collateral damage 🔞 - COMPLETE

•fort-eight• (M)

~~~~~Haerin

Burrowing into the thick blanket, I allow my body to sink into the luxurious mattress. The night sky outside the huge windows is clear, and the moon is shining brightly. It feels like a dream that I'm going to wake up from, but the soft snores that escape Jeongguk's lips remind me it's real. I can't seem to relax though... My whole body is tense, and my heart beats fast and loud in my ears.

A week has passed since we met with the CEO of his company. He was a nice man who was very apologetic about the papers that were presented to me. I found him honest, and genuine, but it made me nervous because I wasn't. He asked me about my children, and I was happy to talk about Ye-Jun, and Mi-Hi... But of course it didn't end there. He asked about me, and if I was going to school, or if I have a job... I sat frozen while Jeongguk caressed my thigh under the table. I stuttered out a reply, but my head was exploding in pain, and I know it didn't make sense to him.

I cried all night thinking that he'll find out and take Jeongguk away from me. I am not fit to be with such a person as he's become. If the world finds out about me, I don't know what I'll do... Jeongguk saved me by telling him that I'm between jobs, and he seemed satisfied with that. I hated that the lie is necessary though... It just proves that I'm an embarrassment, and he's ashamed of me...

"Hey... What's wrong? Haerin-ah?"

Strong arms grab ahold of me and draw me closer. I hadn't realized that I was crying, and I hate that I woke him up again.

"Talk to me Hae... Why are you crying?"

"I don't know... I just feel so ashamed of myself Jeongguk... I hate that you have to lie to people..."

"I don't have to lie... I only did because I thought it would be easier for you... But I won't lie anymore if you want me to tell them."

I turn to look at him, and find him smiling at me. His hands cup my face and wipes the water falling from my eyes with his thumbs. I can't bear to look into his eyes, so I close mine.

"I love you Haerin... You, and the kids, are the most important things in my life. I won't let anyone hurt you, or disrespect you..."

His pillow lips brush against my own, and I crack my eyes open. He kisses me harder, pouring love, and affection into it. My heart pounds in my chest, and he pulls my body closer. We've kissed many times, but this feels different. His hands roam my curves, and his lips become needy. It's been so long since we've been intimate, and suddenly I'm nervous. I know we were together at Rush, but that was because of the drugs... It was just sex... I haven't 'made love' to anyone in a very long time.

Pulling away from him to catch my breath, he stares at me with such affection that my heart stops. I feel shy under his gaze, and I look away. His breathing is heavy, and I can feel his erection against my thigh. I don't know what to do right now because I feel so inadequate. If I had a drink, or some drugs in my system, I wouldn't even hesitate... He's asking for a deeper connection though, and I'm scared.

"Haerin... I love you."

"I know... I... I love you too..."

"Tell me what's bothering you then..."

"I don't know if I'm ready... I know you must think I'm dumb... How can a paid whore"

"Shut up... Stop calling yourself as that..."

Sighing, I look up at him, only to find him angry now. He pulls himself away from me, and I feel cold when his body heat leaves. I try not to start crying again, but the fear of losing him comes back. He is standing now as I watch him walk to the window. His back is to me and I see his shoulders shaking... I scurry from the covers and make my way to him. When I place my hand on his back, he flinches but I don't back away.