✓ WE NEVER SLEEP, draco malfoy

T H I R T Y - N I N E

"still there is an ache in you, and the more you do not know, the worse the ache."

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, from Notes from the Underground

________________________________________

Rowan paced the spot before the windows in Draco's room for a small punishment to herself. She could not stop moving, not until he finally entered and came back to her. She was terrified to leave the room in case she were to run into Blaise or even Pansy and hear them say the worst imaginable news possible.

Staying within his room allowed her to believe he was fine. That he was still alive and coming back to her. Anything outside these four walls were a mystery. She didn't want to hear the truth unless it was good. Unless he was alive.

She was also scared to face Harry again, or even Hermione. Sure, she should be scared to face the boy she actually hurt but his words in the Great Hall lessened her worry, just slightly. Ron was more understanding to her than the others, he always had been. But that didn't mean he could still be her friends after everything she's done. She had lied too much and her heart was now at stake for the cost.

Rowan ended up getting into bed after another hour had passed, her limbs shaking from a phantom cold. She thought about getting into the shower but she was too jumpy and she needed to calm down. Getting underneath the covers, she pulled one of Draco's thicker blankets out from the trunk underneath the bed. It was a stripy green she knew every Slytherin had because her sister owned one exactly like it back at home.

She hefted it up, pinning it over herself to keep her jitters from getting the best of her. Before she knew it, she was lost in a dreamless state, sort of like how the muggles get put under for surgeries or whatever Hermione was going on about a couple years ago.

When she woke, it was dark inside the room and she was still alone. Stumbling to her feet, she got into the bathroom and fell against the sink as she flipped the lights on. Her hands were still dirty with Draco's blood and she could see it caked underneath her fingernails like some sort of memento. 

Harry would be pleased to see her like this. He would be so goddamn happy.

"You could've gotten yourself fucking killed!" shouted a voice from outside Draco's room and Rowan paused, head turning swiftly to the sound. It was muffled but she could hear some sort of uproar and she tore away from the sink and out of the bathroom.

She fumbled with the door and when she got it open, she flew out and down the stairs. The voices got louder and when she reached the common room she saw Pansy and Blaise confronting a very exhausted looking Draco by the hearth.

"Oh my god," breathed Rowan and Draco turned at the sound. His shirt was undone slightly and his clothes were obviously wrinkled. She raced forward as he took a long strike towards her and she threw her arms around him. She pressed her face into the crook on his neck and inhaled deeply, his skin was laced with his scent and he was warm. She pulled back far enough to rest her forehead against his, gripping the back of his neck like her life depended on it.

"Great," muttered Pansy from behind Draco, "now that this reunion is finally done, what the fuck were you thinking trying to duel Potter?! Are you insane?"

Draco pulled back, his arms still around the girl as he looked at Pansy. "I didn't know it would end up like that."

"Like what, mate?" said Theo as he strolled down the steps from his room. "With you in the infirmary and then locked away in Snape's office? With you almost dead?"