𝗦𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗹 🤍

•𝗡𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗜 𝗪𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗦𝗮𝘆•

•💧•

Nikki's POV, 9th October 1988

Another day of misery is on the cards for me today, happy times, I was really beginning to hate this now... I was starting to lose interest in the music, I just wasn't in the right mind set to really focus on music... I'll still give everything 100% but I really don't feel it.

I'm still a mess, I'm scared to fucking leave the house incase I see my old dealer in the street not trusting myself if I did see him that I wouldn't immediately ask for a grands worth of China White or if I saw any fucking drug dealer for that instance.

It's bad, I know but what else could I do? If I don't leave the house unless completely necessary then I won't have the risk of running into my dealer or have the temptation to go out and find him.

I've been speaking too and seeing Mick a lot over the last few days when I've got kinda hopeless and particularly close to ruining my sobriety by either drugs or alcohol, he's definitely stopped me doing some stupid shit.

Today was just running through finishing and then starting another demo, I don't have the excitement about recording, the buzz I usually get is dead... there's no atmosphere now, it's just thick with tension and hatred... it's all my fault, I can't even complain... it's making me feel like shit though. I never felt like this when high off my ass, it sounds so good right now, really it does.

I can't just throw my progress away though... I can't and I have to keep telling myself that. I promised Vince... I promised the other guys and I promised myself... I also vowed that I'd never touch smack again because of Nona... I didn't look after her when I should have done... now I'm clean I owe it to her to remain clean. For good.

If I could just shut the voice in my head up that'd be great but I've had little luck as of yet.

Pulling up to the studio was awkward and I hadn't even seen Vin yet, I did see Mick though, he was stood outside smoking a cigarette, he saw me pull up and when I got out of my car he nodded to me dropping his cigarette to the floor "Hey, you ready for this?"

"No" I say truthfully, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets "Don't have a choice though, another recording session from hell awaits"

"It might not be that bad?" the guitarist says more as a question than a statement making it clear he didn't believe his own words.

"Please, it's gonna be that bad" I scoff "I'm gonna try and talk to Vince though today, I just hope he'll give me the time of day... maybe, maybe not... we shall see"

"We shall... let's get it over with then"

"Yeah, lets" I agree sighing allowing Mick to open the door to the studio where he allowed me in first with him following shortly after.

Getting into the studio instantly faces me with Vince, I held a little bit of hope in my heart that maybe just maybe I'd get something to indicate to me we were okay... maybe a small smile... anything... I didn't get anything, all I got was a blank stare.

It pulled at my heart strings... I needed to talk with him, I just had to find the right time today.

Doc and Doug were sat in the corner of the room and soon took note of my presence, Doug thankfully was the one to speak up and greet me "Ah, Nikki, nice to see you... do you know what you're running through today?"