The queen of the Horn - A suspian fanfic

Never the same anymore

I groan when the morning light hits my eyes. I am still laying against Ed's chest. I smile a little, when I feel his arms around my waist and his head is resting on top of my head. I crane my neck a little to look up to Edmund. I squeeze my eyes shut as my mind remembers the nightmares of the night. I always had them, when dad left for war. Most of the time Peter slept next to me, hushing me and protecting me.
'Good morning Su!' Edmunds green eyes look into mine as he chuckles. I carefully sit up and try not to look at him again. Instead I stare out of the window, it was drizzling outside and it was exactly the way I felt.
'Edmund' I begin, breaking to the silence. 'Thank you for last night. For being there...' I trailed off and once again I could feel the tears coming. But I don't want to cry, I want to be strong, strong for them.

I look back at Edmund and reach out for him, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. He smiles and crushes me in a big brotherly hug. 'No Su' He says als he holds me tighter in his arms. 'I am sorry. I haven't been exactly there for you but I promise I will. We all have seen your pain. We know you miss Caspian. But we thought you eventually forgot about him...' I smile weakly at him as he release me. He kisses the top of my head and walks out of my room, leaving me alone.

{}

I breathe out as I slide into the bench of the little dinner down the street. I look around, girls from my school, dressed in their uniforms, were looking at me. I gave them a small smile before looking back at the menu in front of me. 'What can I help you with dear?' The older waitress stands next to my table, pen and notebook in her hand.
'Just a coffee please' She nods and walks back to the counter, giving my order to the man behind the bar. Normally I was dreading to go here, mostly because boys of Peter's year were rude to me. They didn't understand I wasn't interested in them, but still asked me out...
I absolutely detested them, they reminded me of Rabadash and all the other suitors I had met. But I hear them talking about Peter and for once I ignore them.

After Edmund had left me for breakfast, I dressed myself and went downstairs. Mother was already gone for work, many of the women are working in the factory's now the men are at war. And I love them so, so much. But I could not be around them after what happened last night. They heard me talking about him. And I just...
I could not stand the disappointed look Peter had on his face this morning. So I left, walking down the dinner across my school.
'One coffee for the lovely lady' The old waitress sets the coffee on my table, smiling at me. 'Thank you' I say as she walks on. I take a sip and stare out of the window once again.
Oh that dream. I cannot get Caspian out of my head. That beautiful dream, it just keeps playing in my head over and over again. He let me feel so safe around him, even after Rabadash, I vowed I never let a man get to me. But Caspian broke all the walls around my heart and fixed me in a way I never thought to be fixed again.
He was always there, in the back of my mind. His laugh, his smile, his humor, his eyes...

'Excuse me young lady' I look up from my daydream and the old waitress is standing next to my table again. She hands me the bill. 'I'll pay it right away!' I mumble and take my purse, paying the kind waitress and shove my purse back in my bag. The moment I want to stand up, a shadow is cast on my pleasant little table. 'Hello love, you seem to be quite lonely' a deep cocky voice rasped. A shiver goes down my spine, taking me back to Rabadash but I know who's voice this is. I take the last sip of my coffee and set the mug back on the table. 'Harry I acknowledge him. Harry chuckles loudly as he slips on the bench across from me. 'Look baby doll, how about you let me buy you dinner tonight? You look very alone and someone as pretty as you should be out anyway. I'll tell Peter I have you home by eleven' He grins what he must be thinking is charming.

Idiot.

I sigh loudly, trying not to roll with my eyes. 'Harry, just leave me alone please. I'm really not looking for a boyfriend. I am sorry but I'm not interested right now. Or ever, just get away from me' I snap suddenly angrily. He and his stupid friends had been trying to ask me out for month and every time I give them the same answer; no.
I am really sick of it, the last time he asked me, Peter and Edmund got into a fight with Harry and his friends. Because they followed me home, but they still didn't get the message.
I move to get up, but Harry shoots forward, grabbing my wrist. When I look up at his face he looks furious.
'Susan, I know you like me, so just go out with me. I know you like me!' He bellows, pulling me over the table towards him. This is really a very shameful spot to be in right now. But again Rabadash and what he did flashes in front of my eyes. 'No Harry! I don't want to go out with you!' I yell back at him, slapping him across the face and prying myself out of his grip. 'Don't you ever touch me again!' I spat at him, ignoring the looks all of the girls are giving me. I storm out of the diner on to the street, spotting my siblings walking down the street towards the bakery. 'Lu!' I cry out, waving at my little sister. Finally they spot me and start making their way over to me. But a loud buzzing sounds over my head, I look up, praying that they are French and British planes. They fly over most of the time. 
A blood-curdling stream splits through the air and everyone starts to run, in every direction, trying to take shelter. I don't have to look around what that means; they weren't friendly, enemy planes are coming down at us.
My blood freezes in my veins and pure terror rushes through my body as I call out to my siblings. I run towards them and pull Lucy and Edmund behind an automobile and fly myself on top of them; Peter lays down next to me, holding me as he tries to protect the three of us. I look at him, his eyes full of terror. I squeeze my eyes shut and listen to the horror around me.

The earth quakes and trembles beneath us as the bombs pound into the concrete. I hear the people of my village cry out for their husbands, children and my ears screeche. The smell of death creepers into the air and I feel Lucy tremble beneath me, but it is also myself, who is shaking in fear. Fire and smoke is around us as we lay huddled together. The sound of the bombs were getting closer and closer and I force myself to look up at the black sky. Bombs were falling right at us and I hold them closer, trying to protect them from our doom. I hear myself scream as hot pain shots through my body like a thousand stabbing knives. I don't feel Edmund, Lucy or Peter anymore, just the hot pain coursing through my body. I hear them scream, but my world turns black.