✓ WE NEVER SLEEP, draco malfoy

F O R T Y - E I G H T

"–who left the blue veins of your throat unkissed–"

— H.D., excerpt of "At Baia", in Hymen

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Draco's heart couldn't slow down, not after the incident at the lake. 

He had watched her stand and then suddenly, she wasn't there. There had been a crack and a splash and then suddenly, silence. It felt like he couldn't move quick enough, he could barely even control his hand as he tore for it through his robes. 

Power had surged from his fingers without a word and without a wand, causing the break in the ice. It was enough for him to finally see the thrashing of her hands, her rings and bracelets reflecting in the moonlight and the lights casted from the wands behind him.

It was like a god had struck its fist down and against his chest, reawakening him from his drunken shallow grave he had been digging himself. He was so caught up in his own head, the thoughts of how they will never get these moments back, how the dead were forced to stay dead, that he barely could recognize what had happened.

He had been on the shore, dry, and then suddenly he wasn't. He couldn't even remember diving into the freezing water, he could register the ice creeping over his skin and soaking through his clothes. All he could focus on was Rowan in his arms and how she wasn't breathing. He had to pull the wand from Theo's outstretched hand to work the spell properly. He couldn't remember the muggle form of CPR anyway, his mind far too jumbled and scared.

Full of pumping adrenalin.

When she finally coughed up water and her eyes were open, it felt like life had been blown right back into him. He doesn't remember a time other than then when he'd been more scared.

Perhaps when he was tasked with killing Dumbledore, but nothing compared to how he felt now. He was nearly lightheaded with anxiety and fright. The past year had torn him apart but this very moment sent him to the ground. 

What would he have done if she had died? If he hadn't gotten to her fast enough? 

The thought alone sent him nearly doubling over. He couldn't allow himself to even think such a thing. Not about her, he could never allow another awful thing to happen. Not while he was alive.

When she was breathing normally, she asked for a drink which caused his friends to laugh but he couldn't even break a smile. Not until she was dry and warm, not until he could rest his head against her chest and hear the steadiness of her heart. It sickened him to know a woman could have such an effect over him but it also sent a spark of delight. He was wanted by her, no, needed. And she was the same for him, in every aspect. 

That night and the next, he kept his arms around her. He had a hard time even getting out of bed for tea or food, not when she was there sleeping peacefully wrapped in his arms. 

There was always a moment when he feared they would be separated and the lake only cemented that horrible fear.

Something awful would come and he couldn't even think straight. 

The day after Christmas, Rowan spent the morning packing a small bag as Draco rummaged through his drawers. 

"And are you sure?" he asked, his back to her. She had just finished explaining what Snape had told her the night of Christmas Eve, and although he was upset she kept the information from him for so long, it made sense. They needed a day and a half of normal before racing back into their task. He'd whispered a quiet silencing charm on the door so no one could listen in and Rowan explained the situation.