𝐛 𝐫 𝐨 𝐤 𝐞 𝐧 || 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟔 || 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩

TW ||  blood, wounds, stitches

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Clay pov

After the trio left the scene, they went to the base, regretting and fearing what was to come. The entire way there was silent, not one of dared to say one word, they simply just replayed the scenes in their heads. All you could hear were their footsteps crunching the leaves, and wind rustling the nature around them.

Clay was utterly and completely destroyed inside. 

Had his panic attacks proven to be true? In the attacks, he was the one who caused hurt and pain towards his friends, and now they became a reality all of sudden. 

The voice in his mind kept attacking him, kept putting him down even more than he already was, and all Clay wanted to do was get rid of it.

How did I let this happen?

She's hurt Clay, you hurt her, she'll never forgive you. Deep inside, you know that.

Everything is pointless now. Just give up trying Clay. You're worthless. 

You ruin everything and every relationship you have, so what's the point in even asking for forgiveness?

How many more second chances will you need?

You saw her, you knew it was her, but you kept on fighting, and for what reason?

I didn't know it was her. My vision was blurry, my ears were ringing, and I simply couldn't focus on thinking straight. It was like I was in my own world, everything just happened, and I wish it didn't. 

She has to understand that, right?

She won't understand that. 

Stop trying to play out the scenarios in your head, I see them all, and none of them will come true, quite the opposite actually, but it's funny to see you play with your imagination.

Can you please just stop. Please. I can't do this, you, whoever or whatever you are, you caused this. 

The voice laughed. It sent chills throughout his body. 

Ah, Clay, you don't understand do you. 

You are the voice, I am you, Clay.

You're the one who created this, the one who started this, and now you can't get yourself out of your own head, isn't that hilarious? 

W- What? No...

Quite frankly, you just haven't figured out how to get a grip, your emotions control and overpower you, and so you caused all of this, you self-sabotaged. So don't put the blame on me, well rather the you in your head, confusing right, especially to you? 

An image of a sinister smile flickered in front of Clays' eyes, but then it quickly went away.

The blame is all on you, and your blood stained hands prove it.

He looked down to his hands to see the dried and leftover blood, all he felt was guilt. The voice was gone now, but it left Clay with many questions, some to which he didn't want an answer to. He was glad none of the others had looked over at him, worrying they would ask if he was okay.

The three finally got to the base and just sat there in the loud silence, sharing short glances, speaking to each other without verbally saying anything. The one person that was all on their minds was Y/n. It kept them from full on bursting out in argument, and they wanted to keep it that way until she got there.