sex addicts [michael clifford]

33: him

devon was devastated, to say the least.

she had literally thrown a tantrum in the middle of the waiting room, collapsing onto the floor and sobbing so violently that her chest shook rapidly with every cry of pain. she tried to scream, but no sound came out. she refused to let anyone near her and would swipe at them to go away. on top of everything, she refused to believe that her love was dead.

she didn't care why he died. she didn't care who the driver of the other vehicle was. all she cared about was that he was dead. dead, dead, dead. she couldn't help but blame herself because if it weren't for her small accident and midjugdment, he would still be at home sleeping, or playing video games, or missing her. he had died for her, and that was the most haunting thought of her life.

at his funeral, his parents and sister showed up. charlie flew back to new york from washington, and devon tried to ignore her beauty. she really was beautiful. devon couldn't help but think she was nothing in comparison. just another face in the crowd that michael somehow found beauty in. this thought made her slightly happier. michael thought she was pretty, so she must have been.

the funeral procedure was long and upsetting. after his family and charlie gave their speeches, it was devon's turn. she glanced at her folded sheet of paper and brought it with her to the front, staring at the casket that held her love's body. just the sight of it tore her heart apart. with a shaky breath, she began.

"michael clifford was the love of my life. he wasn't perfect, but neither was i. i met him in the beginning of the summer when he - or i, rather, rudely bumped into him in the middle of the new york street. we exchanged some rather unpleasant words, but found out we were headed to the same place. we were both sex addicts, and that seemed like the only thing we had in common, but there was so much more.

"we were both young and reckless. we both loved pizza and sleeping and movies and cuddling. we were in love with the idea of love. i couldn't function without him and he without me. we rarely fought and when we did it was over nothing. the way he did things with such beautiful clumsiness constantly reminds me of the reason i fell in love with him in the first place.

"and so, michael shouldn't be remembered as who he was. he should be remembered for all the times he made you smile, laugh, cry, and love. the one thing i refuse to forget about this boy is that when he loved someone, he told them, and he made you feel like you were the most important person in his life. and at some point, no matter how bad you feel or want to contradict him, you have to accept the fact that maybe you are."

by the end of her speech, most of the audience was pulling tissues out of their pockets and fresh tears were rolling down their cheeks. devon took one last look at his casket before trying to compose her breath and sit down. and with that, the funeral was over and his body was buried six feet underground.

after the funeral, luke approached devon in the midst of everyone going home. "how're you coping?" luke asked, scratching his head. devon took note of his outfit and couldn't help but be impressed at how well he cleaned up.

"i'm not," she responded honestly, chewing on her bottom lip. "i don't do much of anything anymore. i miss him, luke."

"i know dev, i miss him too. but hey, i'm here if you ever need me, okay? just give me a call and you can rant and cry all you want and i'll try to help. i know how much you loved him."

devon muttered a thank you and gave him a big hug, but as she walked back to her car, luke's last words stuck in her head. i knew how much you loved him. truth is, there's no past tense needed. she was still in love with him, this stupid boy that was a crazy sex addict, and she would never stop loving him.

i guess some habits are just hard to break.

-

DOUBLE UPDATE BECAUSE I COULDN'T LEAVE YOU GUYS HANGING

i know you all hate me right now and probably have had enough of this story BUT im anticipating like one or two more chapters left then baBAM it's over :(((

this has been hella fun to write and i want to thank you all so much for all your love and support and maybe next week i'll do another youcam and talk about this book :)))

disclaimer i may be responsible for your tears HOWEVER the bunnies and blankets were shipped out and should be arriving soon