- do you like to be called that?" The lady in the middle asked me.

I smiled, "I prefer Beth, ma'am." I replied as politely as possible. She smiled, and looked from left to right at the two men on either side of her. They smiled too, but they didn't give a nod, or any kind of gesture of hope for that matter.

All they did was smile at me.

And they said, "Thank you, Beth. We will contact you soon."

I shot a huge smile back at them, and thanked them kindly for this amazing opportunity, and I made my way backstage.

As soon as I was out of sight from them, I doubled over and held my stomach with both hands, my face directly staring at the floor. I honestly thought I was going to throw up. I really did. And then I heard running and the sound of my name being called.

"Beth!" Al's voice echoed loudly and before I knew it, her arms were around my neck, bringing me into an unexpected hug. I hugged her back, still feeling nauseous. I saw everyone soon after Al pulled away from me. First was my dad, then my mom, Nick, Adam, and Jamie, who lightly kissed my forehead prior to hugging me. "You okay?" He whispered to me. I nodded, but it wasn't a legit "yes;" it was more of an, "ehh."

He kept looking at me with concern, but then he looked away. He knew I was physically sick; and emotionally. What I mean is, my confidence pretty much faded away with the snap of a finger, and I was now convinced that I didn't do good whatsoever.

Jamie then started speaking to my parents in a murmur, and they both nodded. Soon enough, Jamie's hand was in mine, and he was pulling me into some random room, shutting the door behind him. I knew what he was doing, and I knew that he knew what I was feeling at this very moment. His arms pretty much opened up, and before I knew it, my cheek was pressed against his stony shoulder, and I began to sob a little, for I knew he would try to help.

"Beth, please don't doubt yourself. You did so good.." He mumbled against my ear as he ran his fingers up and down my back. "Why are you doubting yourself?"

"I - I don't know." I told him. "I felt so good up on stage when I was playing; I don't know what happened."

"You're just nervous. I swear to God, you did so good. I'm proud of you. Your parents, your brothers, and Allie? They're all proud, too. You were incredible."

"You think so?" I asked, for reassurance.

"Babe, I know so. Like, when you were up there, Al leaned over and whispered, "that's my bestfriend," and I leaned over and said, "that's my girlfriend, and my bestfriend, all in one," and she laughed and agreed with me. We are so proud of you, sweetheart. You truly have no idea." He leaned in and kissed me, holding my chin between his thumb and pointer finger. He pulled away and smiled, soon taking my hand into his once more to remind me that we were all going out to dinner to celebrate.

___

We were all eating at Olive Garden, and we all "toasted" to my audition, hoping for the best results possible.

We then went back to the hotel, and did our own thing. We planned on leaving tomorrow morning so we were all packing everything into our suitcases so we could get on an early flight in the morning. I actually ended up falling asleep on the couch, soon waking up to an episode of Conan O'Brien on TV. It was 2:08 a.m. when I looked at my phone, and besides the light from the TV, it was pitch black in the living room. Everybody seemed to be in their rooms asleep, except for me. I reluctantly got up, turned the TV off, and trudged back into the room I was sleeping in. I quietly opened the door to see Al and Adam fast asleep in one bed, and Jamie in the other, who, to my surprise, was sitting up in bed on his phone. "Hey." I whispered, shutting the door behind me.

"Hey," he said back. "I was actually just about to come get you in carry you into bed." He chuckled, and I playfully kept standing in that one spot, not moving.

"You can carry me, now." I suggested with a quiet laugh. He silently got out of bed and walked over to me with a cute smile, bending down to wrap his forearms around my thighs, and my legs lightly wrapped around his waist. He laid me down on the bed, and he crawled up to me and rolled over to his side, pulling the covers up around us.

"Now go to bed; we have to get up early in the morning."

I jokingly replied. "Bossy."

He quickly kissed my cheek and told me goodnight, and he once again reminded me of how proud he was. And the only way I knew to thank him would be to cuddle up to him and let him know how much I appreciated his presence.

____

Later on the next day, we were finally home, and I immediately checked the voicemail of our home phone to see if we had any messages. I obviously knew that we wouldn't get one for a couple of weeks, but a little dreaming never hurt anybody, right?

——-

Well, hey!

I've missed you guys so much!

I know this is short. But trust me, it gets better and longer.

But I kept reading all of the comments that had asked for the update, so finally, here it is.

I hope you enjoy.

You'll be reading more, soon!

Love you. <3