✓ WE NEVER SLEEP, draco malfoy

S E V E N T E E N

"I, whom loneliness destroys, let silence fall, drop by drop."
— Virginia Woolf - from The Waves

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Rowan let her emotions and feelings circle the drain, wasting and slipping away. Florence hadn't returned to school when she had thought and so the week passed, and then the second and then Christmas came and went. 

She spent her holiday wrapped up in bed or drowning in the library at Hogwarts, as she was not allowed to go back to the Manor, per both her mother and sister's wishes. So, her wallowing only worsened as did her mood. She rarely could rouse herself to eat, but she found solace with Hagrid when he would return to the grounds every now and then during break. She worked and cleaned through the pain that was sewn into her skin, even finding the comfort in practicing defensive spells and even a few hexes or two.

Winter had come, hard and heavy, with such a ferocious weight it heaved itself upon Rowan's already heavy shoulders.

She hid herself away in her bed once classes begun again, curled up and ignoring the fire-lit eyes of Hermione and Ginny, who know doubt heard of her betrayal from the golden trio. Rowan couldn't allow herself wallow but she couldn't help it, that sorrow and confusion and loss of control seeped through her very bones.

Heavy, and hard, and unwanted, seemingly, just like her.

When Florence Greer returned to school that second week, wearing long sleeves and bright, angry eyes, Rowan's stomach flipped with uncertainty. You-Know-Who had certainly chosen a rightful pawn. 

Honor. It was all about honor and pride for the other sister.

She didn't get much of a look from her sister besides a greedy sneer. Of course, it was Rowan's fault she didn't get much else because she'd been hiding herself away in every nook and cranny that could fit her and her dreadful heart. 

Besides not getting many words from her sister, she hadn't gotten any from her best friends. They had avoided her like a disease, like what she was and what she had done was so terrible they couldn't face her.

They didn't let her go back to D.A. practices, and when they told her such, it was the first they had spoken to her in a week, and ever since then, hadn't said a word. 

"We just don't think it'd be wise to have...someone we don't trust amongst the ranks," Ron had said.

Harry and Hermione nodded.

"We need to be preparing and we can't do it when we're worried about whether or not you spilled a little more than you should've over pillow talk," Harry had spat.

"Sorry, Ro," was all Hermione could offer.

Therefore, she was left to deal with her own pain and mystery on her own. 

But, that wasn't easy, not when she had classes with him. 

Traitor, vile, lying, bastard–

He wouldn't speak when they would sit together, his body so far from her like he was recoiling from her presence alone. He was not alone in that feeling and she made sure he knew it when she would barely raise her head or eyes to greet him. She didn't need to prove anything to him, he had made it very clear.

He had sought after her for a bloody chance at her sister. 

He made her fall, slowly. Oh, how hard she had fell.