The Serum || b. barnes

twenty five - Двадцать пять

"W..What did you say?" I asked Bucky making sure I heard him correctly. His head hung low avoiding my eyes.

"It's all my fault. I killed him. I took you away to that orphanage.." Bucky said looking up from the floor. I stood up backing away from Bucky.

"Lina...I'm so sorry," Bucky cried out, reaching for me but I kept backing up until my body met the wall. He tried to move closer to me but I put my hand out stopping him.

"Tell me what happened," I said my eyes still wide as if I was forgetting to blink from the shock. I moved my eyes from the place they were trained on the floor, and looked at Bucky. He shook his head, as tears kept falling from his eyes.

"Tell me!" I yelled in anger as I could feel the tears of betrayal well up in my eyes. He shook his head again.

"Tell me or I swear to god, I'll kill you," I threatened Bucky, his eyes widened now matching my shocked expression before he tried to compose himself but was failing.

I was feeling all kinds of hurt. There was a pain in my chest as if someone was squeezing my heart. My throat became dry as I looked at Bucky. I watched Bucky take a deep breath as he looked back at me.

"When Hydra found out that your father, Luka Levitsky, was planning on giving you the serum in Madripoor, they wanted you for themselves..." Bucky paused taking a deep breath, wiping away at his tears. I pulled my knees to my chest, and pulled my dress down over them as I listened to Bucky speak.

"Hydra loved the idea of a young super soldier. I was brainwashed, forced do what they asked me, and they told me my mission was to kill the leader of the Bask..." Bucky paused his eyes moving from me to the floor. I sat frozen where I was, taking in every word as he spoke of the life I couldn't remember.

"Once I killed him I was to take you back to the Hydra base where you would become the next Winter Soldier," he looked up from the floor looking into my eyes. Tears were falling from mine now, but I wiped them away as soon as I felt them fall.

"But when I looked at you Helina, I couldn't. For whatever reason, maybe they hadn't sent my brain through the blender enough times or something, but I knew I couldn't take you back to Hydra. So I took you to that orphanage, I even tipped off that S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and said there was a child with super human abilities..." Bucky's voice trailed off at the end before he became quiet. My eyes were wet with tears of anger as I looked at Bucky.

"It was you.." I whispered standing up from the floor. Bucky looked up at me as he was still kneeling on the ground. 

He nodded at me.

"I'm so sorry," he pleaded with me as he stood up. I held onto the wall to keep me steady as I stared at the floor, processing it all. I could hear my heart beat from how incredibly fast it was beating. 

"You were the only person I thought I could trust..." I whispered more to myself than him.

"I know, I'm so so sorry," He apologized again, his voice cracking as more tears fell. I looked up at him.

"Ayo knew...that's why she said you shouldn't be toying with me?!" I screamed at Bucky.

"EVEN ZEMO SEEMED TO KNOW!" I screamed and Bucky took a step forward reaching out to me. I slapped his hands away.

"Don't touch me!" I spat moving along the wall to the kitchen. I moved over the broken glass shards and stepped into the kitchen. I tried to pick up a glass to get myself some water, but I was shaking so badly that I dropped it, even more glass shards on the floor now.

"Shit!" I yelled, throwing my hands against the counter.

"Lina..." Bucky sighed coming towards me.

"No stay over there!" I yelled holding my hand out to him. I took a deep breath then a thought crossed my mind.

Mr. Nakajima's name was in the book. I remembered Zemo reading it on the plane. My hand flew to my mouth in shock as tears fell from my eyes again.

"You k-killed...oh my god..you killed his son," my voice shook as I spoke. I watched Bucky's heart break in half right before my eyes.

"I was trying to make amends, but there was no way.." Bucky tried to explain himself but I shook my head, tears were falling faster than I could think.

"Lina...please," Bucky said stepping over the glass, his boots crunching the shards as he walked towards me. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, I was beating his back as hard as I could as I screamed. I thrashed in his hold as I cried.

"Let me go! You monster!" I screamed and he finally put me down, away from the shards of glass. We stood beside the bed, maybe a foot between us.

"I don't understand how you could keep this from me Buck..." I whispered wiping away my tears.

"From Mr. Nakajima! He loved you like a second son!" I yelled now, the hurt evident as my voice cracked. Bucky took a step away from me.

"For the first time in my life I had a family! I had you! I wasn't going to risk losing you.." Bucky cried out. I shook my head.

"All this time, and you had to break my heart now," I cried. I could tell that what I said stung as Bucky shook his head.

"Lina no, I was going to tell you but there was never a good time. I didn't mean to hurt you," Bucky tried to explain himself but I cut him off.

"And I didn't mean to love you so much!" I yelled pointing at myself.

My words hung in the air, like a dark cloud. I watched all the color drain from Bucky's face as he looked at me his eyes full of longing.

"Lina..you love-"

"It's to late for that now," I spat walking past him and gathering my boots and other clothes into a bag.

"Please Helina, don't do this.." Bucky begged me as he came over and tried to stop me. I shot him a warning glare as I looked at him. He stopped and let me continue gathering my things.

"Helina please, I love you," he was yelling now as tears dripped down his cheeks. I started walking towards the door but paused turning around.

"You were supposed to be my friend that's all..that's all I asked of you, was for you to care..but then you had to break my heart," I spat as another tear trickled down my cheek.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way.." Bucky cried out taking a step towards me but I backed up.

"Lina please don't leave," He begged me but all I could do was walk away, opening the door and slamming it shut behind me. His yells echoed into the halls behind me. I didn't dare look back.

I had no idea where I was going. What I did know was I had learned that the love of my life was the man, who all those years ago, changed my life completely.