Finally Free

55

C A R T E R | when it all falls down

I've come to the conclusion that I am either the world's shittest boyfriend, or the world's dumbest boyfriend, I'm probably both.

My friends stayed over after the dinner ended, and Sophia left. They're all playing video games on the couch, arguing over who killed who in Call of Duty, but I just sit there in silence, my mind and heart racing.

Where the fuck did she get those pills? Where the fuck did she go? I can't believe I said I don't trust her. The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel like a burden.

I constantly text her, with no response. I understand that she wants to be away from me, I would need space from myself too after how I reacted. The image never escapes my mind, the image of those fucking pills.

My phone starts buzzing on my lap and I look down in hopes of seeing Sophia's name and instead am met with the disappointment of a call from Liam. My face scrunches up in confusion. The last time he called it was because Owen got out of prison, he only calls when something of that caliber has happened.

Maybe he found the pills too, and he's asking if I knew about them. Although if Liam found them then I know that he would snitch to their mother and then I would only be allowed supervised visits because she would be grounded for eternity.

"Hey what's up?" I say into the phone but all I get is nervous, ragged breathing. "Liam, are you there? Are you okay?"

"It's Sophia." He says through what sounds like tears. There is a shit ton of noise going on behind him. I feel my breath hitch. My heart begins to pound out of my chest. He doesn't speak, "What the fuck happened?" I grit out, the rest of the room goes silent.

"Liam?" My voice raises. "She- she..." He can barely get the words out and I cannot breathe right now. I can't tell if I'm holding my breath or if the wind has been knocked out of me. "She's in the hospital, fuck, I don't even know how it happened." He says it so quietly I doubt his words. Tell me I'm not hearing this.

"She just took so many pills."

The phone falls out of my hand and hits the floor with a deafening thud. My legs give way and now I actually can't get a breath through my lungs. My friends all stand up in urgency. The air begins to thin in my body, I'm hyperventilating, my head pounds. My limbs feel like dead weight, dragging me to the floor.

I should've stopped her, or said something. Why didn't I? I could've said something to her mom or to Liam, I chose to leave it alone, the optimistic part of me thought it would all be okay, that she would be fine. I should've had reasonable doubt

Chloe picks up the phone while Leo and Hunter attempt to get me upright, but I can't move. "Hey Liam, it's Chloe." She begins and I can hear Liam repeating his words to her.

"Oh my God. Yeah we're on our way." Then Chloe hangs up. She whispers what happened in Leo and Hunter's ears and I watch both of their faces pale. "We'll take my car." Leo's voice is shaking. This feels like a horrible dream. We run past my family who shout at us in confusion, getting no response from us.

I barely remember what happened on the car ride. I could feel the urgency in Leo's driving in my bones. Every time he goes over a speed bump I feel my stomach lurch and I have to hold back the feeling of bile rising in my throat. When we pull up to the hospital, I freeze. "Come one, just breathe." Chloe says softly, grabbing my hand and pulling me in.

The doors split open and in the waiting room is a pacing Liam, their mother is shaking in a chair, and Paige is curled up in a ball, lying across a couch. Her eyes are puffy and red, she's clutching for dear life onto a small stuffed bunny. I recognize the bunny from Sophia's bedroom, it usually sits on her dresser. She's frozen in her place. Liam stops his rapid pacing when he sees us, his eyes glassy with regret and guilt.