ISSUES ---- important discussions

Toxic Masculinity: An Overview

This sort of rides off of my previous chapters on sexism, but this is a men's issue that needs to be seriously addressed. Now, I am not a man, so I cannot provide an accurate personal perspective, so this is going off what I have seen in men/boys around me, plus additional research I have done. (Same with some parts of racism, plus ableism, homophobia, transphobia) The problem here is that there are a lot of societal expectations that supposedly make a man a real man.

The main expectation involves emotions. Men are not supposed to show emotions or cry, and if they do, they are considered weak (or feminine). Men feel just as much emotion as women, and should not be expected to bottle it all up. I know that when I don't allow myself to express my emotions, it only makes them worse, and the effect is even worse for men since they are NOT ALLOWED to show any emotion at all for fear of society shunning them. This cannot go on. Men feel, and should be allowed to show it. It's important not to bottle up emotions, that's a huge thing in psychology, however men are still told that if they don't hold their emotions back, they are weak.

Another expectation is with clothing. Men are told not to wear dresses or makeup. A lot of times, if they do, they are told that they must be gay (which shouldn't be an insult in the first place, and also it shouldn't be a stereotype that gay men wear makeup and dresses, but we'll get to that issue later), or weak, or a girl, or some other insult or "insult". I don't know about you guys, but personally, I like wearing dresses once in a while. They make me feel confident and pretty, and men should be allowes to feel the same in a dress without judgement. Same with makeup. Just a swipe of mascara for me boosts my confidence and again, men should be allowed to do makeup too. It's about self expression, and just because you're wearing a dress or makeup doesn't necessarily mean you're feminine or a girl. This is important because makeup and clothing is literally just fabric and face paint. It doesn't need a gender. (ALSO IMPORTANT: NONBINARY OR ANDROGYNOUS PEOPLE CAN WEAR DRESSES/MAKEUP TOO). I saw this guy online who was wearing this really pretty dress and I showed it to my younger brother, Will, and he was like "Why is a guy wearing a dress?" Now keep in mind, my parents, I have learned recently, are perfectly supportive of whatever we want to wear, so it wasn't their raising them that made him think it was weird. It was society pushing its expectations on him at a young age. I explained to him that yes, dresses have been traditionally feminine in the past, but dresses are really just pieces of fabric and don't need a gender. He still seemed kinda weirded out. I've been trying to have talks with him lately and basically say that however he wants to express himself, I will support him and if he wants to wear something he can wear it, but the rest of the world has taught him otherwise and he's always saying "I can't wear that, it's girly" and I find that really sad. (I'm not trying to force him to wear a dress or anything, just trying to make sure he knows that IF he want wanted to wear a dress, there's nothing wrong with it.) My other brother, Daniel, hates crying because he thinks he's weak if he does.

Another problem is body shaming. Men are usually expected by society to be tall, have abs, have muscles, and be skinny, something that not all people will achieve. In fact, most people won't get to that point, and that is perfectly okay. Even the body positivity movement somewhat excludes men. I've seen so much stuff about celebrity men getting body-shamed because they don't have an 8 pack.

And don't even get me started on what actors have to go through for the inevitable shirtless scenes in the movies. There are dehydration diets, fasting, CGI, and lots more that is just so that a man can look "ideal" when they take their shirt off. Show us real bodies in the movies, healthy bodies. The bodies we are being shown are NOT healthy. A healthy body has fat, it is necessary to protect internal organs, and it is not a bad thing. To be honest, we don't really even need those scenes in the first place because historically it's been used to engrain unrealistic expectations in men's head.

Another thing is simp. Basically, if a guy is nice to a girl, he is a simp, which is bad. This is problematic because it enforces the idea that guys have to be cold, heartless, emotionless, and alpha. That people won't like them if they're nice to girls (idk why, I love it when guys are nice to me). I've had it happen so many times where a guy is nice to me in one way or another, and the other guys around him make fun of him or call him a simp.

Also that he has to play sports or do "masculine" stuff like fishing, hunting, watching football, working, being the breadwinner of the family, and if he cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, doesn't play sports, doesn't watch sports, whatever, he isn't a real man. This is simply not true, men can do whatever activity makes them happy. Men come in variety, believe it or not, and a lot of them don't play sports or do traditionally masculine stuff, and they don't have to. (Hey all the guys out there, what are some other issues you have experienced with toxic masculinity that you'd like me to talk about? Let me know so I can spread the word.)