𝗦𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗹 🤍

•𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗼 𝗧𝗲𝗿𝗺𝘀•

•💧•

Vince's POV, 1st October 1988

2 days... 2 days since Nikki broke up with me for no fucking reason.

I was so lost, I just can't comprehend what he did... why he did it... we were happy... I can't have been imagining that... we were, we were happy, then in the course of a day we just... weren't, in the course of a day, in one band meeting I lost the love of my life, that was a hard thing to come to terms with.

I just don't know what happened, Nikki told me he loved me that morning like he does every day, yet then when we got back to his place he all but told me he didn't. Nik has always told me he's never been in love before and so when he says he loves me he means it... was that bullshit?

Yes, apparently.

Did I do something to deserve this? Something I can't remember maybe? Something I said which Nikki took the wrong way? Did I do something then and did the encounter with Doc just finish it off?

I just don't know... all I know is that I can't mean much, if anything, to Nikki if he could throw me away just like that.

Y'know, I thought I knew what it was like to have my heart broken... really I did... then Nikki did this to me. He told me he valued his reputation above me, and when he basically told me he didn't even love me when he knew how much I'm in love with him, that's heartbreak and it hurts more than anything I've ever felt.

This never would have happened if Doc wouldn't have found us, it would have allowed me to live in some type of ignorance, even if Nikki doesn't love me, I'd rather live that lie and think he loved me than have to live without him, why couldn't Doc have just kept his nose out of our business? Then I wouldn't feel like this.

I'd spent the last 48 hours in my bed, with over half a dozen bottles of Jack Daniels and Tequila- drowning my sorrows away, I hadn't spoken to anyone and nobody had bothered to contact me, that I know of anyway- so I could just sit here and wallow in my depression and confusion.

Yeah, okay... I'd completely fucked my sobriety but I think I was allowed a drink or twenty after having my heart decimated, atleast it's not drugs, right?

Nah, but don't worry about it... I'll quit it again just give me time to let the pain lessen a bit... how long that is I don't know, but I hope it's not too long cause I did enjoy being sober. It wasn't healthy to do what I'm doing with the alcohol, but I was too heartbroken to care.

Nikki was probably wise to drop me, I would ruin his reputation, if the world knew we were gay then all hell would break loose, it'd ruin the band, most of our female fans would no doubt drop us after finding out half of the band were gay... it was best he dropped me before someone other than Doc found out about us, I can't hate him for what he did... it still kills me though and I'm still angry at him for not telling me anything, he just hit me with the break up out of nowhere, if he'd have broke it to me over time or sat and had a serious chat maybe I wouldn't feel like this, maybe I could accept what he did.

I felt so worthless knowing the last five years of my life have been nothing but a lie, I'd given my heart, my soul, my everything to Nikki even when he didn't give me much in return, I still loved him because he was still Nikki... that's all for nothing now though it seems, I cared about him so deeply, loved him so unconditionally- more than I've ever loved anything so for him just to do this to me was just cold.