The queen of the Horn - A suspian fanfic

Healing

I breathe out as I sink myself into the hot bathtub. The water feels hot against my bruised body. My cuts and stitches are burning but nonetheless this is worth it. The water feels like heaven and it feels like the pain is washed away. I feel normal for the first time in a week. And that is something in my book. I have time to think and I would almost wish that that one moment did not happen. I can pretend that it did not happen, but it has.
I look down at my bruised body in the water; I see the deep stitches stretching from my left hip to just under my rib cage and the scar on my stomach. And all the tender, swelling bruises on every inch on my body.

By the Mane, what I would do to be in his arms just now. The sudden feeling of loneliness washes over me. But how I long to be in his arms, every time he or one of my beloved siblings touches just an inch of me, I shiver. Thinking that it is him. But they are not Rabadash. Edmund killed him.

I have gone an entire year without hugs and touches, the feeling of my brother's arms around me and the touches of kindness of my younger sister. The kisses of my lover and I re-found it all in Narnia. The land I love so much. But sometimes the memory of Him is so strong and the nightmares so real and the humiliation too much. I shiver again in the warm bath and I will do everything to forget what happened. But I know it cannot be. Only Aslan can help me and I am not worthy now.

Suddenly the bathroom door opens and I start to scream, memories of him flashing before my eyes. Lucy is holding her hands up in surrender, her eyes wide with fear. 'It is me Susan! If you want I'll go' I sigh in relief, the memories fading away. I cover my breasts with my arms and sink deeper into the water. The door bangs open and two wide-eyed kings burst into the bathroom. 'Are you alright? We heard screaming!' Peter yells while looking wildly throughout the room. Edmund his eyes are wide and his jaw clenched while he looks around the room too. 'Peter! Edmund! Go!' I yell in anger and fear, feeling shame and despair coming once again over me. I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks as I sink deeper into the water till it hits my nose.
My brothers finally look at me and I notice they are shaking but they avert their eyes and look to the floor, lowering their swords. 'Susan! I am so sorry,' Peter says with shame. 'Yes, we heard screaming. And we thought you were in danger' Edmund softly exclaims.
'Sorry, sorry' Peter rambles while he breaks down and tears appear in his eyes. I see that he tries to be strong but he breaks. My big brother breaks down. Edmund is also crying, as is Lucy. He sinks to the bathroom floor and holds his head in his hands while he starts to sob.
'Edmund' Peter starts after a couple of seconds. I look at them, trying not to cough from the water what comes into my nose. Peter is somewhat ashamed when he looks at Edmund. 'Ed, I am sorry. I am so sorry for what I said that day in the dungeon. When you told us over the first time Rabadash-' He stops and looks at me and I know what he wants to say. Over the first time, when Ed and I where with him in his palace and he tried to rape me but Edmund saved me. But Peter didn't know, I made Edmund and later Lucy promise not to tell Peter otherwise another war would break out. And Edmund told him, when they were captured.
'When you told us about what he wanted to do with her and how you saved her and brought her back to me and Lucy. And that I told you that you were no brother of mine because you kept your promise of not telling me. I am so sorry. You are the best brother someone can have and I love you Edmund. I love you' Peter cries. Edmund looks up, his cheeks red from the tears but a small smile appears on his lips. 'You are so stubborn sometimes. You know? Lucy starts to laugh at his words and I smile at them. Peter moves towards him, hugging him firmly. 'Guys, I love you too' I sit a bit upwards, but I am still covering myself. 'But can you go now please, the water is getting very cold'
'Oh, yes, we see you when you are done!' Edmund says with a small smile, dragging Peter with him and closing the doors of the bathroom.
Aslan, I love them.

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'Goodnight Su' Peter kisses my forehead and leaves, shutting the door behind him. After I came out of the bath, Lucy helped me together with my ladies to be dressed in a clean nightgown and panties. Peter was the one to carry me to my bed. I ate some soup and now after Edmund, Lucy and Peter said goodnight I am again in bed. But this time my own room. I pull the covers to my chin as some intoxicating smell tingles through my spine. A smell of the woods, grass, salty sea and a musky sweet scent. I recognise that smell anywhere; Caspian. He has snuck into my room!
I look to the right and there he is; sitting at my bedside as he has done the last week. 'Hi you' He says huskily as I move more towards him. 'I was already thinking when I would see you' I say while smiling. Caspian reaches towards me and let his fingers touch my cheek lightly. My heart flutters as he touches me. 'You are so perfect. So wonderful' He whispers. 'I don't know why Aslan thinks I deserve someone like you' He continues and the smile on my lips grows wider. 'You are so sweet' I say, hearing my voice crack. He kisses my forehead. 'I love you'
'I love you' I reply weakly, squeezing his hand. I see something flicker in his eyes that makes me uneasy. He sighs. 'How can something like this happen to someone as sweet and gentle and amazing as you?' he blurts out in a whisper. I duck my head and feel the tears falling out of my eyes, not controlling them. Caspian lays down on my bed and wraps his arm around my shoulder so gently as he possibly can. He brings my head wordlessly to the crack of his neck. I flinch and pull away from him as quickly as I can. But the pain in his eyes makes me cry harder. 'My love, I am not him! I love you with everything I am! I promise that I am not him and I shall never hurt you or harm you in any way' his other hand is layed down on my neck and he bows forward and brushes his lips across my shoulder over all the bruises and stitches.
I shiver but not from fear but from something different. How did I get so lucky? 'Susan? Are you alright?' He moves his hands of me, fear and pain flashing in his eyes. I shake my head as I don't have the words and throw my arms quickly around his neck and slam my lips to his. I ignore the pain flashing through my body because this is something that Rabadash cannot get away from me; Caspian chooses to be mine and I choose to be his.
Caspian moves so slowly but his hand is on my waist, pulling me closer towards him. Pressing me against his chest and rubbing small circles along my sore back. It feels like my body is on fire but it feels so good. To be touched by someone who loves me.
'I love you more than my own life' I whisper as we pull away and he smiles, wrapping his arms tightly around me. He kisses the top of my head but when he does so I have to yawn. Caspian chuckles and moves so I lay on the matras once more. He tucks me in. 'Stay' I whisper before he moves to get out of bed. He breathes out and lays down against me, taking me in his arms while he is laying on top of the blankets. I snuggle up close to him and breathe happily out. 'I love you too, so much Susan' He whispers as I close my eyes and for the first time in a week I sleep without nightmares.